Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

I know what you mean Linda. I have been fine and was really up beat and looking forward to seeing them, right up until I saw their plane touch down on the runway. Then this huge wave of emotion just hit me. Now I've been a wreck on and off ever since. Better now we are home and I know they are having a nice time.
The wine sounds like a fab idea, but not sure if i'll get chance now before my folks get here. Rain check definately though............I'll PM you tomorrow.

Sorry to make you cry by the way.................us females heh !!!
Deb x

Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

I so relate to you on this one. Ever since we moved here my only reasons for wanting to move back have been education and family. The education reason has faded somewhat but the family one hasn't at all.

It was all brought to the forefront again 2 weeks ago when my dad was rushed into Intensive Care with pneumonia. I jumped onto a plane within 3 hours but it was still 24 hours later before I was with him (flight time, driving time, time difference). He has pulled through and is back home but it brought it home to me that I'm still a long way away.

And as you say it is now my sister who sees them every week rather than me and my children they are only seeing once or twice a year rather than once a week like before.

But at the same time we do have a great 'lifestlye' here ( not that we had a bad one in UK just different) but the longer we are here the harder I think it will be to move back just because of family or schools.

As someone else said enjoy the time they are here, it is a double-edged sword, but you are obviously happy with your new life and it will be hard when they leave but remind yourself of all the positives and even if only vaguely plan the next trip to see them. I find it really helps to have the next trip lined up, however far away or however short a trip. It is all the more intense because you haven't seen them in 12 months and don't know when you'll next see them but that doesn't make it bad, just more intense :(

Enjoy the time they're here and be prepared for tears at the airport but focus on the great time you've all had.

Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

Oh it's definitely hard. I can totally relate! I haven't even emigrated yet, but have been here a year and a half. I feel terribly guilty about leaving my parents. However, my wanting to live in Canada has encouraged my parents to move to Oz where my sister lives. They have been there six months now and are actually so much happier than they were in England.

I keep thinking maybe I should move to Oz instead so we can all be together. I especially feel bad because my brother died (12 years ago now) so I feel it's extra hard on them to have their daughter live in another country.

I've talked to them a lot and told them how guilty and selfish I feel. They just tell me time and time again how great it is to hear how happy I am here and that is what makes them happy. They know I'm not keen on Sydney and they tell me how mad they'd be if I moved there!

I'd say talk it through with your family but also give it some more time. Get Skype, Msn Messenger etc. so you can keep in touch all the time. See how it goes, but if you find you feel so guilty you can't be happy then maybe you'll have to rethink it. Definitely give it some time though for everyone to get used to things. It might not be as bad as you think! :) And your parents will have a great excuse to go on holidays to visit you every year. ;)

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Hi,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think I was actually the other way around - it was easier when my family left after the first visit (about 6 months after we arrived) than when we originally left the UK. I'm sure this is because immigration was built up in our heads to be such a big deal, that when you first set off it seems like 'forever'. But after the rellies had been over to stay we saw them off on the plane without too much trouble, not that much different to when we lived two hours drive away in the UK.

One thing I will say though, is that I bawled when they first arrived over here at the airport, so maybe the beginning of the holiday is the difficult bit emotionally? I hope you find like we did that you get used to them over the time they are here, and it may not be so bad when they set off.

I think a lot of this depends on how close or how much time you spent with your family before you left.

Hope you have a great time with them while they are here. :beer:

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Hi everyone,

Wow. Some great posts here and so much food for thought, as if we didn't have enough to contend with already!

We're flying out in August and we're dreading the final goodbye, especially as our son, almost 4, has such a striong bond with the grandparents. It's going to be horrific. But life has to move forward and there will be visits, there will be hard times, there will be emotional trauma - it's not pleasant, but ever present. The web cam idea and/or SKYPE is a good one - it'll make things that little bit more bearable.

As for the visits in the future, the cost will be a determining factor in how often it can be achieved to the UK, but in the other direction, it'll mean lengthy holidays and welcome (as opposed to unannounced) visits. Time will tell how traumatic it really will be. No amount of preparation can actually help, I guess, but it's good to know that just about everyone on this forum has been through it - we are not alone!

Sid :eek:

Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

has such a striong

that should be strong!!!! :o

Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

Hi back again everyone

Thanks for all the feedback. When we left the UK 12 months ago, we said all our goodbyes over a couple of days prior to departing, as I insisted I didn't want people to come to the airport to see us off. Figured I would get too upset.................so maybe doing that somehow delayed my emotions until this time. All I know is that, when I saw them this time, the emotion was intense.

The 'human' side of doing this was always going to be the most difficult, and when your parents have health issues too, makes it even more worrying.

I worried about everything (but thats my nature).......Would Mum cope with the flight, what if she had a funny turn onboard, would it tire her out too much, how would my Dad cope with driving over here as he's getting on a bit and has never driven an automatic before...................You see............major worrier.!

But, they are here, my 5 yr old is thrilled to see them and they are staying for his 6th birthday, so we should all have a wonderful time.

Thanks for the reassurances folks! Is does help to realise I'm not alone feeling all this. :D
Hopefully the goodbyes again won't be as bad as the reunion. :)

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The first visit and subsequent goodbye is the worse, but over time it does get easier.

When it comes time to say goodbye make it short and sweet. Hanging around the airport only makes it harder for all concerned. Over the past 9 years we've worked out a long goodbye was very painful so we now take family to airport, wait for them to check in, then hug and say goodbye.

When you get back home the house will seem so quiet and empty without them and you will miss them all over again. The best way to get through this is to get back into your normal routine as quickly as possible, keep yourself and the kids busy and within the week you will feel much better.

Above all else remember why you choose to move to Canada in the first place.

What you are feeling is completely natural, try not to fight it and go with the flow.

Sue

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You do get used to it. I've lived in the UK for 12 years and after the first miserable homesick year I developed a sort of iron curtain that kept my thoughts of family, home,Canada at bay. I got very good at shutting the curtain the minute my mum or dad or friends left after a visit here. My mum died 3 years ago now and I miss her terribly but that iron curtain still comes in handy dealing with that. We're moving back to Canada this summer and I keep thinking she's going to be there. 12 years of holding back the tears may hit me yet.

Chin up. Phone them more often - it's only money. That's what I do with my Dad. I do feel for you.

J

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Got the kiddies off to school today and rush back home to ring mum & dad, I kept waking during the night needing to speak with them.

I feel a little better now, although my dad told me he had a photo of us and the kids and he couldn't wait to see us (they don't know we will be there in June, it's a big surprise :D ).


R2D2, I also wouldn't have anyone see us off at the airport. When mum & dad went back last July we were able to take them right through to the gate as we had them in wheel chairs to save their legs, it was great, no sooner had we got there, the stewardess came and took them on board!!! We didn't have chance for any lingering goodbyes, I couldn't bring myself to watch the take off, I had to leave.

Take lots of photos, show them all the wonderful things we have here, there's a Rodeo in St Albert this weekend!!! like previously said they'll be so glad you have a great life here!!!

Stay off too much wine, if your anything like me, it makes me sentimental !!!!! :D

Linda

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Hi there R2D2,
I totally understand how you are feeling, it is horrible when it suddenly hits you like a sledge hammer! I was fine for the first 4 months that we lived in Canada, then one night in the middle of the night it hit me!! It was awful! My parents used to come each year and stay with us for at least 12 weeks each time making it even harder when they went home as we had all got into a routine living together etc. It was very hard seeing them leave and for a day or two it was difficult afterwards, but I agree with Sue, keep yourself busy and it will ease with time.
I am lucky that my parents followed us out here 8 years after we moved here, but I still have brothers in England and of course all by husbands family too.
My brother visits every two or three years and I am still a total basket case they day he leaves, but after 16 years of living here I do find it easier than it used to be.
I also found it hard when my daughters would go to playschool or school and they would be having "Grandparents Day" when the children could take their grandparents with them, talk about guilt trip then!!!!! Everyone would say to my daughter, "where are your grandparents"? She would have to tell them that they didn't live here, she was often the only one who had no grandparents and that made me feel terrible.
You will get through it, it isn't easy but it does get easier in time, for some it doesn't take too long, for others it is longer, but it is natural, so don't beat yourself up for feeling like that.
Take care, keep smiling :)

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We are having similar issues at the moment. We sold our house much faster and for a better price than we anticipated. We had our research trip booked for July, but now we are going to move out to Calgary permanently instead of coming back to the Uk.

We told the parents last week and the stress is getting to me!

They say they didn't think we'd actually go, and it's happened too fast (only 4 years since we applied!) They have told friends and relatives who live in canada that we are not really going to move and they've cancelled their 70th birthday party in September (it's been arranged for a year) because as Mum put it, they don't want a party without the whole family! (I have 2 sisters with their own families and relatives were coming from all over the country)

I even had one of my sisters on the phone this evening being very aggressive and asking why I had to upset everyone like this! They are coming up with all sorts of problems about why we shouldn't go, even down to the fact that as we have to sell our car, how can we get to the airport! (the least of my worries) I have to add the fact that we haven't seen my parents for five months, and my sisters for 18 months, and they all live in the Uk!

I understand that my parents, especially Mum will miss us, but have anyone else's relatives reacted like this? I would be interested to hear how you coped with it.

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I tottally know where you are comming from, My mum moved to Ireland when i was 16 and my grandma to Spain then derbyshire when i was around 7, the hurt and anguish of goodbyes has been with me for many years and for me the goodbyes never get any easier but you do learn to cope with them a little better, when i said goodbye to my Mum in Ireland I cried all the way to Gatwick from Cork and then cried again when i threw my arms around m Dad, I then cried going home all the way to Greenland LOL, its bloody hard saying goodbye, but one thing ive learnt is to not let it get in the way of while they are here or you are there, I used to spend my whole trip worrying about saying goodbye and then i realised it was ruining the trip. Just try not to think about it, it hurts for a good week after they have gone but keep busy and the feeling does go away, ive been back a week now from a visit home and im starting to feel normal again, ive stopped looking at homes to rent in derby and for jobs for me and hubby, and im gettin over the mini deaths as i call my goodbyes,
Chin up and enjoy the time you have.

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mini deaths are so much better in French.

Re: How do I deal with this.............?
 

quoi?