Howefamily

Oh Oink - there you are! You took your time!

Oink

What's that meant to mean? I was simply curious as to why, as you stated, you'd put your family through so much emotional pain by emigrating? Can't you work something out in the UK where you don't take your Dad's grandchildren away from him?

rufus2000

It's not about taking grandchildren away from family to cause them pain. It's about making a better life for yourselves. If everyone stayed in the uk so that they didn't upset anyone with their move then I would imagine that most expats on here would still be living in the uk.

Oink. Were your family supportive of your move?

Pebblebeach

The approach we took was to go on a reccie (which was just a holiday to everyone else). When we came back we kept mentioning all the great things about Nova Scotia and how we want to go back again. When we then told people it was not quite such a shock. This worked really well with one exception.

(MIL was always going to be a nightmare (classically everything i do/say/think is wrong in her eyes). To our amazement when we told her, she was a bit upset, but actually really supportive. However, a week later she decided we were being totally selfish and told us if we were still going she wanted nothing more to do with us. She hasn't, for 10 months, including ignoring her son and grandsons birthday. This made me very sad for them, but have now got to the stage where I feel they are better off without her spiteful influence. FIL has to do as he is told. Feel sorry for him too. I know he would love to come out and visit, but will not be allowed.)

You are in a really difficult situation, i feel for you. Do you think a rosy review of a holiday in Canada make open the way to talk to them about it?

paolosmythe

irrespective of illness and any other complicating matters.... people emigrate due to selfish reasons. and sometimes, friends and relatives can oppose the idea of such a move for equally as selfish reasons.

humans are inherently selfish. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

what the OP is trying to do here, is to enjoy their selfish ambition without perceiving any negative effect caused by it. a double whammy of self-satisfaction.

to me, this is a simple decision: honesty is the best policy. if parents (or anyone else) have been good enough to you in your life, that their emotional state can affect how you live it, then clearly they deserve to know.

you could tell them flat out and trust them to comprehend what is about to happen. you could trickle feed them the news and hope they don't feel condescended. or you could lie and sugar coat it, and leave them feeling betrayed.....

i would merely suggest that the sooner you bite the bullet, the longer you have to talk them through the 'aftermathe'. you never know, they might be glad for your new beginnings / to see the back of you!

Howefamily

Your MIL sounds just like mine, mine hasnt spoken to us for 3.5 years as hubby missed her birthday when I broke my ankles. Shes a spiteful piece of work anyway, so not missing her

Howefamily

We will tell them soon, just need to pick my moment I think.

cheeky_monkey

you cant be that close to your father if you dont know how old he is..so what is the problem?

Oink

As long as it's all for the children you can't go wrong. Think of the wonderful opportunities for them in Nova Scotia.

el_richo

One of our close friends was born and bred in NS. He had great opportunities. After studying at university in Montreal, he has recently received his 'indefinite leave to remain' in the UK after living and working in London, UK, for the past few years.

Howefamily

oh dear, something more useful / helpful not spring to your mind?

Howefamily

Its for all of us

cheeky_monkey

ill put into context my father is 77 six weeks before i left he had a massive stroke followed by three major brain operations..we were never extremely close and even though he wasnt in good health i had no qualms about leaving..im a grown man with my own family..i told him the week before i left..and for once he said you should always do what is best for you and your family becuase they are your life.

Howefamily

We are of course, all different. We have different relationships and history in families, what works for you may not work for me. Good for you that you had no qualms. I want this, but am not in the habit of hurting others, hence the difficulty in breaking this news when they are already having a hard time. That is the main, and only point to this thread. Knowing whether my dad is 69 or 70 is neither here nor there (as per your earlier comment)

DandNHill

I support you there. I know both my parents dates of birth, ages etc but there are lots of people who don't, so don't beat yourself up about that.

It's never going to be easy whether it's leaving elderly family members or friends. We have recently become close to the parents of our youngest son's friend and it will be really sad to say goodbye to them too, although we haven't known them for very long.
But ultimately we're doing this for us - all 6 of us () and won't loose that focus even when thinking about family and friends we will be leaving behind.

Besides in my mind NS is hardly any further than Greece so what's the problem?