Stinkypup

Great post and mirrors my thoughts weirdly very closely- probably applies a reasonable number of expats - life is eased considerably by Skype I feel

Clairina

Thanks to the people who understood, empathized, or offered suggestions, and the kind comments. It was good to read the different viewpoints. Skype and Whatsapp do make a huge difference.

I'm not crying every night and I can cope living here (!), I just wondered if other people had similar situations. I originally moved here for 3 months - a year, and then I liked it so much that I stayed out here and I am now planning to stay here long-term, which is why this feeling came up.

I appreciated all the people who took the time to write a helpful and/or supportive reply - thank you

not2old

Since I took the 'hard line' to your OP, there is 'no guilt here' - for the reason, that when I came to Canada in the dark ages, I did so because I wanted to be here, never gave it a second thought about leaving Blighty or the relies behind.

Reflecting back, I suppose it was tears of sadness & hurt from the family in the UK that I left behind (what they told me years later), my elder sister never forgave me, my widowed Mother (at the time that I left) never ever once during the time up to her death gave me the 'guilt trip'.

Its been nearly 50 years now, I have gone through their notifications (mostly air mail correspondence) of all their events - births, marriages, sickness, divorces, trauma, job losses, sad events & happiness, which I was never there for [boots on the ground] to share, the exception being my Mothers funeral.

All of it without internet, social media, skype, cell phones...best I can do is make a landline phone call, they never called me

My wife & I have made joint 'vacation' trips to the UK over the years, they in return [the whole lot of them combined] have made a total of six visits here, even though they were welcome any time.

It was even suggested at times that my wife & I 'should pay their tickets if we wanted to see them'

Now, with parents long gone, a sister & brother both widowed, each who are much older than I am, both very sick to the point - I'd give them a couple years tops. The nieces & nephews don't bother with us, we send Birthday & Christmas cards - get none in return

Its kind of sad isn't it that having made the move to leave the UK, some folks like me couldn't give a hoot, empathize or go on about 'all that is back home'

OP, I think I have empathized & seen enough in my life that I generally take the hard line or an opposite point of view.

Resources permitting, have you considered a long weekend flight 'back home' - leave Canada on a Friday, fly back from the UK on Monday?

.

Pulaski

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

I got a hard time from my sister (my only sibling) when I moved to the US, about "abandoning our parents" (she was living in the UK). ..... Less than two years later, she upped and moved to France, for seven years, and then to the US!

So in my experience family members may be applying a double standard, criticizing or harassing you for something that, when the circumstances are right, they would do themselves.

uk_grenada

When i hear about how things back home are going from bad to worse, or how a relative is having problems, i go to the beach, sit down with a cocktail, and facetime them with as much non financial help and advice as i can provide.

After a lifetime working in the cold, paying for and growing my family, and saving for my retirement i'm not about to worry unduly.

Then i feel guilty, for several seconds.

There are of course a few things i might fly home for, not just death, but so far, touch wood...

Feed

I guess Problem comes down to most of us Can't afford to Fly Back whenever we want to and struggle to do it once a Year or even Once every Two Years.
I wish I could justify the Cost just to Fly back for the Weekend for Instance for Family Members Birthday.

Celebrities seem to be everywhere all the time in the UK 3/4 Plus times a Year. I don't want there money but there Freedom.

BristolUK

No matter how many times I see the thread title I still read it as how we deal with quilt.

Pulaski

Me too. It's because the underlining of the title in the thread list covers over the loop of the g's tail. .... deal with guilt

bats

Did you do anything wrong? If not there's no need to feel guilty.

Your mum is wrong to try and make you feel bad about being here but as long as you react how she wants you to she'll keep on doing it. There's a difference between missing people, we pretty much all do that, and feeling guilty for being away from them. As others have posted here relationships can become stronger. I see my mum for about 4 weeks a year, almost full time and comparing that to a short visit every couple of weeks we now spend more time together than we did before.

Just tell your mum you miss her but your life is here now, get her to visit. Don't worry about stuff you can't change

cheradenine

Hi there Don't live in Canada but I am dealing with a much milder situation.My oldest brother and his fiancée had their first kid a few months ago, a really cute little boy. I really wish I was there in the uk when he arrived but I guess I will just have to make do with photos and facetime/Skype.
My mum has also made it pretty clear she wants me to come home. Her guilt trip hasn't really worked on me though as my mum tends to be a bit negative anyway so whatever she says tends to go over my head. when my older brother moved out some years back she was reeling off all these what if's, as though he would be dead or out on his arse within a week without his mum there to look after him.'what you gunna do?'where you gunna go?''how you gunna afford it?'
I understand mothers worry but dear god he only moved a few streets away!
Anyhow, I basically told my mum that I would rather be the uncle to my nephew, that went out into the world and did something with his life.I didn't just aim low and stayed in my dead end job in the tiny village I grew up in. Basically I just want to make my family proud and give my nephew someone to look up too.

Souvy

In my family, you'd probably feel guilty or at least a freak if you didn't push off somewhere else.

Grandfather: emigrated to Canada before WWI. Returned to Scotland after the war.
Me: lived in France for two years, been in Canada for 15 years and married to a Canadian.
Nephew: Lived all over the place, now married to a German and soon to move to Germany.
Niece 1: lived in NZ for several years but now back in UK, married to a Kiwi.
Niece 2: has been living in Melbourne for several years, seriously shacked-up with an Aussie.
Niece 3: pending.

We're all at it!

BristolUK

One of my brothers moved to Swansea for a bit.

Pulaski

A rarebit?

BristolUK

That may not have been the way he described her but he did move city for her.

Pulaski

Sounds cheesy.