How do you handle it?
 

I'm new to the site so forgive me if I've posted this in the wrong area.

I'm 21 and recently engaged to an awesome Albertan guy. The idea is to get married right after I graduate, and move out there. I did a year abroad there last year and loved it from the second I touched down. I'm even lucky enough to already have friends there. My issue is the family I have here.

How did you handle leaving your family behind? My family is stupidly close and my parents are older parents, (Mum 62, Dad 72) and always seem to be falling or getting ill. My older sister's have just starting marrying and having babies and I've realised I'm just not going to be here for most of it. Did it just get easier over time? Did you become less close? Did they resent you for moving away? Mine are already getting snippy about it.

I know this is what I want to do, I'm not second guessing it by any means. I guess wondering how you all coped and whether this part of emigrating is going to suck as much as I fear it will?

Re: How do you handle it?
 

No, it will suck a lot, lot more.


Welcome to the forum btw.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Many people struggle with leaving their family to varying degrees, i dont think there would be a member on here that doesnt have that issue, and many will say, its your life, you should do what you want with it. I found it a little easier when i moved as my parents passed away young, shortly after my sister moved out and got married, so it didnt feel like i belonged to a family anymore.

However from what you have said, I have to say your in a very tough situation, and if im honest i cant see and easy solution. If you are "stupidly" close with your family breaking that tie is very tough.....even more so for them, added to that you said you said your parents have health issues too, this further complicates things, and then on top of that they arent really offering their blessing either...

I dont want to dishearten you, normally id say go for it, but i think your situation is very tough with regards to your parents.

So you obviously want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, what is his family situation like? just wondering if for the early part of your marriage he could go and live in the UK with you, and then when circumstances change consider a move out to Alberta then.

No matter which way you look at it,, there are always sacrafices that have to be made, some you can live with others you cant and thats why it maybe best not to make the decision right now, but delay it, that seems to be a compromise to a tough situation?

Paul

Re: How do you handle it?
 

His family situation is great, he has a huge family (7 siblings and countless cousins) and they are very family oriented. I spent a lot of time with them last year and they just seem like genuinely wonderful people. They couldn't be more excited for us and sent me a wonderful letter welcoming me to the family. Which is definitely reassuring.

Delaying is definitely something I was thinking about, just to spend more time with them but he could never realistically live here, he has a great job that he just can't afford to leave. And I'm not sure it would be any easier 2 or 3 years down the road.

Once settled, if any of my sisters wanted to emigrate also, would it be any easier for them? Not that I expect my entire family to up move for me. Just a thought.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

This is all a good thing, you'll be married & start your own life

Way back when in the dark ages when folks came to Canada by ship (we came by plane), me & my OH arrived in the middle of April (bloody freezing cold it was) with little to nothing in the way of money or belongings, no friends or family, no job, no accommodations & yes, it was tough adjustment in the beginning.

We did not had internet, mobile phones, skype, and long distance phone calls were rediculous cost... so you get the idea, as have many that have come here time over time leaving family behind in the UK or wherever they came from.

Did we chuck in the towel & go 'back home' - well, apparently not, as we have been out of the UK for 48 years & since have been immigrants to a few other countries during this time.

Like many that have travelled the same road, there are no mistakes, nor does it suck, especially when you get on with it. Some struggle to find work and/or settle in, others have it all & settle in well. There is 'no one for all situation'.

If you're a person that keeps on thinking & wondering about the folks 'back home' or comparing Canada this that & the other, then you will struggle.

Your family can come visit & you can go also visit them.

Get here, get a job, knuckle down & you will be 100% good to go. Five years after you get here you will become a Canadian citizen :nod:
.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Oh come on, people on this forum certainly don't do that :thumbsup::thumbsup:

Re: How do you handle it?
 

You're 21, can't you try and meet someone nice that doesn't live thousands of miles away?

Re: How do you handle it?
 

I like that attitude! And oh god, there we go again, Millennial's completely forgetting that people managed it before us without the major technological advantages we have now, thanks for the gratitude check. :)

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Wouldn't that be a thousand times easier?! :lol: But this boy kind of has my heart. :) Awww, the sappiness.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

It would be easier for them in the sense that you would be near by. Assuming they moved to the same place.

Otherwise it's the same tooth pulling processes as everybody else.

Have you looked into your visa situation yet?

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Yes, the plan is to marry in Canada next Autumn, stay for the 6 months while my then husband applies outland to sponsor me, extend my stay and then just wait it out. Neither of us have criminal convictions and we both have funds to prove we can support ourselves. So... :fingerscrossed:

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Do you live with your parents? How about your sisters? Is one or more of you already doing 'most' for them?

My three brothers all started their own families so that left me as the logical choice to do most with/for my mum - although she's been very independent anyway.

She had a hip operation back in the 90s and it was me who took the week off work after she was discharged and I moved back in for two weeks while she recovered. (I also visited her daily in hospital even though I was the only one without transport to get there)

But now the boot is on the other foot.

She's just had the replacement hip replaced :ohmy: and I'm over here while the other three, partners and grandchildren are over there and it's for them to take responsibility now.

I don't mean to make it sound like a competition and it's perhaps a bit different to your situation. I just mention it to show you needn't feel guilty.

Plus it's not as if you're leaving your parents alone.

If your sisters are getting snippy, that will likely just be temporary. They'll probably enjoy telling the kids about their aunt in Canada.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

I definitely do the most out of us four, but to be fair it makes the most sense, they're older and either married and having kids or engaged and working and I'm just the young lowly student. So I come back home quite often (Uni is only 45 mins away) to keep them company and help out (father had cataracts surgery and mother has zero social life) whereas my sisters will call and always get together if it's arranged but are always too busy to do anything else.

I hope they'll pick up the slack when I go like your brothers did! I guess they'll have to!

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Yep, that's exactly what I meant by not competition, just the logical thing. And when that changes something else becomes the logical thing and it should fall into place. :thumbup:

Re: How do you handle it?
 

You are 21, a lowly student & have funds?

What the heck, are you bringing riches to Canada, have you worked your way through uni or worked ever?

Could there be something about this 21 year old?

At 21, a University Grad & spent a year in Canada previously?

How did the folks back home manage without you for a year?

BTW, old age happens to everyone & some parents get sick & die before they reach state pension age... just saying

Life goes on

.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Not sure where your parents are located, but even if you were to live in the UK there is no guarantee that you will end up in the same place as your parents. You could find yourself at the opposite end of the country and visiting them would take you just as long, or maybe even longer, as flying from Canada.

But, as mentioned in the sacrifices thread, things will be very different and there will be times when you can't just go home. It's certainly easier to keep in touch with Skype, etc. and I've noticed that people often make more effort because they are aware of the distance. Also you may find that whilst you spend less time with family, the time you do spend together is more focused and quality.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

So many questions! I got left some money by my Nan when she died which I have saved (unlike my sisters!) along with the money I've earned working throughout university. By 'lowly student' I meant my time was not seen as important as my sisters as they were working full time and/or pregnant so I was more able to be the one to help my parents.
I went to Canada for a year as part of my degree and it's where I met my fiancé. I came home at Christmas and then of course at summer when my student visa ended. My sisters didn't mind pitching in, it was only temporary, now we're talking the rest of our lives! I graduate this June.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

TheBritishGirl @post#18

You will do well in Canada - I just know it

All the best to you & good luck

Re: How do you handle it?
 

It's not really that big of a problem nowadays with Skype etc.

The only thing that is slightly annoying is the time difference.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

It won't be easy, no. But do it if you wanna do it, see and worst case you can always come back. Better than regretting of 'what if..?'

Make sure you teach your parents to skype email etc before you go :)

If you will be married and soon having your own family, I suppose will feel different too.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Marrying at 21? How long have you known the guy? Obviously it speeds immigration, but, that's pretty young these days. If you're that committed, then he spending some time in the UK does not seem that onerous. And what's with the 'welcome letter' ? sounds a bit creepy IMO. Obviously, being 21, you're keen to start your life and ready for adventure, but if your parents are frail and against your move, it's going to be very tough. There is no "right answer" but definitely give things more thought.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

My only daughter and her husband emigrated to Canada some 7 years ago.
We were shocked but did whatever we could to make sure her move was as stress free as possible. We took the view that whatever she did was her concern and we had no right to influence her decision one way or the other.
Her arrival in canada with her husband was not smooth but she now has two children and all are canadian citizens and are well integrated.
I reasoned that it was our choice to have a child in the first place and she owes us nothing having given us so much already.
However, she applied to sponsor us and we arrived less than two years ago, initially on a supervisa, but now have PR. In the interim 5 years we visited her regularly.
It is my opinion that your life is your own and that although you may feel family responsibilities, you cannot live other peoples lives for them and decisions you take should not be influenced by those you will leave behind.
As an elderly couple we expected no less of our daughter.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Are you planning on moving to Alberta?

Why doesn't he move to the UK with you instead?

Alberta is not the place to come to right now, or for a good few years yet

Re: How do you handle it?
 

really? why?

We are planning to move to Edmonton in 2 years

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Oil

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Hi, I think you should go for it. If nothing else, it will be character building!

Since I've moved, my Dad and I probably talk much more in fact. I use an account called Rebtel and ring him from my cell phone to his landline for 1c a minute or there abouts. He brought me up to be independent and live my life and knows he can't really complain that i'm doing that as he considers that i'm mostly doing this successfully. He loves the dimension that us being in Canada has given his life, with his trips here, etc.

You can't live your life for other people and they shouldn't expect you to.

Good luck!

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Hey, definately give it a shot out in Canada, if it doesnt work out you can always try living in the Uk.
We are lucky that we have skype and social media to keep in touch with friends and family.
I moved to Canada almost 3 years ago, and i love it here. I do miss my parents and family, last time i seen them was May 2014 when they traveled out for my wedding.

They miss me but they know I have a better life out here :)

Re: How do you handle it?
 

I married at 22, a year after finishing Uni. Much younger than average these days, but being young doesn't mean it won't work out :)

All the issues with family that you are describing are the 'curse of the expat'. Almost every expat I know has some degree of guilt at leaving family and friends behind. But I've also met people who have returned 'home' for this reason, only a couple of years after emmigrating, only to regret it years later. Whilst in an ideal world, we all feel a duty of care towards ageing parents, you can't forget to live your own life or put it on hold indefinitely. All you can do is work to keep that connection going as best you can and maintain those family bonds. Some families do this very well - others sadly not. That's life.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

We all chase a dream, but often we must realise accepting reality is the better path.

A Canadian acquaintance who wants to move to Europe for a "better" lifestyle for him and his family asked me what i loved about Canada that you can't get in the UK. Other than access to mountains and related activities, i couldn't think of a single thing. He then asked me, is it worth leaving your longtime friends and close family for that?

I told him it may be different if you're moving from a not so nice area to a nicer environment, but he countered with "surely you can do that within the UK anyway and not lose touch with those who matter in your life".

Genuine questions and i didn't have many answers.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Agreed. I keep in touch with various apps like Skype, Facebook, Viber etc.

More annoying in Alberta than on the east coast.

It's hard to be away when people get sick. Missing weddings, births, funerals etc is also tough.

It's even tougher (and more expensive) if you have kids yourself and need to visit the UK. Kids also mean that your vacation time is restricted due to school.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Yes its tough, leaving my family (not to mention friends) behind was a MASSIVE decision for me. But I absolutely love it here, and my own little family is really benefiting from the lifestyle. What my kids are missing out on not being close to their cousins etc they gain in the space and fresh air.

But, I've only been here a few months so time will tell, right now facetime, skype etc definitely makes it easier.

Good luck! Its a hard choice to make but you only have one life. Go with your heart : )

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Mono....are you near this place?

http://vacay1.vacayca.netdna-cdn.com...cliffs-inn.jpg

Re: How do you handle it?
 

yep!

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Great place. I remember going there in 1992 on my 2nd or 3rd date with my now wife after skiing in Collingwood. Great food and a fun crowd. Back then it was owned by a real character from Australia. On the ground floor it was a high(ish) end restaurant and downstairs was a cozy pub. Is the setup still the same?

Re: How do you handle it?
 

He's from Brighton; the only person I've ever met who pretended to be an Australian. Perhaps he's a Pakistani now.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

small world : )

Only actually been in once, we live on the other side of Highway 10 to Mono Central and having no family here means no babysitting service!
But yes we had a nice meal in the upstairs and I believe there's a bar downstairs, although have heard rumours its a 'members only' type situation.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

this is another rumour that i've heard ; )

Re: How do you handle it?
 

Just a bit cliquey.

Re: How do you handle it?
 

When I went it was noisy and the place downstairs was called Peter's Cellar or something like that. Why if you were from Brighton would you pretend to be Australian.?

The lady behind the bar serving drinks had a striking resemblance to Juliette Binoche which was rather distracting. :thumbsup:

I hadn't heard that it had become a members club. The website doesn't seem to indicate that.