Abby2012

So, myself and my hubby are considering the move from the UK to Canada, and we are in the process of narrowing down areas..

But there is a part of me that feels insanely guilty about leaving family behind.. Our daughter is 19 months old now, and she spends 2 days a week being looked after by my parents, the other three days she is in nursery (myself and my hubby both work full time).

My parents have said that they would support us, whatever decision we made, but I still feel guilty. They would see our daughter only once or twice a year..

Would it make it easier if we left it a few years until our daughter was older and they'd be seeing her less anyway as she'd be at school?

Does the guilt ever go away?

montreal mike

I understand but you must live your lives

I left at age 19 in 1962

it upset my mother

she is now gone and i have lived my life, not hers

no point delaying, it will be even more difficult as time goes by

orly

Not to sound harsh but it's your life to live. You'll likely carry "guilt" after you move and you should understand in advance that it can become a consuming negative for you if you focus on it.

I've read many posts from people who have had similar feelings or related stuff about homesickness and have ended up allowing it to corrupt their view of Canada to the point they consider packing up and going back again. Prepare in advance.

Yandros

I have to agree with the previous posts that it's your life.

I don't have kids but still felt guilty about leaving, and still do to some extent. Recently my brother was diagnosed with a long term serious illness which doesn't help, but I 'm still glad we made the move. If we hadn't due to feeling guilty there would always have been that 'what if' feeling and probably some unjustified resentment that family stopped us making the move.

I don't think there will ever be a time when it won't be a wrench to leave, but everyone has to decide what's best for them.

Good luck.

magnumpi

Remember it's Canada not Mars, it's only a 7 hour flight, and she can come over anytime you can afford it.

MillieF

There are lots of bits of Europe and other bits of the UK that you could move to and have a great deal of difficulty returning from in a hurry.

I know that some posters on here have found it very hard in times of crisis to be without the backup system that family support can provide. That's why it's a tough decision to move and you really need to be fully aware of all that you stand to lose, as well as gain.

There are a couple of posters who seem to have a charmed magic carpet move and no regrets....I think that's great and they should be celebrated, but I do think that for the vast majority of us the personal positives, will come with a number of negatives too.

Paul_Shepherd

Totally agree with this, however i think you have to decide what the real reasons you want to make this move....bearing in mind Canada is not for everyone, but if your reasons are strong enough it will get you through the most negative periods when your here. The pull of Canada has to be stronger than the push from the UK, although both play a part.

I am not married or have any kids, and my parents passed away when i was in my 20s so it was somewhat easier for me, that said....my sister has two young boys, even though they are not mine, they are the nearest i will get, and it gives me a sad feeling everytime i look at their pictures. But.....this is my life and im happier for living in Canada, as the OP said this move must be for you, the rest of your family have their lives (just like my sister has) you must do what makes you happy.

Who knows as an outside chance its not imcomprehensible that your parents could come and live in Canada with you at a later date if it all worked out well for you, and if they wanted to of course. I believe can do this for immeadiate family under sponsorship.....other posters on here may or may not confirm this....

bats

Why are you moving?

Cabbagetown

Same issue here. The biggest challenge I always had with my parents is that they settled in a very remote part of Europe where finding jobs and an exciting life for somebody young was simply not possible. On top of that my father enjoyed quite a good career in that remote place.

The biggest issue I always had with family and relatives was always the issue about "geographic location" rather than not seeing eye to eye on general matters in life.

MillieF

The East Coast Canadians are suffering very much the same, due to lack of employment generally, there is a huge exodus from the Maritimes to other parts and families are being fractured....long distances involved too OP.

Cabbagetown

The issue in my case is that my father can be very dominating, and my mother's reaction towards Canada is a negative emotional one.

To me the matter is not only closely related to living in a Country where one wants to be in, such as Canada, but also as you described a job issue and an economic issue within Canada's different provinces and the overall economic situation. This matter, combined with today's uncertainty in job life ( no one seems to have one job for his/her whole life anymore, like our parents would have had) have always put me off from starting a family of my own. The chances of raising kids and that one day they end up living somewhere completely far away is very high in today's world.

mjanovitz

Well we have been here since 2006, came over with an 18 month old and had a second one that was born out here.

To be honest the guilt doesn't go away, I still feel bad, but not all the time. We skype on a regular basis, and we see our parents once a year.

I feel okay now, but when someone comes out to visit and then they leave I feel home sick and guilty about separating children from their grandparents.

However when you see the kids having fun on the beach in the nice summers and snow tubing down the hills in the winter and the better quality of life, I know we did the right thing

With our parents they actually see the children more now than they would have if we had stayed home, as few hours visiting 2-3 times a month doesn't add up to a two week stay. Its not the same though, but guess you can't have your cake and eat it!!

My dad has multiple sclerosis which makes it difficult for him to travel so that is in issue to. I thought about visiting the UK this year, but we booked to go to Cuba instead!!

Sealaig

I agree this is how I feel.

Nuckynoo

I've just found your tread and I am in the same position.

My sister moved from Manchester to Newcastle UK and when she did my parents were not happy... In fact my parents didn't speak to her for 2 to 3 years ! And it had a massive impact on my sister and her relationship with my mum n dad.

I have an opportunity to move to Canada and I am very fearful of how my parents are going to react ! Although I have asked myself time and time again ...I have to take what opportunities life brings to me and make the most of them, if I don't do this now then I probably never will and I will eventually end up regretting it and resenting my parents for it.

scootb

I told my dad I was thinking about it,I was worried as my mother died in 1997(NHS cock up),and my brother doesn't have or want kids so I have his only 3 grandkids.
He told me to go for it as I would regret it if I didn't at least give it a shot,we had nothing back in the UK so it was a small gamble for a better life.
So far it has been VERY worth it!