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Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by christmasoompa
(Post 11626673)
That surprises me, as most people seek to think the easiest way to make new friends is through children and i'd agree with them. Some of my closest friends are those I've met via school/playgroup/antenatal classes, we see them regularly and go on holiday with them.
I find it far easier to make friends through my kids than I did before I had them, although I am in the UK so there's plenty of the 'popping in for a cuppa' thing here which I never found in Canada. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by christmasoompa
(Post 11626673)
That surprises me, as most people seek to think the easiest way to make new friends is through children and i'd agree with them. Some of my closest friends are those I've met via school/playgroup/antenatal classes, we see them regularly and go on holiday with them.
I find it far easier to make friends through my kids than I did before I had them, although I am in the UK so there's plenty of the 'popping in for a cuppa' thing here which I never found in Canada. |
Re: Making friends
Some great points here on the challenges of making friends in Canada. Some of you fine people suggested joining a club /common interest group - it's a good idea. I joined a Running Club, Yoga & Mac users group. Again, friendly, relaxed atmosphere in all these, but no lasting friendship. A lot of it is ' Hi & Bye'.... you show up - people say Hi, chat, then Bye after the event.
Asked some people after club time to have coffee, grab a drink or such like, but they always 'have things to do...' Ha, thought it was me that was the prob... but I'm social, easygoing, get along with lots of dudes, so it's not a problem mixing. 'Meet Up' group might be the answer? You might know, London UK has loads, including 'Canadian Meet up' group! Could always start one. Just post on the 'Meet up' website. It means you'll get others who've searched for social groups who actually come. On the whole (as some have said), found it easier to stay in regular touch with fellow Brits & some other nationalities too. Nice international interaction in that sense. Cheers. |
Re: Making friends
I wonder how much of this is due to Ottawa weather! In winter we button up - the coat, the car, the house. In summer we spend much more time outside, which results in chatting more with neighbours and dog walkers etc. I work in hi tec in Kanata, and my colleagues are a real mixed bag of home nationalities, most of whom are now Citizens. But outside work I'm not really missing their company. A couple are bikers so we do rides together - but if we didn't have bikes, I doubt we'd mingle. Canadians I meet in a bar, and just shoot the sh*t with seem friendly and chatty enough, but when we go our separate ways - that's it. I do agree that in the UK I had many more "close" friends than I have here.
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Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by Snave
(Post 11629544)
I wonder how much of this is due to Ottawa weather! In winter we button up - the coat, the car, the house. In summer we spend much more time outside, which results in chatting more with neighbours and dog walkers etc.
Yes Maple Moments, the general interest clubs I hope will be good - I brought my Citroen 2CV here, and took her to a car show today, and got lots of interest as she's a bit different here. I'm in the Fredericton Marathon too (only 10k, but part of a group) - Air Cadet Parents v the Kids! Guess which group will win:blink: Whether these overtures bear fruit I have yet to find out, I know scores of people here, but only on the most facile of levels.... |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by MillieF
(Post 11629574)
The weather definitely makes for hibernation, I think that such long periods shut inside does something to the psyche...
Yes Maple Moments, the general interest clubs I hope will be good - I brought my Citroen 2CV here, and took her to a car show today, and got lots of interest as she's a bit different here. I'm in the Fredericton Marathon too (only 10k, but part of a group) - Air Cadet Parents v the Kids! Guess which group will win:blink: Whether these overtures bear fruit I have yet to find out, I know scores of people here, but only on the most facile of levels.... Wow, you actually floated yer 2CV over the big pond and can now proudly display it in Fredericton. Great stuff. |
Re: Making friends
I've been thinking of this thread, and also some comments made on the racism thread
I realise that OH and I have a mixed bag of friends here, of all nationalities (hence the thought raised by the other thread) ............ but almost all of them were made over 35 years ago. That is, within a dozen years of arriving here, we had made the good friends that we have today. We used to have contacts with parents of our daughter's class mates, went to dinner and other events with them, some for all of the 12 years the children were "together". We have had no contact with any of those parents since a couple of years after the children graduated. We all moved on. The friends we do have we both made through work or through those friends ............ except for 1 friend of mine who moved here 2 years before us. OH also made a number of friends through refereeing and coaching Rugby .... those are mainly his friends! Most are not English immigrants ........... we have friends who are Canadian born, originally American, originally Australian, originally Irish. The largest number are Canadian born I don't know how we differ, whether it was the work circles we were in, but we cannot complain that we do not have good friends who we see as much or as little as we want. The "drop in for a cuppa" has never been part of our upbringing ........ neither of our parents did it in the UK, and none of our friends do it now. It just does not seem to ever have been a part of the Canadian culture .......... one of our neighbours (a Canadian) tried having coffee mornings some years ago, but they didn't last long. After all, my experience is that most Canadians do not drink much tea Lives are busy, work schedules can be crazy ............... but you do have to put yourself out, and not expect people to come to you. The other thing I have learned over the years is that Canadians are a different people. They may have once been a colony of the UK, and are now a member of the Commonwealth, but they are NOT the UK. You have to learn the language, and the way of talking about things, and adjust accordingly. The sardonic or sarcastic British humour is not commonly appreciated, and may well be completely misunderstood. |
Re: Making friends
My wife has a fair number of friends, but she made them all when she was a child/teenager.
She is in touch with most still, but none live in this town anymore, they have all moved onto other city's and provinces. She is a social butterfly but still doesn't really make friends as an adult. She goes to a few clubs but outside of those clubs nobody really does anything with one another. I am not a social butterfly, and never had friends most of life, so doesn't really bother me too much, generally I am satisfied with not having a bunch of friends. I did look into meetup and such but being a small town nothing was on the websites, well meetup had 1 group, but I don't have an interest that type of group since I am not a business professional. I am friendly with co-workers, but I don't want to see them outside of work, nor do I have much in common with early 20 year old's. Probably just a different way of life vs the UK, or you made the friends you had there when you were younger which is generally easier to do. |
Re: Making friends
it is much harder to make friends the older you get ............. and "old" seems to be over the age of about 25 or 30!
OH's father held on to his family house in another county in England "until retirement" ........... until he realised that all their friends were in the place he now lived, and all his friends from childhood had moved away. So he sold the house. Similarly, they looked at retiring to Canada when both their children ended up here ............ the only people they would have known here were OH and his sibling and their families. In the UK, they had a very active social life. Father-in-law (if not so much m-i-l) realised that their chances of making friends at the age of 65 were much reduced when moving to a completely different country. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 11629632)
it is much harder to make friends the older you get ............. and "old" seems to be over the age of about 25 or 30!
OH's father held on to his family house in another county in England "until retirement" ........... until he realised that all their friends were in the place he now lived, and all his friends from childhood had moved away. So he sold the house. Similarly, they looked at retiring to Canada when both their children ended up here ............ the only people they would have known here were OH and his sibling and their families. In the UK, they had a very active social life. Father-in-law (if not so much m-i-l) realised that their chances of making friends at the age of 65 were much reduced when moving to a completely different country. I feel old mostly from 2 things. The chronic pain that prevents me from doing a lot, and my siblings and cousins all having kids young who are now reaching adulthood. Nothing to make you feel old as seeing a now 18 year old adult that you knew as an infant...lol Good chance one of my sisters will be a grand parent before I have 1 kid...lol People often have different perceptions of home once they are somewhere new, they remember the good, but may not remember the bad. Things change, people change, all you can do is make the best of what you have. |
Re: Making friends
if you feel old at having an 18 year old nephew ............... think what it feels like to have a GREAT niece :lol:
My brother was over 10 years older than me, married young, had his family immediately. I had a great niece by the time I was 42 :eek: She is now old enough to have children ............. but, fortunately for my sanity, hasn't had any! ps ........... I'm sorry to hear you struggle with pain. It's no fun, is it? |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 11629605)
I've been thinking of this thread, and also some comments made on the racism thread
I realise that OH and I have a mixed bag of friends here, of all nationalities (hence the thought raised by the other thread) ............ but almost all of them were made over 35 years ago. That is, within a dozen years of arriving here, we had made the good friends that we have today. We used to have contacts with parents of our daughter's class mates, went to dinner and other events with them, some for all of the 12 years the children were "together". We have had no contact with any of those parents since a couple of years after the children graduated. We all moved on. The friends we do have we both made through work or through those friends ............ except for 1 friend of mine who moved here 2 years before us. OH also made a number of friends through refereeing and coaching Rugby .... those are mainly his friends! Most are not English immigrants ........... we have friends who are Canadian born, originally American, originally Australian, originally Irish. The largest number are Canadian born I don't know how we differ, whether it was the work circles we were in, but we cannot complain that we do not have good friends who we see as much or as little as we want. The "drop in for a cuppa" has never been part of our upbringing ........ neither of our parents did it in the UK, and none of our friends do it now. It just does not seem to ever have been a part of the Canadian culture .......... one of our neighbours (a Canadian) tried having coffee mornings some years ago, but they didn't last long. After all, my experience is that most Canadians do not drink much tea Lives are busy, work schedules can be crazy ............... but you do have to put yourself out, and not expect people to come to you. The other thing I have learned over the years is that Canadians are a different people. They may have once been a colony of the UK, and are now a member of the Commonwealth, but they are NOT the UK. You have to learn the language, and the way of talking about things, and adjust accordingly. The sardonic or sarcastic British humour is not commonly appreciated, and may well be completely misunderstood. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 11629668)
if you feel old at having an 18 year old nephew ............... think what it feels like to have a GREAT niece :lol:
My brother was over 10 years older than me, married young, had his family immediately. I had a great niece by the time I was 42 :eek: She is now old enough to have children ............. but, fortunately for my sanity, hasn't had any! ps ........... I'm sorry to hear you struggle with pain. It's no fun, is it? I am at a point now where my lower back goes into horrendous pain for menial chores like standing and doing dishes by hand, add in my elbows, wrists, and knees and my body is falling apart. The pain by and large why I do not think I will work into older age. I hope my sisters kids do not have kids young, I hope their kids can break the cycle of kids by 19 or 20. Aside from me and a cousin, everyone else (siblings and cousins) had their first kid by 20. I may have ended up with a kid young if I had been interested in dating, but eh I had better things to do, and didn't even start to date until 23 or so. |
Re: Making friends
I like the Peter Ustinov quotation on friendship:
Friends are not necessarily the people you like best; they are merely the people who got there first. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 11629684)
It's miserable and even worse because when your young ish (36) people expect you to not have pain and then act like your lying when you say you can't do something because of it.
I am at a point now where my lower back goes into horrendous pain for menial chores like standing and doing dishes by hand, add in my elbows, wrists, and knees and my body is falling apart. The pain by and large why I do not think I will work into older age. I hope my sisters kids do not have kids young, I hope their kids can break the cycle of kids by 19 or 20. Aside from me and a cousin, everyone else (siblings and cousins) had their first kid by 20. I may have ended up with a kid young if I had been interested in dating, but eh I had better things to do, and didn't even start to date until 23 or so. I do empathise with you ............. my spine is deteriorating in 2 places due to osteoarthritis, and has been since the mid-1980s. OA is also in practically every other joint in my body. I take painkillers every day, have physio every 3 weeks, and do physio-ordained exercises regularly. But I now walk with a cane, and OH has to do almost everything around the house. However, I am a lot older than you! There is a reason why OA and RA are known as among the "invisible" diseases, because they are not immediately obvious. I was much later than my brother in dating seriously and getting married. Well, I had to finish university, and get a real job to find out what it was like not to be a student :rofl: ............... and we took much longer, by choice, to have a child! We'd been married almost 7 years when my daughter was born, and his daughters then ranged in age from 22 to 15. :lol: His daughters never called me "Aunt", I was so close in age to them ............ and that caused great confusion for the eldest one's daughter, who could not understand the relationship for the longest time! The fact that she was only 8 years younger than my daughter also added to the confusion for her! |
Re: Making friends
Lychee
thank you! |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 11629792)
I do empathise with you ............. my spine is deteriorating in 2 places due to osteoarthritis, and has been since the mid-1980s. OA is also in practically every other joint in my body. I take painkillers every day, have physio every 3 weeks, and do physio-ordained exercises regularly. But I now walk with a cane, and OH has to do almost everything around the house.
However, I am a lot older than you! There is a reason why OA and RA are known as among the "invisible" diseases, because they are not immediately obvious. I was much later than my brother in dating seriously and getting married. Well, I had to finish university, and get a real job to find out what it was like not to be a student :rofl: ............... and we took much longer, by choice, to have a child! We'd been married almost 7 years when my daughter was born, and his daughters then ranged in age from 22 to 15. :lol: His daughters never called me "Aunt", I was so close in age to them ............ and that caused great confusion for the eldest one's daughter, who could not understand the relationship for the longest time! The fact that she was only 8 years younger than my daughter also added to the confusion for her! I don't know the in's and out's of medical stuff, but some sort of chemical in the body comes back high when blood work is done which indicates inflammation apparently. The doctors will eventually figure it out, or maybe they won't. Does seem to be a lot people with chronic pain but with no real confirmation as to what is causing it. I just know Tylenol = does almost nothing for it, Advil = makes the pain subside and feel better. ( I use the generic versions, just easier to type out the brand names...lol) We have no plans for kids, we couldn't provide what they would need without adding huge struggle and stress to the mix. We don't say it will never happen, as we haven't taken any permanent steps to prevent a child since we don't know what the next 5-8 years hold, but accidents do happen, but we no plans at this time to have kids. We shall see what the future holds. |
Re: Making friends
I depend on Tylenol, am not allowed to take Advil because of another problem that I have that would be made worse by taking it (any NSAID is off limits for me).
So far over-the-counter Tylenol is OK, with Tylenol 3 as the "take when necessary". I'm not sure what the next medication will be if / when Tylenol stops working for me. I too have never received a definite diagnosis of which arthritis I have because the blood tests are inconclusive ......... but the damage I have is typical of OA, so we go with that I do believe that I would not even be walking now if I had not found my current physio (courtesy of my then GP) back in 1997. I hope they find something to help you. You are too young! |
Re: Making friends
Ideally the doctor would rather not have me use advil because of stomach issue, but I can't take tylenol because of its potential to damage the liver which is a higher risk for me due to something in the past.
Luckily Zantac 2 times per day keeps the advil from bugging my stomach, so taking a pill so I can take a pill, if that makes sense. |
Re: Making friends
I currently take 2 different prescribed medications for the stomach problem that Advil would make worse ................. the 2 together cost me almost $200 a month
If the problem is made worse ......... a pre-pre-cancerous condition becomes pre-cancerous and then quite quickly cancerous it's the reason I can no longer drink even ½ glass of wine. Two sips of champagne at Christmas and again at New Year is all I've been able to drink for about 5 years. :( |
Re: Making friends
I thought that this was about making friends. Hey Ho.
My lower back hurts and so does my right shoulder |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by themajor
(Post 11629915)
I thought that this was about making friends. Hey Ho.
My lower back hurts and so does my right shoulder |
Re: Making friends
The thing is about making friends, is that the ones that find it easy are YOUNG or have a family or are working. Now if you do not fit into those catagories it will be very hard to make friends. You will meet people who will chat to you in the bars/pubs/restaurants but they are not what you call friends.
Good luck :fingerscrossed: |
Re: Making friends
A friend is someone who will help you move,
a best friend is someone who will help you move a body. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by caretaker
(Post 11631259)
A friend is someone who will help you move,
a best friend is someone who will help you move a body. I agree and also A true friend is someone who knows all about you warts and all and they still like you. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by Jsmth321
(Post 11629860)
but the joints not fully sure, doctors figured it was arthritis of some sort, but the tests they did basically added more questions...lol
I don't know the in's and out's of medical stuff, but some sort of chemical in the body comes back high when blood work is done which indicates inflammation apparently. A pal's daughter in her early 20's has a vague diagnosis of some form of lupus. With this, it can be very hard to pin it down exactly. Can you think of anyone in your family with similar? Perhaps a couple of generations back. A grandpaprent . Often these types of issues skip a generation. I do hope the quacks can pin what this is :fingerscrossed: and if it is an auto-immune issue, which particular type to get you on the right meds with good guidance for the correct physio . Apologies for off topic . As you were folks |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by BEVS
(Post 11633703)
My Mum was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in her early 30's so I know, albeit 2nd hand , what it is like for a person to suffer enormous debilitating severe joint/bone pain.
A pal's daughter in her early 20's has a vague diagnosis of some form of lupus. With this, it can be very hard to pin it down exactly. Can you think of anyone in your family with similar? Perhaps a couple of generations back. A grandpaprent . Often these types of issues skip a generation. I do hope the quacks can pin what this is :fingerscrossed: and if it is an auto-immune issue, which particular type to get you on the right meds with good guidance for the correct physio . Apologies for off topic . As you were folks My dad has mild arthritis, his onset was in his mid 50's and is milder then mine is. It does run in the family. I seem to have won the gene pool, but not the good kind. Seems I got all the bad genes, well except hair loss lucked out there so far (most men in the family have balding in their early 30's, so to be in my late 30's almost and still thick hair, pretty good.) My sister has no health issues that I am aware of, but her son has a slew of them, but really serious ones, mostly related to the heart.Heart issues run on my dad's side, mine are luckily mild and not considered life threatening. Her son's is potentially life threatening and he has some sort of device implanted to shock the heart, he was born with a hole in his heard, it was patched, but he has electrical issues of some sort. My guess based on family history, sometime between 60 and 67, I'll drop dead from a massive heart attack, seems to be the way the men go. However my dad and myself don't smoke nor drink, and first not to smoke and drink, so really we are the test cases to see if we can make it past 67. My mom's side has longevity, so I could benefit from that. Her dad is 80 and my great grandmother on that side lived into her late 90's. |
Re: Making friends
I find it rather sobering to realise that I have already lived longer than any member of my immediate family .............. parents, brother, maternal and paternal grandparents.
Heart being the major problem on both sides. I do however have 3 cousins still alive in OZ who are 86, 88 and 90, children of my Dad's eldest brother. I'm hoping that whatever they inherited has come down to me! That, plus the medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol that I have to take |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by scilly
(Post 11633879)
I find it rather sobering to realise that I have already lived longer than any member of my immediate family .............. parents, brother, maternal and paternal grandparents.
Heart being the major problem on both sides. I do however have 3 cousins still alive in OZ who are 86, 88 and 90, children of my Dad's eldest brother. I'm hoping that whatever they inherited has come down to me! That, plus the medications for high blood pressure and cholesterol that I have to take The heart seems to be the trouble maker for early deaths on my dad's side. |
Re: Making friends
Originally Posted by Rosie Lee
(Post 11619815)
I always found Canadians to be incredibly friendly right from the off, but it doesn't seem to go any further than that. You can know someone for several years, but it still feels like the relationship hasn't progressed any further than when you first met.
And what is this idea that your business acquaintances are your buddies?? When the chips come down, its business!:sneaky: My closest friends here without a doubt are usually people not born in Canada. Often ex-pats...we share a common sense of humour, interest in absurd things, interesting places, footie, quirky tv, etc. Joining footie team has helped me meet many like minded people. Some work related people have transposed into becoming friends..most of them are not born in Canada. |
Re: Making friends
Agreed, the friends I've made here have been other Brits (obviously), Pakistanis, Serbians, Colombians, Indians, Chinese, Israelis, etc etc. Not many born and bred Canadians!
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