I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I was ok up until now. I’m beginning to hate the idea of moving to Canada. Everything sounds so expensive. Landlords don’t even respond to us, employers don’t respond (inspite of having loads of RELEVANT experience and masters degrees). Houses are bigger but GTA is the biggest bubble in North America! I’m scared of buying. We are moving (to Waterloo area) to find local jobs and avoid the commute. We got a bit carried away by bigger houses too. Shouldn’t we be just moving to Leeds or Manchester? I don’t know. We’ve been planning this move for nearly 4 years. We sold our house and moved into a rented place last year. We told our landlord we are leaving. This house is already on the market. I am pulling my kids out of a top grammar school here. I don’t know what I’m doing really.

should I just abort this move?? That won’t solve the issues we currently have (long commutes and small house). I am posting here for some hand holding please.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I’m sorry you seem so stressed out but it is normal. Moving is stressful. I consider the year I moved to Canada the worst year of my entire life, not because Canada is bad, but for exactly the reasons you mentioned. I had to sell my flat, get rid of all my belongings while still taking care of my then 2 year old and so many other things. It is normal to have doubts too specially when kids are involved. I didn’t move here thinking this is a great move but had to consider so many things for our family and make some sacrifices too.
You shouldn’t abort the move you planned for 4 years in my opinion. You will be fine. Of course moving is stressful, I think most people go through similar emotions, Stay positive. Just remember why you wanted to move to Canada in the first place. You can make it work.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

How long is it till you go WinterD?

I think you’d be a bit odd if you didn’t feel that way from time to time. There were a couple of times that I drove into country lanes stopped the car and swore and cried a bit...it made me feel better. It’s a terrifying move to make, because you have a lot riding on it, you feel you’ve got to make it all OK for your family and be the superwoman that they need, but the strain is immense some days.

It does however sound like you have planned this out well, certainly financially...it doesn’t sound like you just threw the kids and home in a van and said ‘let’s move to Canada’!

Can you think back to when you first started to think that this might be a good idea, and when you thought it might become a reality? That must have been fairly exciting? If you could try to recapture some of those thoughts it might help. Speak to your partner...they are probably having the same anxious thoughts.

Don’t abandon the plan at this stage, because you’ll probably kick yourself later. Personally, two days before giving birth I thought it was the most ghastly mistake...and I was never too sure I should get married either...and moving to Canada was never something on my bucket list! They ultimately worked out, with hiccups ;).

You are not going to be happy as in :thumbsup: for a good while to come...you are going to be exhausted, frantic and very doubtful...but you have come this far...don’t get cold feet now (no pun intended!). You made the decision, as a family, for a reason...because you knew what was going to offer the best for you all long term. This is just another hurdle, and you’ll get over it. Bit by bit.

You’ve come this far...believe in your own earlier decisions.

Best of luck and warmest wishes :thumbup:

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Get a good real estate agent to find you a rental rather than trying to secure one whilst overseas - it won't cost you a penny.. You might not want to sign a 1 year agreement and send first and last months rent on a property you haven't seen - just an online advert - or haven't had a professional see. Renting via online adverts can be dodgy (there's a lot of scams out there) - and they may not respond to you because they have 10 other applicants who live locally. If you don't want to use a real estate agent you may be better securing an Airbnb or similar short term let through an agency for a month, while you look for a more permanent one. Read up on the renting laws for Ontario as well :) https://settlement.org/ontario/housi...ponsibilities/
You could also get a .ca email address - yahoo.ca for example - which might help with the response issue - a lot of websites block email addresses that are overseas due to scamming.

Employers often won't respond until you are in Canada - it's normal... I take it you have read the job hunting wiki - but once you are here you will likely have a more luck. Generally speaking, unless you are in a profession that is in demand you are unlikely to get any interest from Canadian employers until you are here.... your experience overseas often has no bearing on your employability here, you are an unknown quantity to employers.
Think about the reasons you want to come to Canada - if you made all these plans to come then you will hopefully still be drawn TO the country :)
Take a deep breath... you are bound to last minute nerves!
Good luck :)

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Employers and landlords won't respond unless you are in Canada (or at least appear to be, with local address, phone number and .com/.ca email), for employers the issue is lots of people seek sponsorship from overseas. It's not uncommon for a job ad to receive resumes from China, India, etc. - the result is these resumes are binned before they are even looked at. Landlords also have other tenants lined up so won't hold the door for someone overseas when they can get someone to take a look at it within a few days.

Also when you do get here, spend some time formatting your CV to North American resume format if you haven't already.

You would have similar issues if you lived in Canada and were trying to do the reverse to the UK.

In regards to the housing bubble, I agree completely. It is a bubble waiting to burst - Vancouver's is already popping as we speak. Our family is renting at the moment watching the market for this exact reason.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Thanks a TON everyone. I feel a bit better today. My husband and I had a long chat last night. We went through all the reasons and the problems we are trying to solve with the move. It makes sense, but still there were lots of tears etc (from me). He is weirdly composed and cool about the whole thing (I DON'T GET IT !! ). He keeps saying its an adventure! I don't do adventures. He goes on every single ride at the theme park and I don't like theme parks. No wonder its affecting me so much.

Also, the weather has been very bad here lately, but the sun is out today. If you have ANY tips or anything to tell me about making our settling in easier there, please please share it. I'll be very grateful. Thanks again.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Good luck with your move. Main thing is not to get carried away with bigger houses and use common sense. A larger house eventually means even more costs and maintenance. Especially when prices are at their highest, don't rush into buying.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Absolutely with you on this. Although we get very tempted at times, we quickly come back to our senses. Renting is the way to go for a few years now.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

im going to go against the grain here and say go with your gut,,if it doesn't feel right dont do it

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

It's mind against heart thing. It feels absolutely right sometimes. Sometimes, I just want to stay.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

You're a computer person. Do you want a .net contract convenient to Waterloo to get you started? Crap money but, whaddya want, it's .net It does offer that fabled "Canadian Experience".

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Not sure when you're moving over but if there is still snow around take note of what people do with it to free up their driveways and steps and use that information for working out how to manage snow clearance when looking for somewhere to live.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Not sure what house prices are doing in Waterloo, but as it is that much closer to Toronto, I would expect they get a slight 'ripple out' effect, but not 'bubble' status. I am in London (further out again) and property prices are going up 10% plus per annum with no sign of stopping. Here you can get a nice 3 bed above grade house with finished basement in a decent area for $550,000ish.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Hi, we moved with two pre-teens to Waterloo a couple of years ago. It takes time to settle and I wouldn’t say we are completely settled but so far the benefits outweigh the negatives. We were in London and the quality of life in Waterloo is better. the biggest thing is missing family and friends as it takes a while to build your social circle but it has brought us closer as a family as we have had to rely on each other far more than we would have done in the UK. We found a house to rent when we got here at the time there was not much rental stock but we still managed to find something within a month of arriving. With a move this disruptive especially with kids, mindset is everything......come with an open mind, don’t compare with the UK and accept it takes time to adapt.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

If you're dreading the move that much I wouldn't do it.

Canada is a change of scenery and in some aspects can be a change of lifestyle but I wouldn't hope it was necessarily a solution to any problem.

The Golden Horseshoe is over heated in much the same way the South East of England is.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I think reviewing the reasons for leaving the UK and moving to Canada, which were presumably made in a less emotionally charged atmosphere, may provide some comfort and stability. I guess you just have to trust yourselves that your reasoning and planning are sound and accept the reality that moving house, let alone country, is one of life's most stressful experiences. That is a reality that one almost needs to accept and just continue breathing. Sounds like you have done careful planning and certainly taken time to structure the move - trust that.

One thing I will add is that, once you get here, you may need to lean into your reasons for coming whilst you take the time to get up and running. It may take time to unearth the opportunities that put you back at the level you left, so you need to prepare for that and, again, just accept it.

I say all this as somebody who did not plan as much or as well as you, and had to take some time off work in order to really work through things. I am coming out the other side in a much better place but I would again encourage you to trust yourselves, your reasons and your careful planning.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

My own experience on the real estate front was it turned out far better that we waited until we landed in Vancouver before settling on a rental property. We did a lot of real estate searching before the move, and it was mostly in vain. What we did learn from pre-arrival searching was:

1. what the market was generally like;

2. what the typical housing stock was like;

3. what the prices were like;

4. what was available in which neighbourhoods.

We entered into negotiations with one landlord before we arrived and thank goodness we didn't proceed with that. We ended with far better housing for close to the same money in what turned out to be a far better location.

It's a big deal moving countries. There will be challenges in the early days getting used to the way things are done here. But it is a great adventure to move countries and facing the challenges with that sense of adventure first and foremost will hopefully provide some inspiration and energy for you in tackling the move. Good luck!

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Thanks so much for being so kind! Unfortunately, I am not a programmer :(

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Hi MelVan, Thanks for sharing your experiences.

How did you find this new place? Internet sources like Kijiji/agents or just driving around?

Thank you :)

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Reasons for leaving the UK are clear and strong. When I get worked up and super stressed, I just want to stay back. Within minutes, I know we have to leave. Absolutely sure about that. We did a lot of planning, budgeting and saving. Everything is in a spreadsheet (that has now evolved into a financial model. I can tweak things like exchange rate and figures all automatically update). My pain points are employment and kids I guess. No amount of worrying can help this. I just have to learn to breathe and give it time.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I'm definitely dreading the move. It's not about Canada I guess. Its the mental load of getting rid of all our belongings and moving with just suitcases (we are shipping stuff, but not much). Leaving friends, familiar surroundings, the guilt of taking kids away from their own little bubble. It's like a tornado hitting you - in slow motion.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Thanks a lot for sharing this. How did you find your rental? Did you have jobs before you landed? Please could you tell me more about your move?

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Your apparent reason for coming to Canada concern me - it sounds as if you are not running TO a place you have always wanted to live, and yearn for...... you are running away from (leaving) the place you no longer feel is right for you... "we have to leave" --- You may struggle to adapt and settle unless Canada is a place you have wanted to live; it's not as if you are moving because you love Canada so much and want to live here... or because you have amazing job offers etc., that you are moving for... so do have a good hard think about why you are moving to Canada - and could those needs be met (the 'escape') by moving to a different part of the UK? Try not to get overwhelmed... but if you are having serious doubts then perhaps emigrating to Canada isn't for you.... or perhaps the time isn't right.. What are the reasons for moving to Canada? My old Dad had a saying which rang very true for me...... "when in doubt, don't"

Perhaps have a read of the wiki about the psychology of relocating: https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Psych...ocation-Canada and culture shock once you have.. https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Culture_Shock-Canada and

You don't have to leave all your worldly goods behind.. in fact bringing memory pieces, favourite items etc., is what will help you feel more at home. :)

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I would agree with Siouxie here.

You are using words like 'hate' and 'dread'. While it is normal to have a few doubts leading up to the move, those are not the kind of words that I would associate with 'a few doubts'. If you go through with the move, with your outlook, you will spot all the negatives and ignore the positives - i.e. you will hardly be objective about your new country. Even for people that have a strong desire to move to Canada, it can be hard to settle. It won't take you long to decide your fears were right, especially in the first year when there are loads of things to do and everything is strange and different.

The quickest I have seen anyone on this forum bounce back to the UK after having gone to all the trouble of gaining PR was just under one month IIRC. There was also a recent thread on this forum from someone who is yearning to return to the UK, but the OH has said that they are staying in Canada - what wins out, the marriage or the country.



It sounds like your OH is extremely keen to move to Canada and you are pretty keen not to.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

To be fair a factor of why I left the UK was because I disliked living there. I think not being happy in your home country is very common for immigrants. I had a few places I was considering but Canada (or rather, Vancouver specifically) checked all the boxes for me. I'm sure Winterdiva has legit reasons for picking Toronto, or at least I hope she does!

But that is a fair point that hating/dreading shouldn't really be too severe. I remember I was scared of the move, but I was also incredibly excited for it. If there's zero excitement then that is cause for concern.

I agree you should bring some things with you. I was very fortunate that I had my parents store some of my old belongings and ship them to me and it was a really wonderful feeling seeing them again. Although material items shouldn't matter it can feel like something is missing if you don't have something to connect you to your old life.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Pre-move, we spent a lot of time searching the various internet sources such as Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace, and had our sister-in-law (who lives in Vancouver) do some inspections for us. Once we arrived we started doing the inspections ourselves. We applied for one apartment in the building we're in, and were rejected (!!!), but then we did some searching for other apartments in the same building and found our new Vancouver home pretty quickly after that. There was quite a bit of serendipity in how it happened - we thought the place we were rejected for was pretty good, but the one we eventually took has turned out to be far better - in fact, almost perfect for us.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

What are these reasons ?

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Well said.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Exactly.

Also, why Canada? Why specifically Waterloo? What are you expecting to find that you won't find in the UK?

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

We are moving out of the UK and Canada seems to be our best option. I can’t write here about our reasons for choosing Canada as they are very specific and hence potentially identifying. However, we chose Waterloo area due to availability of local tech jobs.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Your "threads started" history shows a very clear focus on Canada, even different areas, and none anywhere else. That strongly suggest you've considered things carefully unlike those who just want out of the UK and look at "anywhere" to get away :thumbup:

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Hi, they way you are feeling is totally normal. The few months before I moved was the most stressful of my life. I had very good reasons for wanting to come but kept focusing on everything I was leaving behind, the amount that I had to do, the fear that it would work, I would like it etc etc. I had frequent anxiety attacks, didn’t sleep, cried at things that i would normally just breeze through.

We are still settling on, starting our job hunt etc in Canada but I almost immediately calmed down once I got on the plane. The excitement and adventure overtook the stress.

At my lowest when I was, like you, thinking about giving up on the idea and staying in the UK I would ask myself which I would regret more, moving and it not working and coming home or not moving at all. I always knew I would regret not giving it a go more, despite the stress.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Honestly, no clue what I’ll regret more.
The job hunt thing is stressing me out big time. I’m reading awful stories everywhere. We aren’t expecting anywhere near our UK salaries, but I don’t think I’m prepared to drive taxis or stack shelves. Im feeling super guilty about pulling kids out of top grammars here, only to return a year or so later because we haven’t found work. There are jobs, we have lots of relevant experience. However, I cannot get Canadian experience without a Canadian firm hiring me.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

If you have excellent salaries and your kids are doing well at top schools where you are, what is the pull to come to Canada? That reason may be what makes or breaks the move and the likelihood of successfully integrating and being content with your lot.

Unless you have professions that are in short supply in Canada you may have difficulty in obtaining a job initially. It's common for immigrants to have to take a step backwards in their careers, moving down in the level of job they have or sideways. It's not insurmountable but it's something you must be prepared for; you might luck out and get one of the first jobs you apply for when you are here - but it could also take you months to obtain one in your profession... that's where having a good amount of settlement funds is essential.

Perhaps write down the reasons for and against moving...

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I think your concerns are most definitely valid and, to be honest, I do struggle to understand why people with good jobs in the UK and kids would choose to move here without work, unless they have a huge appetite for adventure - which you say you don't have. I can understand it from some other parts of the world but not from somewhere like the UK. The only reasons you have stated on here for wanting to leave are that you have a small house and a long commute. There are small houses here too, the GTA is not cheap, and the traffic is terrible so even short distances can turn into a lengthy commute.

We came under the best possible circumstances - both had jobs that paid a lot more than our UK jobs - I was permitted to dictate my own working hours (becoming the first professional woman in the company to work part time), the move was fully financed by our company, including 6 months of rental accommodation, PR applications paid for, assistance of immigration lawyer - who actually came to airport when we arrived just in case there were any issues, our flights were paid for, removals cost paid for, they gave us extra cash to help us replace things like electronics that wouldn't work here. All four of us were keen to make the move and were fully behind it and we all loved it right from the start. Even with all of that in our favour - it still wasn't easy. If one family member is not sure about the move then I can't even begin to imagine how dreadful that could get.

There are lots of places in the UK with less expensive housing, and shorter commute times, if those are your only reasons for wanting to move. If there are other reasons then, as suggested above, you need to really think about them and if you decide that they are worth the upheaval then focus on that and try to keep negative thoughts under control.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Moving sideways or even a level down is fine too. We have a good amount of settlement funds - enough to comfortably last a year or two. I'm just worried about something I cant put my finger on. Perhaps the fear of not finding jobs.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

If you are career orientated (I think that's a bit of a nonsense for computer people but, hey ho) then the smart thing Is to take a contract. That way you get some cash flow and local experience and you can leave after six months or a year without it being a blip on the resume. If subsequently a question arises about having taken a position off your career trajectory "new country, wanted to get the measure of the workplace culture without committing" is more or less true and is credible. If otoh, you take a permanent job and it's a disaster, you'll be forever having to explain why you left, or were fired, after a short period.

I am, of course, a pimp, so I have a dog in this fight, but that's how I see it.

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

Do you have any contacts in Waterloo area dbd33?

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

This 100%. I don't live in the GTA & have only visited but the thought of moving there with expensive housing, long commutes etc, would make me question whether it is worthwhile. Add in uncertainty over career and I definitely wouldn't do it. There is an old adage that many of the things that expats look for in Canada - bigger houses, the fabled "quality of life" can be achieved by moving from the South East of England to the North (or West or Scotland). Such a move comes with less cost, less risk and should have less career impact. Of course, if you want to leave the Uk for reasons, or want to move to another country for reasons, than fair enough,but be prepared (as I think the OP is) for bumps in the road on your journey!

FWIW I moved to a small City in Canada in an isolated province purely for reasons of the heart - Mrs AX is from Newfoundland. That makes gives a different perspective on the challenges (& there were a few over the past 15 years) we faced.

AX

Re: I hate it even before we moved there.
 

I can't imagine making this move without having an overwhelming positive feeling towards it.

Finding work is tough. Not as in "hard work but you'll get there". Many immigrants leave again because they can't find a job in their field, no matter their experience and qualifications.

When you have a job holiday allowance sucks. Depending on industry, long hours. Weekends.

It's expensive and far to fly to anywhere else to get away.

You have to make a whole new social network. Even in Toronto, as diverse as it is, this isn't London or New York for making friendship groups. It takes a long time to slot in. Canadians have their networks from school days, early careers.

I'm happy here. Doubled down and recently bought a house. But I was (and am) super excited and positive about the move, then I deal with the blows as they come :)