Homesick 9yr old
 

We have been here 6mths and in the last 3-4 weeks our daughter has been really quiet and tearful a lot of the time. She's a little sensitive and quite shy normally, so we aren't completely stunned by this, but just feel quite helpless as to what to do about it :(

Everything has been going really well for her and until about a month ago she showed no signs of homesickness at all. She's involved in plenty of sports she enjoys, isn't finding school work difficult and has lots of friends, so in that respect things are similar to home.

We've tried upping the playdates and have spoiled her a little bit, but none of that has worked, she just seems pretty low. She says she likes living here but misses everything - house, pet, friends, even her old teacher who she didn't like!

We're still renting here and on the one hand I think buying a place and getting a family pet will probably help her, but I'm not sure I feel ready to make that commitment to being here just yet.

The school suggested she sees the school counsellor but I think that might make it more of an issue? Someone wave a magic wand please......

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

Go and throw her down a snowy mountain?

(in the nicest possible way of course!)

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

That's next on my list actually. Was skiing at Big White on Friday and am taking them out of school later this week for their first lessons - maybe that'll cure it all!

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

Unless the counsellor is British I doubt it'll have much of a positive impact as they won't be able to empathize.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

That's a bit harsh. A counsellor from most anywhere might be familiar with the circumstances, just not a cradle one.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

I'd imagine it's quite natural for a child to feel like that. They aren't exactly in control of their circumstances and have to live where you do.

It'll pass I expect, in time.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

I have to agree here, 6 months is not long, give it time and it will pass as they make friends. We often yearn for the familiarity of the past when we are uncertain about the present and future.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

Try the school counsellor - it's free and it may help. If it doesn't, you can always pull her out.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

I would imagine she has JUST realised, this new life is for real and is coming to terms with it, she will be going through a mini grieving process of what she emotionally has lost, she will get through it. A counselor is a good idea as she will be able to say what she wants without fear of hurting you.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

:goodpost:

Plus it's winter approaching, weather getting worse, less sun.... I think counseling is a good idea or maybe a mum/daughter get away. I wouldn't make a big deal of it but homesickness is a weird thing, irrational feelings, glorifying the good things and forgetting the bad. She'll get over it in time, with love and positive experiences to add to her "Canadian memory"

All the best :D

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

+1

It's called the end of the honeymoon period - when you first arrive everything is exciting and new and then there is a realisation that life goes on regardless and it's for ever.

A new pet would help (what a shame you couldn't bring the original) I am sure and having a house that she can call home will help her be more settled.

:)

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

I was messing around with Streetview the other day trying to get back to our old house in London from a couple of miles away (harder than I had imagined). Anyway my now 6 1/2 year old drifted up and asked what I was doing. I showed her the streetview of our old house (quite distinctive) and asked if she recognised it. She was 3 when we left, went to nursery, had plenty of friends etc. She had no idea that she'd lived there.

I suppose the point is that 6 months is nothing; really it isn't. I think it took us a couple of years to really feel settled. i think owning you own house, whilst a committment, also helps to feel ownership, and so pride and belonging. Give her time and I'm sure she'll get it out of her system. Christmas is a great opportunity to have fun and enjoy the present(s) - rather than moping over the past.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

there is a huge difference between a 3 year old and a 9 year old. I was taken to the UK as a 6-7 year old and I still have vivid memories of everything - the schools, friends, places we lived etc.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

Counselor my arse..what she needs is some good old fashioned love from Mum and Dad..they are the best counselors in the world.

Re: Homesick 9yr old
 

I don't think so. I'm sure they're okay on a number of issues but this one I'm not sure. School counselors are not the most highly trained, and the ones I've spoken to, and that’s many, are just normal cradles with that inbuilt survival gene that tells them Canada is the best place on earth and people who don't want to be here are ungrateful sods. That won't obviously be overt, but there will be an internal voice telling the counselor that. If I were going to send my child to talk to someone about this, I'd pay for a good child psychologist, preferably American or British trained/educated, or move back.