I found this on the internet, is any of this true? I posted it also in Move back to UK to get both opinions. I have got a funny felling just another idiot on the net with nothing better to do than slag off somewhere. It wasn't my first impression of the place, it seemed very friendly.


Here are some tips on how to survive in Calgary... these are things I wish I had known prior to moving here

• Don’t take it personally. They treat everyone like that

• Don’t feed a Calgarian after midnight, nor get them wet

• Don’t apologize. It’s a sign of weakness

• Just because you were in line first, doesn’t mean a whole lot here

• When you encounter a Calgarian in it’s natural habitat, do not look it straight in the eye…if a Male Calgarian charges towards you, crouch down and roll your shoulders in a submissive nature

• Don’t show your teeth to a Calgarian

• Don’t assume that they know how to drive.. things like rules of the road, speed limits and lanes are only nice suggestions

• Wear extra padding when walking in public or crossing streets… it will help when you hit the hood of a Calgarian’s car and hit their windshield

• Don’t imitate a Male Calgarian by beating on your chest. It may take that as a challenge and charge towards you and attack

• Don’t expect customer service at the malls or at restaurants

• Pepper spray has been proven as an effective Calgarian deterrent. Wear it on your belt like you would a pistol. There's NO time to get it from your pack once you're in trouble. Don't hang around after you've sprayed a Calgarian. Once the initial shock has worn off, Calgarians have been known to ENJOY licking the pepper residue off themselves!

• Never say you are from Ontario.. . they don’t like you, and they never will

• Beware of Cougars! They are usually females between the ages of 35 and 60 and they can be very aggressive. Cougars have been known to take down prey four times their own weight

• Never complain about the weather when the temperature gets down to -30C. It will get colder

• Calgarians can not park their vehicles. If you must drive and leave your car outside in a parking lot, try to park as far away from any Calgarian as possible.

• When a Calgarian tells you that they live in a “large, metropolitan world class city” just bite your lip and nod

• When walking in town, be on the look out for signs of Calgarians such as tracks, claw marks, puke in the street, or torn up stumps and trees, bedding and den sites, kills, etc.

• If you see a Calgarian:
o Stop, stand still a moment, and stay calm
o If the Calgarian is already aware of you, help it to identify you as a human being. Talk in low tones, and use simple English and slowly wave your arms. It may then leave. Staying upwind will help it to smell you.
o Do NOT run from a Calgarian or Cougar unless you are sure you can reach a safe place. Both can run faster than humans even when heavily intoxicated.

• Don’t tell a Calgarian you are gay, it’s worse than being an Ontarian.

• The Largest collection of white trash in the world occurs once a year for a two week period in the summer month of July. Although the World Health Organization has assessed that this period is relatively safe. Take all necessary precautions.. Remember, you are the visitor in its home, and the Calgarian is only doing what Calgarians do

• If you are a minority. Take extra precautions. Make sure someone knows where you are going and when you plan to return

• You can cross the street anywhere, anytime here, even on major 3 lane freeways

• Don’t laugh at the ugly ones, it’s the years of inbreeding

Shouldnt worry too much about it, its probably like welsh jokes in the UK, Anyway looks like we'll be ok there cos according to some study, I live next to a town that has the smallest gene pool in Europe

And before some funny bugger says something, no i'm not related to any of them!!!

I think you'll find whoever wrote it, had his tongue firmly planted in his cheek.



Apart from .......

• Never say you are from Ontario.. . they don’t like you, and they never will, a friend in BC refers to me as pond scum

This bit is true:
Don’t assume that they know how to drive.. things like rules of the road, speed limits and lanes are only nice suggestions

this bit is true in part and I have decided when in Rome and all that.
• Calgarians can not park their vehicles


TBH I haven't met that many calgarians as such. Two mums at school are born calgarians, the rest are incomers of some sort, lots from AB and SK, and then all over.

At work I guess there are a few but lots of canadians I work with are not calgarians. My boss is from BC. My top boss from UK and then loads of people from all over the world.

Gryph

There are people out there who hate Calgary as much as Calgarians APPARENTLY hate Ontario. I'm guessing it was written by someone like that.

If there was any truth to it, it may be a bit funny. But there isn't a lot of truth to it. I'd say its an insult written by someone who for some reason hates Calgary.

Go with your first impression. We did and have loved it here for 10 years now.

probably written by someone from edmonton, all of which you could apply here to. with cowboy hats and boots.

Calgary is experiencing growing pains, owing to rapid growth. These issues are addressed in the Wiki article called Calgary Pros and Cons. Civic authorities struggle to expand the infrastructure at a rate that keeps pace with population growth. Service in stores rarely is what it used to be prior to the boom, and service in restaurants tends to be hit and miss.

But, those problems notwithstanding, there still are an amazing number of good people in Calgary.

For example, last summer I did an incredibly stupid thing. I was engrossed in reading a book and boarded a bus at Heritage Station, leaving my briefcase behind on the bench on which I'd been sitting. My briefcase contained my keys and wallet, along with cash, credit cards, driver's licence, etc. A couple of days later I received a phone call from the Calgary Transit's Lost Property office. They said that someone had turned my briefcase in. When I claimed it from them, I checked its contents. Everything was as I had left it, down to the last cent.

I could go on and on about how decent people generally are and how many nice things they do.

Perhaps the author whom Cassie quoted was suffering from Culture Shock. One of the symptoms of the Rejection phase of Culture Shock is that the level of annoyance is out of proportion to the significance of the triggers.
x

Me too! ..... I mean, when some nice guy smashed my car window and grabbed my purse, they only took the cash out and threw the purse back into the car complete with all contents, including all my ID and other cards!

I was so grateful!!!!

Joking aside, I'm hoping the original poster was not serious when they asked if the thing-they-found-on-the-internet was true.

It's mostly just one of those things that people post on the Internet when they think they're being clever/funny!

We love living here.

I think for a brief second Cassie 1000 thought it was true, as it was also posted in the MBTUK forum.

Dont believe all that you read on the web Cassie 1000.

Some of the post did make me smile.

Thanks for all your replies, karma sent to all.

I know that some of the quotes were stupid, but some of them made me think.

All taken with a pinch of salt, then. Thank you.

i forgot to say as well that this could all be applied to manchester too, probably x 10 for anything relating to violence.

" OI YOU SPILLED MY PINT!!" Whack
" WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?!" biff
" GET OUT YOUR GARDEN!?, WHO THE F+&K ARE YOU!!" bosh
" EXCUSE ME YOU WANT TO GET PAST!!!!" biff bash bosh.

Well it just goes to show there are good and bad people everywhere doesn't it.
I discovered 3 days after easter that id left my bag in the pub on Easter Sunday. It was all there when i rang them, keys, money, cards, sat nav the lot.
Patsy
Liverpool

no way, in liverpool!? are you married to a gangster or something.