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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by iaink
(Post 8093924)
Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion.
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 8093958)
A divorce and a convertible is a major achievement in Ontario.
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 8093958)
A divorce and a convertible is a major achievement in Ontario. Not that possessions matter to me.
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by iaink
(Post 8093924)
How are they judging anyone? They are simply commenting on their own circumstances.
Its not like there have not been many people over the years that have posted to the effect that "Canada is great, because I can sell my house in Surrey for a small fortune and live like a king here thanks to the capital that releases", Plenty of (for the sake of argument) men decide at some point "to hell with the wife and kids and being responsible, I want a divorce and a convertible". They seem happy enough. I think you might be projecting rather too much onto what other people have said, but thats just my opinion. |
Re: homesickness
I like personal possesions. I like to be miserable in comfort as it makes it so much more enjoyable.
Back on the OPs post. You can never go back to anything in life, you moved on and so did whatever you left behind. I have a recurring dream where I am stuck in narrow windy tunnels You can't go back because the tunnel has closed behind you. You can't see what's ahead and the gap may be to narrow to squeeze through but there's no choice but to try. When I have this dream I wake up terrified, I'm slightly claustrophobic, but it focused the mind on what needs to be done. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8091591)
My husband and 2 children and dogs emigrated to Ontario in June 2005. We holidayed here in 2003 and liked it, my husband especially did, he's into hunting and snowmobiling.
They all love it here, but I really miss my Mum who's almost 70. We've got our dual citizenship but Mum's husband is very ill and it doesn't look like he will pass his sponsorship to here. I also miss the beautiful British countryside, trees, hedgerows, different architecture and accents within a short drive. I find that Ontario is basically the same terrain wherever you go until you get to a huge city that's over-built up. It goes from one extreme to the other, without that English quaintness. I loved walking anywhere in the UK and not having to rely on a car to get me to Walmart here or Michael's there to buy different products, that's so weird. My father died a few weeks before we emigrated and at his funeral I was phoned by our immigration agent that we have finally, after 23 months of waiting, been accepted into Ontario. I dropped my cell phone, and my husband took over the call. It was such an emotional day as you can imagine! and perhaps that goes some way to how I am feeling. I am a housewife and do some fostering have a few friends but it's not the same. Anyone else feel this way and any suggestions. We haven't been back to the UK yet, so I may be seeing things through rose coloured glasses So sorry that you are having such a difficult time settling in Canada. We are not in Canada yet but should be landing in NS in early 2010. We had been thinking of emigrating for several years then in late 2004 we decided lets go for it...I gathered all the application forms began to fill them in we told all the parents our intentions they were all apprehensive but understood our reasons,then in December my dad died suddenly and my world fell apart,and we didn't apply. I can totally understand what you have been going through. It took nearly 2 years for me to get things back into perspective I didn't even want Canada mentioned as I couldn't bare the guilt I was feeling for my mum,you must have felt torn in so many directions as everything happened so suddenly. Nearly 5 years on we have our visa's and I am really looking forward to starting our new life.Although I know there will be ups and downs. I hope you are feeling better soon maybe a trip back to see your mum would help? Vicki:) |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by swoops
(Post 8094323)
Hi jan the piglet,
So sorry that you are having such a difficult time settling in Canada. We are not in Canada yet but should be landing in NS in early 2010. We had been thinking of emigrating for several years then in late 2004 we decided lets go for it...I gathered all the application forms began to fill them in we told all the parents our intentions they were all apprehensive but understood our reasons,then in December my dad died suddenly and my world fell apart,and we didn't apply. I can totally understand what you have been going through. It took nearly 2 years for me to get things back into perspective I didn't even want Canada mentioned as I couldn't bare the guilt I was feeling for my mum,you must have felt torn in so many directions as everything happened so suddenly. Nearly 5 years on we have our visa's and I am really looking forward to starting our new life.Although I know there will be ups and downs. I hope you are feeling better soon maybe a trip back to see your mum would help? Vicki:) Jan |
Re: homesickness
i think comments like, wallowing, self pity, trolling for sympathy etc would be pertinent if this was the 200th post in this vein by the o/p, its number 12, give her a break. its quite clear at the end of the post, suggestions and anyone else feeling this way, i don't see that as wallowing personally, rather someone looking to alter their personal situation with advice from others who have perhaps been through this and come out the other side.
i have been up and down since i have been here, and may well continue to do so. i have been back once, as has my wife separately. we both agreed on our return that we are better off here. does that mean i will stop missing the UK for various reasons, no of course not, it does not make me bitter or resentful either. you can't live for 30 odd years in one place then leave and not miss parts of it, no matter how bad your life there and good your life here. go back for a short visit. when you get back you will either appreciate your life here more, or the reason to leave will be more firm, then at least you can be sure in your decision. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by rae
(Post 8094420)
i think comments like, wallowing, self pity, trolling for sympathy etc would be pertinent if this was the 200th post in this vein by the o/p, its number 12, give her a break. its quite clear at the end of the post, suggestions and anyone else feeling this way, i don't see that as wallowing personally, rather someone looking to alter their personal situation with advice from others who have perhaps been through this and come out the other side.
i have been up and down since i have been here, and may well continue to do so. i have been back once, as has my wife separately. we both agreed on our return that we are better off here. does that mean i will stop missing the UK for various reasons, no of course not, it does not make me bitter or resentful either. you can't live for 30 odd years in one place then leave and not miss parts of it, no matter how bad your life there and good your life here. go back for a short visit. when you get back you will either appreciate your life here more, or the reason to leave will be more firm, then at least you can be sure in your decision. Jan |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8091591)
My husband and 2 children and dogs emigrated to Ontario in June 2005. We holidayed here in 2003 and liked it, my husband especially did, he's into hunting and snowmobiling.
They all love it here, but I really miss my Mum who's almost 70. We've got our dual citizenship but Mum's husband is very ill and it doesn't look like he will pass his sponsorship to here. I also miss the beautiful British countryside, trees, hedgerows, different architecture and accents within a short drive. I find that Ontario is basically the same terrain wherever you go until you get to a huge city that's over-built up. It goes from one extreme to the other, without that English quaintness. I loved walking anywhere in the UK and not having to rely on a car to get me to Walmart here or Michael's there to buy different products, that's so weird. My father died a few weeks before we emigrated and at his funeral I was phoned by our immigration agent that we have finally, after 23 months of waiting, been accepted into Ontario. I dropped my cell phone, and my husband took over the call. It was such an emotional day as you can imagine! and perhaps that goes some way to how I am feeling. I am a housewife and do some fostering have a few friends but it's not the same. Anyone else feel this way and any suggestions. We haven't been back to the UK yet, so I may be seeing things through rose coloured glasses :wub: |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Miss Clinque
(Post 8094782)
I felt a lot like you and I had only been here 5 months. I booked a trip home to see my family, my husband thought I wouldnt come back. After a few days in the UK I was desperate to get back. Dont get me wrong I love my country, but going back for me just sealed the deal as far as living in Canada was concerned. I moved here because my husband was made a very good offer and I felt I shouldnt hold him back, so you see I was here under suferance, going back for a visit for me was the right thing to do.
:wub: |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by iaink
(Post 8093519)
I think a trip back to the UK would be a good idea, you get to see your mum, get to assess what the UK is like, maybe talk things over with your old friends and get some firm idea of how you want to go on from there. You may feel worse afterwards, you may feel better, but at least you will know how you feel for sure.
Plus if your mums husband is in a bad way maybe the company and distraction will be good for her too. If you had only just got here I wouldnt say go for a visit, but after a few years sometimes its just what people need. like me, they miss coffee renoirs and local pubs and jaffa cakes |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8094942)
we have some english friends in kitchener 3 hr drive!!!
like me, they miss coffee renoirs and local pubs and jaffa cakes |
Re: homesickness
Hi Jan
I've grown up with emigration but to France and Australia. Everybody is different and nobody can judge you for questioning how you feel at the moment. My older (by 25 yrs) sister left England to live with her boyfriend who became her husband in Australia. That must have been in about 1960/62 Over the last 45+ years she has moved backwards and forwards between the UK and Australia never completely sure about where she wanted to be! I moved with my parents at the age of 9 to Algeria then on to France and came back to the UK when I was 22. I have always been torn between France and the UK. What I'm trying to say is that once you've spent a chunk of your life in a different country there will always be part of you who wants to go back. And when you get there the other country calls you! So you need to make the best of what you have as I could almost guarantee you that if you went back to the UK you would miss Canada! So good luck with whatever you decide to do... |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8094942)
we have some english friends in kitchener 3 hr drive!!!
like me, they miss coffee renoirs and local pubs and jaffa cakes |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Souvy
(Post 8096858)
I think the "local pub" thing wears off after a while. A pub where you're not a "local" is just a bar.
Of course, one should be careful about just how strange a stranger one is drinking with. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by dbd33
(Post 8096891)
I don't think that holds. The reason for meeting strangers in the Yard is that even after years of not drinking there regularly I still have a high chance of bumping into someone I know slightly. If stood up the evening is unlikely to be completely wasted.
Of course, one should be careful about just how strange a stranger one is drinking with. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by rae
(Post 8094420)
i think comments like, wallowing, self pity, trolling for sympathy etc would be pertinent if this was the 200th post in this vein by the o/p, its number 12, give her a break. its quite clear at the end of the post, suggestions and anyone else feeling this way, i don't see that as wallowing personally, rather someone looking to alter their personal situation with advice from others who have perhaps been through this and come out the other side.
i have been up and down since i have been here, and may well continue to do so. i have been back once, as has my wife separately. we both agreed on our return that we are better off here. does that mean i will stop missing the UK for various reasons, no of course not, it does not make me bitter or resentful either. you can't live for 30 odd years in one place then leave and not miss parts of it, no matter how bad your life there and good your life here. go back for a short visit. when you get back you will either appreciate your life here more, or the reason to leave will be more firm, then at least you can be sure in your decision. I do know deep down in my heart of hearts that Canada is a better country, less crime (one reason we came here was for our children's future) fresher air, better economy and usually a better attitude, but of course there will always be a craving for pretty hedgerows and dry stone walls, castles and seasides. I'm just a romantic at heart and my family love me for it. Thank you again for your input and time taken to answer my dilemma. Jan |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Miss Clinque
(Post 8094782)
I felt a lot like you and I had only been here 5 months. I booked a trip home to see my family, my husband thought I wouldnt come back. After a few days in the UK I was desperate to get back. Dont get me wrong I love my country, but going back for me just sealed the deal as far as living in Canada was concerned. I moved here because my husband was made a very good offer and I felt I shouldnt hold him back, so you see I was here under suferance, going back for a visit for me was the right thing to do.
:wub: I tend to lead with my heart not my head and I married a fantastic man who has a good head on his shoulders and I know he's right in saying that Canada is the better of the two countries. Every now and again we both do a "tick list" and we both agree on the same points and the reasons why we emigrated. I just feel like not seeing my Mum every few days is like a bereavement. Like many other people on here have said, going back could confirm to me on way or the other which really is "home" for me. I have heard a few horror stories of people like me not settling, returning to the UK only to re-return to Canada, with so much less equity, kids schooling screwed up etc. There's a great deal to think about, thank you, Jan |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Souvy
(Post 8096858)
I think the "local pub" thing wears off after a while. A pub where you're not a "local" is just a bar. I rarely go into them these days, even when I'm in the UK.
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Re: homesickness
The last time I was home, half the pubs I knew were gone, the old local had been turned into flats. I also found during the week that the local pubs were depressing. Never saw more than 4 or 5 people. I think we tend to over glamorize the importance of little things, be it the pub, eastenders or jaffa cakes. Nostalgia fades fast. What never completely passes is your connection to people. You learn to live with it but it's always there. I find now that at times, I miss family more than i did when I was younger.
To the OP, get home for xmas - it does sound like you are still grieving and perhaps are even experiencing some guilt (which is normal and quite understandable). It may help to talk to someone. You have a lot going on, new life over here, old life over there and someone who was a huge part of your life passing away. Hope all goes well. Keep your chin up love. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Elaine B.
(Post 8093249)
I was one of those people it seemed like a good idea after a few too many beers;)
I suggested we move to Canada one night while rather drunk and my husband took me up on it :rofl: We have been here 3 1/2 years now, and haven't been back to the UK yet (not really got much to go back for tbh). I do hope the OP sorts something out soon and manages to work out what is the best thing to do. In her position, I think I would go for an extended visit back to the UK - if nothing else, that will let her see her mum and may help her remember what ever it was that made her decide to leave the UK in the first place. Homesickness is hard. |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Chookie
(Post 8097286)
Oh my God, you are me! We decided to apply on a whim as well - and like you, ours was beer related...
I suggested we move to Canada one night while rather drunk and my husband took me up on it :rofl: |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Elaine B.
(Post 8097305)
Glad I'm not the only one to make decisions with the aid of beer:thumbup:
children: she only slid that chestnut by me after several boddingtons. |
Re: homesickness
Hi Jan,
Some people are more sensitive than others so some replies might sound harsh as if they don't understand. I think I replied to a homesickness thread when I first joined this forum. I came over almost 20 years ago. I am 44 now. I felt ill at first because of that homesick feeling. I have been torn ever since about being away from my family who are all back in England. My mum died almost two years ago and it was just awful. I understand your feelings about your mum completely. I've read some of the replies but not all so forgive me if I ask you things that you have alreay explained. Does your mum have other children there with her or are you the only one? Do you have lots of family that live near her? It comforted me to tell myself that my mum had my two sisters and my stepfather there who loved her. She missed me terribly but it is very cheap to call the UK from Canada. I convinced my family back in England to buy webcams for their computers and we see each other often via them. We can talk for free on the computer also. This all helps. Christmas time has always been the hardest for me. I just find it is not the same here but I dont' have children so have never made my own traditions really. One thing I am looking forward to this year is the fact I have a program on my computer that allows me to watch live TV from the UK so I am looking forward to all the silly British comedies etc. I go home about once every two years and enjoy it but like to return to my home in Canada. I find it very different back there now. I also miss the countryside etc. I think if I had the money I would buy a 2nd house in Cornwall and live there and miss the Canadian winters lol It really does get better with time. You have to give it time to settle and meet people who will add joy to your life. I believe things happen for a reason. I am convinced I am here to win the new MAX lottery lololol I live just down the highway from you in Bowmanville. I would love to meet up with a few people near me to start up a little circle of friends were we could do bonfire night, pancake day etc etc. Sometimes just posting on a message board to strangers helps just because you are letting your feelings out. Ignore the grumpy ones that don't get it. Good for them that they are not feeling this way. It does not mean you are feeling sorry for yourself. It just means you need to express yourself rather than keeping it bottled up. I used to send my mum cards each month with little handwritten letters in. She loved it and I felt great knowing I had made her feel happy and loved even though I was so far away. My two sisters came to see me a month ago and they brought them all back to me. My mum had saved them all and after she passed away my sisters collected them and brought them over. Oh yes, knowing where all the great shops are that sell British chocolate is good too :) I know them all if you want to know lol |
Re: homesickness
Hi Jan
I moved to Van last dec 2008 - full of the joys - or not as I already was worried on the plane - came for hubbys job and to give the kids a better opportunity - 10 and 14 - any way - I have not settled at all - feel totally disjointed -went back for a visit in Oct - worse thing to do - now an v depressed - hubb not happy with job - and now looking to return to Uk in April full time! heyho! |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by The4BellsLondon
(Post 8098050)
Hi Jan
I moved to Van last dec 2008 - full of the joys - or not as I already was worried on the plane - came for hubbys job and to give the kids a better opportunity - 10 and 14 - any way - I have not settled at all - feel totally disjointed -went back for a visit in Oct - worse thing to do - now an v depressed - hubb not happy with job - and now looking to return to Uk in April full time! heyho! |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by The4BellsLondon
(Post 8098050)
Hi Jan
I moved to Van last dec 2008 - full of the joys - or not as I already was worried on the plane - came for hubbys job and to give the kids a better opportunity - 10 and 14 - any way - I have not settled at all - feel totally disjointed -went back for a visit in Oct - worse thing to do - now an v depressed - hubb not happy with job - and now looking to return to Uk in April full time! heyho! |
Re: homesickness
Thanks amy & charlie :) xxx
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Re: homesickness
from me too Caz - at least you can say what you want and are doing something about it xxxxx
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by The4BellsLondon
(Post 8098050)
Hi Jan
I moved to Van last dec 2008 - full of the joys - or not as I already was worried on the plane - came for hubbys job and to give the kids a better opportunity - 10 and 14 - any way - I have not settled at all - feel totally disjointed -went back for a visit in Oct - worse thing to do - now an v depressed - hubb not happy with job - and now looking to return to Uk in April full time! heyho! |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by dboy
(Post 8097158)
The last time I was home, half the pubs I knew were gone, the old local had been turned into flats. I also found during the week that the local pubs were depressing. Never saw more than 4 or 5 people. I think we tend to over glamorize the importance of little things, be it the pub, eastenders or jaffa cakes. Nostalgia fades fast. What never completely passes is your connection to people. You learn to live with it but it's always there. I find now that at times, I miss family more than i did when I was younger.
To the OP, get home for xmas - it does sound like you are still grieving and perhaps are even experiencing some guilt (which is normal and quite understandable). It may help to talk to someone. You have a lot going on, new life over here, old life over there and someone who was a huge part of your life passing away. Hope all goes well. Keep your chin up love. I have spoken to many Canadians about this separation/emigration/grieving and they just don't get it. Is it because they haven't experienced such upheaval? or are Canadians really just shallow people who only say "have a nice day" without meaning it? |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by fledermaus
(Post 8093848)
Usually when someone posts on here saying they are unhappy and they live nearby I suggest we meet up. Usually this doesn't happen. However If you do want to meet then we could meet in that scabby city Peterborough, or maybe Lakefield?
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8098475)
thank you delboy!
I have spoken to many Canadians about this separation/emigration/grieving and they just don't get it. Is it because they haven't experienced such upheaval? or are Canadians really just shallow people who only say "have a nice day" without meaning it? |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by dboy
(Post 8098556)
I don't find Canadians shallow, at least not here on the west coast, I have some very close friends, closer than I had in the UK. Nobody will truly understand what essentially amounts to abandoning one life to take up another on the other side of the world unless they have experienced it and that goes for other Brits as well.
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Re: homesickness
I'm sorry to say this, BUT the longer this thread goes on the more convinced I become that JTP is either
a) Looking for sympathy b) Wallowing in self-pity c) a Low level Troll |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Butch Cassidy
(Post 8098617)
I'm sorry to say this, BUT the longer this thread goes on the more convinced I become that JTP is either
a) Looking for sympathy b) Wallowing in self-pity c) a Low level Troll |
Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by jan the piglet
(Post 8091748)
Fraggle, I hear that all the time, so perhaps a trip back could be the "fix" I need
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Re: homesickness
I went back one summer for two weeks and ended up staying for 4 and half months. Luckily, due to my students apathy and some helpful colleagues missing a month from work was barely noticed. :rofl:
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Re: homesickness
Originally Posted by Oink
(Post 8098639)
I went back one summer for two weeks and ended up staying for 4 and half months. Luckily, due to my students apathy and some helpful colleagues missing a month from work was barely noticed. :rofl:
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