dalaney

Hi all

Sorry it's me wobbling again, you have all been so helpful in the past so turning to you again to help me make the right decision

Really don't know what to decide for the best.
LMO came through this week and we can now book flights after waiting since Oct last year, but now not sure if I still want to go. Am I just scared??

Heres my story:-
Living in cyprus for last 2 years, liked it but found it hard to earn a decent living and decided it was time to leave.
OH was offered a job in Calgary and as neither of us really wanted to go back to UK we thought great Canada here we come.
Lots of hiccups and panics along the way but finally paperwork all arranged, rented out our house in Cyprus (couldnt sell, bloody recession!) put our stuff into storage and came back to UK to wait for LMO.
Been in the UK for 3 weeks and it's been great, met up with all our old friends and have loved every minute of being here.
Now LMO as arrived and it's time to say goodbye again and book our flights and I don't know if I want to leave.

Am I looking at UK through rose coloured specs, will I regret it if we stay?? After all we were desperate to leave here 2 years ago.

My oldest son (17) really doesnt want to go and has talked about staying here with his sister (22) who also has said please dont go, Canada is sooo far away, I'll hardly ever see you. But do i push him, will he have better chances in Canada? My youngest son (13) still wants to go and excitedly talks about his new life.

Please please can anyone offer me some advice, really worried if we stay in the UK that in a few months time I'm going to be kicking myself for not having the guts to go through with it

albert_ed

Hi

Yes, know what you mean about wobbling.....

I'm not sure this response will help, 'cos I'm in a similar boat. We live in a picturesque part of the UK and the last few weeks have been glorious, getting out in the sun, socialising etc especially after the wet dark winters here. So its a real wrench to go. We had planned to land this summer and move maybe next year to Calgary after selling the house and just get a 'normal' job - all nice and controlled like. However, I was just offered a great job, good money etc. in Edmonton, which wasnt even on my radar and its a 4hr trip to ski and bike! I have a secure job here in the UK although not been with them long (6months).

I have a 19yr old at Uni and 17yr old at home. Both are keen to land and get their PR cards. The 17 yr old has said he wants to mooch about next summer in Canada and see if he stays or go's. In a year or two they will be doing their own thing and you'll hardly see 'em. You have to think rationally about whats best and economically viable for you, as presumably they will need a bit of cash injection occasionally, whether they live with you in Canada or Cyprus. It'd be pretty cool to shuttle between the two places especially jetting to Cyprus during the Canadian winters!

I keep telling myself the UK is OK for the few weeks in Summer. Canada is where its at and they want you! Life should be good out there. Either way is only 8-9hours from the UK. Good luck!

Wobble, wobble....!

el_richo

All in my opinion.........

To the OP, it sounds like you'd kick yourself at a later stage if you don't give it a go in Canada. Depending where you move to it's only 6 - 9 hours flying time from the UK so nothing major.

The only issue is that (and i'm sure it happens a lot) you chose to leave the UK a few years back yet situations and outlook on life etc changes and the reasons you chose to leave may not exist any more. That being said, you also chose Canada for a reason and it would be a shame to not pop out and see if that reason still exists.

You had no problems moving to the UK while in transition so as long as that doesn't change drastically over the coming years you can do the same if you find Canada isn't to your liking.

Wobbles are commonplace i'm sure. The ideas -> concept -> planning, are the exciting parts and you can clearly recall the reasons for doing so. The execution stages of a move is where the wobbles begin as reality sets in. I'd say stay on your Canadian path, see what you think, and if it doesn't work then find contentment in the UK.

Good luck, relax, and enjoy the ride.

PS, your daughter is 22 and i'm pretty sure wouldn't think twice about leaving you if the right opportunity came up

Essex_Man

I can only echo what you've already heard. You have nothing much to loose by trying Canada. Otherwise you might always wonder what could have been. Part of your problem could that you scared to be alone without the family support to back you up, should the shit hit the fan. So what if it does. You can't ever put a price of the experience that you will have and it will make you even stronger. And if you go back to England, you're see England with new fresh eyes.

PS.

Beside your not really alone, 10 hours you could be at a family members house laughing over a cup of tea.....There is Facebook for daily updates and Yahoo which you can talk for hours on the mic for free....

JonboyE

A motivational speaker <cringe> I heard recently said that the distance between our life as we have it now, and everything we want from life, is 6 inches. (No, not that six inches.) It is the distance from one ear to the other.

Something that emigration (or is it age) has taught me that life is 10% circumstances and 90% your reaction to them. I believe that it is perfectly possible to live happily and contented in the UK, regardless of whether you are rich or poor. I also believe that it is possible to be as miserable as sin living in the UK regardless of whether you are rich or poor.

Exactly the same applies to Canada.

One thing emigration can do for you is to change the way you react to circumstances.

I used to be a shy person with few friends or acquaintances. I got to Canada and thought, "right, it's a new life. Time to get out of my comfort zone and go and be friendly". Guess what? It worked. I have some great friends.

I used to think my place in life was limited by my background, my education and my accent. When I got to Canada I didn't know where the glass ceilings were, or even if they existed at all, so I just decided to go for what I wanted. To a large extent, I have achieved it.

I love living in Vancouver - after a week like this who couldn't? However, I am realistic enough to know that it has turned into a place I love to live because I decided to adopt a much more positive approach to my life. Yes, I have been lucky in many ways, but then positive people tend to be lucky.

You have moved countries once, and it has not brought you the satisfaction or contentment you seek. If you and your OH move to Canada can you change yourselves to take advantage of what it offers?

wizzard

I think also you have to look beyond the 'vacation' experience to the everyday one. The Canada I experience everyday is nothing really like the Canada I experienced when I first came here to visit for several months 10 years ago. It isn't that the country has changed, it is the way you experience and interact with it. When you come to visit on a vacation or to check it out 'recce' etc. you are coming to a new place where everything is different and intersting in a 'new' way and you are exploring the country/city/town etc. from a perspective of leisure where you have ample money and spend all day exploring or relaxing and so forth.
I think you can get that experience in most places as a new visitor. The same reason people get drawn to living in Spain or France etc. after being on vacation there. However the reality of living there isn't just an indefinately extended vacation.
I'm not saying it is bad, far from it, I am saying you have to know why you want to lvie there beyond that. The everyday reality of living there, lifestyle and culture etc. has to appeal to you if you want to truley make a place your home, rather than being a permanent tourist who eventually leaves or moves on because they can't quite settle down to everyday life there.
Once you are working all week and paying bills and managing everyday life events etc. then you have to enjoy the way that is done in the place you choose to live. That is why a lot of people end up leaving or permaently complaining about where they have chosen; because it has not lived up to their expectation which was based on an unrealistic view, kind of like the rose tinted glasses you mention.
My guess is the UK is the same for you now, the same as it is when I go back to visit my parents etc. You recall all the good parts while staying there as essentially a tourist, no work pressures, visiting friends and nostalgic places etc. However that is different from the reality of staying and finding a job and a place to live and assimilating back into the way things are done there, a different culture and attitude.
It is impossible to say whether you will like Canada more or which is best if you haven't lived here, so you really need to have that desire for somewhere new, be prepared for things to be difficult and to be the newcomer and have to work that little bit harder to fit in but if you find you like the way of life in the place you pick then you will be glad of it. If you are that kind of person who is taking it realistically then you will be glad of the experience, even if it doesn't work out.
It is however a leap and an adventure and it is tempting no doubt to take the easier route of just staying in a familiar place where the challenge is less and life more predictable but then you will always wonder what life you could have made if you moved.

pinzo

...I second what wizzard says....very well said.

dalaney

thanks for all your replies.

My son is now adament he is not coming with us and that is the main reason we have decided not too leave the UK.

Although he is 17 and as you state in a few years I will hardly see him, right now he does need me and I feel I would be abandoning him if I go to Canada, plus I dont think I could settle in another country if he wasn't with me.

OH has been offered a good job so UK it is, at least for now, maybe we will look at canada again in a few years time.

Expect to see me back on here in a few years time

skyturner

Unfortunately my two girls 17 and 20 (who I have always been very very close to from my previous marriage) not only have refused to go with me, but have condemned me for abandoning them (eldest lives with her BF of 3 years and youngest still with her mum and about to go to uni). As a consequence they (and my parents) have sent my wife of 8 years (Canadian) the foulest, infantile and threatening emails and text, they will have nothing to do with me.

I took the approach that if they can be so vicious and vindictive then It makes it easier for me to leave, we were scheduled to leave in 2012 (and they have known this for the last 5-6 years) but now we plan to go in May 2010. I have tried reasoning until I am blue in the face but they don't listen! The fact is that if I stayed then they just may bugger off to Oz (been mentioned), they have their own lives/relationships and I am knocking 50 with my own life.

In short, my wobbles have come early, but my resilience will not prevent me from following my dream!

el_richo

Can you not land and sit back and wait in the UK for a few years while things level out?

ali-simon

Well done you. My OH Parents were in complete denial and made it very difficult for us with sarcastic comments, now they weep on Skype and I find it quite insulting. My sister & family and OH sister and family wont even speak to us - they didn't either come to the leaving party we threw. Its bitterness and jealousy that they are stuck in their sad little lives with no courage to try something new and we rose above that and for once decided to put ourselves & our children first. Don't let emotional black mail get you down.

So far 5 months in - we have no regrets at all.