Oink

Or to continue the Machiavellian theme, there must be one their mates who's a lot better looking and cool than your son, give the kid 100 pounds to ask out the girlfriend. My bet is, that a 15 year old girl is a bit on the fickle side and may well bugger off with this other lad.

That said, I suspect this advice is not terribly helpful, practical or ethical.

farjojo71

Oh I so like that idea! I would definately be tempted to do this if this was happening to one of my kids

lancashirebird

i would tell him that he needed to come with you to activate his paperwork incase he ever needed to visit you in the future or move over

Once over i would say that you couldnt afford the return fare
I am sorry but i cant see a 15yr old making those decisions, i know someone at that age that went the same way as your son is thinking and beleive me you dont want to see him now
Try everything to get him to see your point............i wish you luck

mandymoochops

Personlly i'd let him get on with it.

Fly him over with you to land, send him back to the UK a week later - let him f**k up big style and then regret that you're not there to bail him out.

12 months down the line he'll be begging to come to Canada.

Ikatita

Have you tried to look up parenting helplines and see if one of them offers mediation or other help in getting the dialogue going? It sounds very much like the line of communication is completely dead between you and your children, and maybe a neutral third party could help re-open it.

mandymoochops

Sorry I know that seemed harsh - but as the parent of a wayward teenager myself who would do anything she could to get her own way (she even once threatened to call social services so she could be taken into care because she didn't want to move - so I called the number and gave her the phone hahahaha) sometimes there comes a time where playing nice and being reasonable doesn't cut it.

Kids are "older" now than we were at that age - they want the easy route, and their own way all the time nowadays - well I say give it to them - a lesson in the real world doesn't hurt any.

Piff Poff

I haven't anything useful to say that hasn't already been said. I just wanted to wish you some luck and send you some hugs.

I'm having a bit of a 'mare with my own teen daughter at the mo'. Been waiting what seems like months for a psych councelor for her (only been 3 weeks in reality, but when it's YOUR kid it seems like forever).

These teens are a bit of a mystery I must say. It sounds to me as though your son has found himself a manipulative B**** and would be better off if he ran a mile, BUT we all know what friends and first loves are like for a teen

My friends daughter moved over a couple of years ago with her teen (16/17)daughter who was in love and wanted to marry etc. They managed to persuade her to come for just a year and if she still felt the same way, she could go back and they wouldn't stop her. The long distance relationship carried on and on and then the daughter finished it last summer as she realised her life was better here.

Again all the best

DandNHill

I like the idea of getting him over and then telling him you can't afford the fare home (providing he doesn't have access to any money...)


You can't just tell him to get on with his devious plan and then hope he sees sense and moves over in a year or so. There would be a baby to consider then and that little one would be totally innocent in all this...

I have a 16 year old who has agreed he will come but might move back to the UK within 6 months or so... I have to "take" the risk that he might...

fornost

My heart goes out to you I know exactly how you are feeling I have two boys who at the time were 16 and 17 . One who wanted to come and one who didnt. He gave me so much crap about how he was going to rent a room in one of his friends houses and live on benefits . It hurts like hell but it also makes you so cross because you are trying to do the best for them at the same time!!!!!!.
As for the girlfriend lets just home she cant get pregnant !!! She should be sterilized as far as I am concerned. I sat down with my boy and did some sums on paper of what he would have to live on if he stayed and that was a good way of letting him see what a mistake he was making. It was still not easy as he had such a long face all the time. I promised him that if he was not happy he could have his return ticket and come back but he was getting no assistance from me at all financially. I also pointed out that if he stayed in the UK he could end up never being able to live in the same country as the rest of his family as a parent cannot sponsor a child after the age of 19.
God these kids do my head in when you are only trying to give them the best.
I had no intention of giving him his return ticket or his passport once we got here. !!!
We are now in Newfoundland with all four of our Kids and my son agrees that he has never had such a good social life and he enjoys school much more than he ever did in the UK.
I had got to the stage of just saying fine stay and give me a call when you want to come. I really sympathize with you.
Take care and if he wants to talk to my boys on MSN or Facebook as they do please let me know, we have been here 3 months.
Other than that if you have any friends out here send him out as soon as possible to get him away from her!. Or if you say he has some problems then see about getting him declared unstable !!!.
All the best you have my prayers.

DandNHill

I have a 16 year old who would be interested in talking to boys his age who have just moved...Could he speak to your boys?

fornost

Yes nota problem tell him to look for Peter or Mark Selley on Facebook and add as a friend or on MSN Peter who is now 17 his email is [url].
All the best anything else I can do let me know
Elaine

DandNHill

Thanks very much. He's working at the fish and chip shop tonight so I shall let him know when he gets back.

You don't have an 11 year old as well by any chance?

fornost

No sorry, but my boys are good with talking to youngsters as they are both in the Sea Cadets and used to dealing with the Juniors. They are both Petty officers so they good with youngsters. I also have a 5 and 7 year old!
Elaine

DandNHill

Ooohh you sound like me! I have 4 boys in total. 18, 16, 11 and 5! Not sure what's happening to the 18 year old as he's left college so I don't think he can come on our application!
I'm trying to convince him to follow us later but I don't know whether he will...
Where were you living in the UK?
(Have just spoken to my 16 yr old and he said he might email your son...)

Alberta_Rose

Yes he can!

They can come with you as dependents until they are 22. or even older if they are still a student!

The only problem is that if you come on a work permit, kids are not allowed to work! Once you are landed immigrants/permanent residents then they can work, study, or just lie around and be dependent!