qwerty06

We used to live in Surrey/Middlesex by the M25 for work and family reasons, and we have always loved the outdoors. After several years wondering how to escape the rat race and overcrowding, we decided to apply to move to Canada and waited for 2 1/2 years until we were approved.

We have lived in a small town outside Halifax in N.S. for over two years. I have been thinking of returning to the UK after the recent birth of our daughter, as I feel family is too far and I want our daughter to grow with and know her relatives. We are also realising that we really miss some friends in Britain, M&S, decent newspapers, decent TV (is it just this last Fall? it's been terrible here in N.S.), availability of decent food (it exists, but it is rare and usually outrageously expensive), holidays, clothes that will last, towels that will dry, and clingfilm that will cling, amongst other things. It's funny how attached you can become to some every day items. I also miss other relatives I have in various European countries which I never see anymore as we only visit Europe (well, the UK) once a year.

We have also found it hard to make good friends here, we know many people and everybody is very very very nice, but true friends as opposed to acquaintances have been difficult to come by. All my neighbours are very nice and chatty when I see them outside, but after 2 1/2 years I still have not been invited to anyone's house, and no neighbours I have invited to ours have ever paid us a visit apart from the people next door. I also feel that the population outside the big cities (Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver) is relatively elderly, which is not a problem as such but makes it difficult to meet people of similar age and interests.

I just wanted to share these thoughts as I do not know who to talk to about it.

Cheers

X

vandit99

I couldn't agree more especially the neighbors part...
People are so fake here.
I'm actually Polish ( Yes I know what some might think) but
the real reason we moved here is the housing affordability.
We could never afford a house over in Poland even though we could
afford many other things. It is becoming
a pain in the butt some of the things about Canada....
We own a beautiful house in my opinion, but I really feel alive back in Poland
and not only because its a vacation visit... And I do come from a big city and I like
big cities but again we can't afford a decent house in toronto either and never will.

Nothing is perfect I guess.

iaink

Take the $500 cure.

I dont think its easy to uproot and move anywhere and make meaningful friends easily, whether that be across the atlantic or from one end of england to the other. Thats just life. I dont think Canada or Canadians are any different in that respect. When you were in the UK how often did you invite new people into your life? Well, the same thing applies here, and it takes time to meet people you click with. You just have to get out there where people with like interests go, but of course thats not so easy with a small baby at home.

Having a kid brings things into sharp relief, and you realise how nice it is to have grandparents and siblings nearby to help out or just enjoy what you are going through. Its a stressful thing too, and that also can trigger homesickness I find. On the other hand, when the snapper is a bit older, lugging them to swimming, soccer, skating, day care etc is a great way to meet other people roughly your age and with at least a kid in common

Lack of relatives is the hardest thing Ive found moving here. Friends come with time though. Ive been here nearly 9 years now, but it was only really with the birth of our second kid that I sometimes wonder what things would be like if we moved back to the UK and had family nearby. Then I remember the antisocial behaviour, the miserable weather, the lack of kid friendly places, the fact i wouldnt be able to afford a fair size house with a big yard, and Im OK again.

Maybe take a trip back and figure out again why it was you wanted to escape to canada in the first place, and what there is here for your child that there is not elsewhere.

Good Luck

snowgoose

Hi Qwerty06 - I've just sent you a PM

JAJ

Assuming your daughter was born in Canada, then she's a Canadian and you really should stay at least until you can get Canadian citizenship yourselves:

1. As an adult she might decide to return to Canada and you might want to join her (or even just spend extended vacations). Circumstances may be very different for you in 20-30 years.

2. If you have other children (or children born in future in the UK) then if you don't take Canadian citizenship then you will have siblings with different nationality rights. That is really not a good situation in most cases.

jonfrank123

Hi

I live in Canada and have similar homesickness issues but I try to get back to the UK 3 times per year. Some airlines are great like flyzoom and Air Transat, certain times of the year it is very cheap and only 5 hours from Halifax.

I live about 600 miles further west than you do in Montreal, fantastic food, loads to do, and really, really cheap housing, maybe its worth considering checking Montreal out. Another great place to live is Ottawa..

Anyway bst of luck and happy new year

Jonathan

AnyaT

I would hazard a guess that part of your problem is your location. I was born and raised in NS and love the place, but it does certainly have the faults you describe. Rural NS in particular can have a clique-y, small town attitude that makes it hard to meet people, and the population there is definitely aging as most of the younger people leave (though I think this is an issue for rural areas across Canada). It is also true there is a lack of selection of materials goods like clothes and foodstuffs - though have you found Pete's Frootique for British stuff?

I would tend to agree with Iain, you might want to take a trip back to the UK and see if the reasons you left are still strong. You may also want to consider other areas of Canada, or even moving into Halifax itself, so you feel less isolated.

suebed

Small towns are hard to settle in anywhere. The pool of people to connect with on a deeper level than just hi is so much smaller. It is easy to make friends with other parents when you have a little one though - say from about 12 months up - through toddler groups, etc.

I had my children in England far away from my Canadian family and was always envious of people who had aunties and nans around the corner but over time we developed a wonderful circle of friends there and I miss them loads now that we're back in Canada.

Chin up. You'll make the right decision for you one way or another.

iaink

On the other hand you see the same people more often, and often attend the same events, and people generally seem to have more time for a chat....so although there are fewer people to "click" with...there is far more opportunity to make a connection with those that are there.

In a small town people remember me as that Brit who coached soccer or plays in the town band, rather than just another of the unwashed immigrant masses. I wouldn't want to give up that sense of community.

Craftybanshee

I can relate to that having moved from the Kent/London borders 11 years ago to a small town in the west country. They don't like outsiders! The few friends I do have aren't 'local'. Also the people here have no get up and go and need a 'rocket up their arse' to spur them into doing anything

Having said that moving here was the right decision where our kids are concerned, they've had a better quality of life but it's not been so good for DH and me It's not us, 'cos I've asked around and people are deffo cliquey here.

Grah

quick question
How many true friends did you have in the UK that you knew for less than 2 years? ( Before you left of course)

10 - 20, 1 -2 or 0.

For everyone how many new people in our current neighbourhood \ workplace have we invited over to our house?


If 0 then think long and hard about your friendship making abilities.

Craftybanshee

Maybe the OP should look at joining clubs, night school classes, volunteering locally as some suggestions. That would be a good way to get into your community and make new friends. People won't come knocking on your door, you have to get out there. I know it's probably what you don't want to hear right now.

There is a newcomers group you could join in Halifax? I know it's aimed at women, but maybe your OH could go. I think they might have evening events that include partners.

http://www.halifaxnewcomers.piczo.com/?cr=1&rfm=y

Judy in Calgary

I agree with JAJ that there would be a lot of merit in staying in Canada till you can get citizenship, for the reasons that he mentioned.

When I joined this forum, I was experiencing a fresh burst of homesickness, culture shock, bereavement, whatever -- almost 30 years after migrating to Canada. I was looking for people who were experiencing similar feelings and who would understand what I felt.

Since then I have moved on from that slump, and I have discovered how easy it is to extract myself from the doldrums. I've read some material written by "inspirational" and "motivational" authors. At first their little sayings sounded like platitudes, almost insulting to someone who was suffering as much as I was suffering and who deserved more understanding.

But, bit by bit, I tried to implement their advice, even if it did sound corny at first. One of their pieces of advice was to find something to feel grateful about all the time. They said I could not feel stressed if I was feeling blessed.

I tried it, and I found out it was true (at least for me). I was grumpy because my husband did something I didn't like. But I tried to implement the advice about gratitude, and tried to find something to be grateful about -- anything, whether it involved my husband or not.

Then I went to empty the kitchen garbage bin, which I knew was full, only to find that it already had been emptied by that jerk of a husband. My next step was a trip down to the basement to change the dead light bulb in the hallway (passage). The only hitch in that plan was that, when I got down there, I found there was a functioning bulb in the fixture. Wouldn't you know it, that jerk of a husband had changed it? As I walked around the house, I kept on finding helpful things that the supposed "jerk" had done.

I also thought I lived in a sterile neighbourhood with unfriendly people. But I decided to "look for the good" on my street. Last summer I noticed there was one front garden that had an interesting-looking flower bed. From the little bit of reading I'd done about drought-resistent and insect-resistent local species, an area that I wanted to get into, I could tell that the garden in question had been designed with that in mind.

One Saturday I was driving by and noticed that the young woman who lived in the house was working in her garden. I stopped my car, hopped out, introduced myself to her, told her I lived up the street, and complimented her on her garden. Next thing I knew, she was exchanging gardening information with me. Later that extended to include her mother who would come over to visit her about once a week.

About three days before this past Christmas I went to our next door neighbours and gave them a little present. It was a packet of pot-pourri, and had involved no work on my part. At around 11.00 a.m. on Christmas morning our front doorbell rang. I answered the door, and there was the woman from next door with a homemade apple pie that was still warm from her oven.

I am finding that people are being so kind to me, I almost have to beat them off with sticks. Well, that's a bit of a exagerration, but I hope you see what I mean.

By all means go back to the UK if that feels like the right thing to do, but cultivate an attitude of gratitude in the meantime. I guarantee it'll change your life.

iaink

Butch Cassidy

LOL
Nicely done