spood1969

Hi all

Firstly let me explain, Its not myself who may benefit from any advice given ..I`m writing this to try ANYTHING to help them find where to go from here!

I have Close family who have VERY recently emmigrated to Squamish, BC.
its only been 4 months and (lets call her A) is very very depressed and on the verge of doing something silly because she wants to come back to the UK."because she hates it !",
"There is nothing and No-one here for me"
and "if i had known money would be this much of a struggle i would never have come in the first place"

Now I have never been in this situation, but have been sufficently moved by her reactions and the strain it is putting on her family to write on here to try and help. Its heartbreaking seeing so many people so upset and being so far away to be able to properly help.

Her other half (lets call him D) Is working very hard to make a go of this and has tried to talk to her but she instantly gets angry and shouts the above reasons and that no-one is listening to her.

We as a family have `Skyped` ourselves stupid recently to try to help them find some middle ground but she is unmovable and will only brighten up when talk comes round to her moving home ...even if t means splitting up the family ( 1 teenager is adamant she isn`t coming back to the UK and the 8 year old will always side with mum,) so its a 2 stay 2 go situation.

ANY help or advice for Me (Us) as a family to know what to say without making it worse or any advice we could pass on would e most welcome.

Also if anyone knows of someone they may be able to contact in Squamish for advice, that would be even better as `D` is at breaking point to know what to do

Thanks in advance
Steve

rae

hmm sorry to hear this, i have the t-shirt, worn it out, then got another one.

i don't think this will ever leave some people, some cope, some do not. many people make a new life for themselves over here, though for some it is not an instant fix, it takes time and only by allowing themselves literally years and years is this accomplished.

ultimately the family is the most important thing here. if sacrifices have to be made on both parts then thats what needs to happen, and i appreciate thats easily typed and not done.

i would suggest an agreement that they give it 1 full year. and after that she can come home for at least a month, with the 8yr old, while the other 2 stay in canada. following this trip a final decision is made.

this will allow things to settle. she will feel she only has to put up with things for a short while, the other half will see the opportunity to enjoy life here and hopefully convince her to stay. most importantly all talk of a move can be put off with, "well you are going home for a month in 8 months time, sort it out then"

the situation clearly needs some stability. its very very early days. my honeymoon period has come and gone, i have second thoughts still, and its on my mind. the question is really this, why did she come in the first place?
i should imagine the answer is still relevant, just needs reminding.


all the best, rae.

kleinluka

I was 18 when I first moved to Canada (alone) and I was completely psyched for the first half year or so and just over the moon!!! After 6 months I started getting very home sick. Never to a point where I was so depressed that I would hurt myself but I was considering going back. The thing is that I believe it's a phase. She needs to realize that moving back to the UK will not make her life any better. The grass isn't greener in the UK. She should remind herself of the reasons why she left. I'm sure she didn't just leave for fun? If she goes back to the UK she will face all the same things that made her leave the UK in the first place and while she may feel relieved for a few weeks I am pretty sure that this would be a decision she would regret later. Especially if it would mean separating with two other family members.

I did move back to Europe after 3 years of living in Canada and once the "vacationy" feeling passed and I realized I was actually living back there again I missed what I had in Canada. And now I am back and couldn't be happier!

It's impossible for me to tell you what she's feeling or if it's even remotely comparable to what I went through with all this back and forth. I think what she needs is friends over there. Just people that show her that she is not alone. Because even the most beautiful place on earth can be hell if you are alone. She needs to make social connections and then she will start feeling at home too.

Good luck!

Yoong

Looks like A needs immediate help and the deeper she goes into depression,
the harder it is to keep her safe at home.
Ask D to contact Squamish Crisis Stablization Team to talk with someone
about A 's depression. The telephone # is found on the link below.

http://www.nscg.ca/services/health_i...cfm#depression

Yoong

Lychee

Where did they live before moving to Squamish? And why did they choose Squamish? Did they visit before moving?

I say this because Squamish is not the most inspiring of destinations to move to. The countryside is beautiful, but the town and infrastruction is certainly not alluring. To generalize, it's small, blue collar, former industrial town that has lost its biggest employer (a lumber mill), and it certainly takes a certain kind of person to live there. These days Squamish is trying to remarket itself as a tourist destination for outdoor activities as it does have rockclimbing, hiking, kayaking options. I have noticed that a lot of the real estate has been built as investment properties, marketed to Vancouverites. While I have never lived in Squamish, I have had friends who have moved there from Vancouver (Vancouver is only a 45 minute drive away) and they have felt alone, isolated, and experienced a kind of "culture shock", so they moved back to Vancouver. The lifestyle in Squamish is certainly not for everyone. Perhaps the compromise is to move somewhere in Canada that offers more of a similar to the lifestyle they had in the UK (if it's even possible). If they lived in a small English village, there will never be anything similar to Canada. If they lived in a city, or are seeking more cultural diversity and sophistication, they would likely feel more at home in Vancouver than Squamish. The compromise is that where cities are more interesting in Canada, the housing prices are a lot more expensive.

Something to consider. Good luck!

jericho

I probably wont score many points for this, but if everyone posted about being homesick, the forum would be full of homesickness threads.

Everyone is going to feel homesick- if you came to a new country, leaving behind everyone/everything you knew, thinking you wouldnt be homesick, you're kinda stupid.

If you sit around moping about how much you miss friends etc, and going on about it on internet forums, how do you ever expect to shake yourself out of it? Life is what you make of it. It's hard for all of us- especially when money is tough (and it is for most of us at the moment), but things aint gonna get better until you give yourself a kick in the pants and make the most of the situation.

Four months is nothing. Jeez, wait until you spend you first christmas/birthday etc without your UK family/friends, and then see how bad you feel.

Ultimately, I cant help feel that 'A' is being extremely selfish. We moved here with 2 young girls (1 and 2, at the time). I didnt do it for me- I didnt know anyone here, and to all intents and purposes, we've started from scratch.
I gave up a decent, well paid job, with a nice house etc, but me and wifey were fed up with the way the UK had gone. We did it for our kids- so that they have the kind of opportunities I dont think are there for them anymore in Manchester. It was a real wrench for us- like when my eldest had her 3rd birthday in November, and she asked if "everyone was coming round for her party". Christmas was difficult. Knowing that we've taken the kids away from our family (and we're all really close) was really hard. But 8 months in, and I know we've done the right thing. The girls are doing really well. My wife has her own circle of friends and my job is going well. We like the area we live in, crime is almost non-existent and there's a ton of things for either the girls to do, or for us to do as a family.

Personally, I dont miss the UK in the slightest. I noticed one of my English friends on facebook was commenting how there'd been another fight at the pub following the utd/city derby and someone had stabbed. Yeah, I miss that like a whole in the head....

Anyways, I'd tell your friend to stop looking backwards and start looking forwards. I'm sure she didnt move here for selfish reasons, so she shouldnt go back for selfish reasons either...

The4BellsLondon

Spood - I felt like that -still have the days - been here since Dec (ooh hang on you talking bout me ??) oh no we are in vancouver and the kids are different ages! BUT - pm me - she can call and chat to me of she wants !

el_richo

I urge you need to pass this above advice on Spood.

ANYBODY "very very depressed and on the verge of doing something silly" needs to get help from a professional.

Also 4bells offer is a lovely and fab one that you should also pass on. A friendly voice going/gone through a similar situation could do A the world of good.

A horrible situation for all involved and i hope it all works out eventually with everybody and all relationships intact.

Rich