Hi All. I need help please.

I am just at the tail end of my reccie and less than a week ago i was looking forward to doing this. I had met with Margot in Truro and i met up with some of the expats from this forum and i was all raring to go and keen on the idea. Now i am at the end of my reccie and back in Dartmouth, i am not so sure i want to do this anymore or at least when i am thinking about leaving my family and giving up my job it makes me shake inside and wonder whether i am doing the right thing or not. The quote above helped a little, but i just wonder if anyone else came out on reccie then had all these same kind of doubts or whether this is just me being scared... I think because i am doing this on my own too, which is very very scary. IS there anyone out there that understands!!! Or am i crazy.. Please help, i think i am having a nervous breakdown....

Emmjay

Hi Emmjay,

Think we recognise those words you quoted!

Let us explain that the above comment we made failed to mention that we came over on a long research trip and holiday in June/July 2007. Having spent a few weeks in and around Calgary and generally feeling very positive about the whole thing, we then drove up to Edmonton to commence the holiday part of our trip. Within hours of arriving in Edmonton and sat in our hotel room, we pretty much talked oursleves out of coming over here. (Sorry to all Edmonton based BE members - we know how that reads - we're sure being in Edmonton had nothing to do with how we suddenly started to feel ) Within a day or two, we were OK again and back on track for coming over and giving this a go.

Reflecting on that now, that "dip" in our feelings was really fairly irrational. We are both very organised individuals, pretty clear thinking for the most part, but the enormity of what we were proposing to do was beginning to hit home and to be honest, we were scared and that was making us unsure and it was causing us to seek the comfort blanket of home/family/friends/existing jobs/etc. Our answer was to remind ourselves (out loud...we know, sounds sort of corny!) why we were looking to take on this challenge and what was exciting us about the propsect. It helped.

For you, we've got to say, we've been following your story on Expats and we have HUGE admiration that you are considering doing this on your own. To have the strength of character and independence to come as far as you have suggests you've got all it takes to make this work.

Whatever your decision, we wish you the best.

Kind regards,

Eamonn & Janet.

Thanks Eamonn and Janet

I just feel, since i have been over here, a bit displaced, like a fish out of water and that i don't and won't fit in. And even though this is a reccie, i am missing my family more than i ever did on holidays out here previously, which is making me wonder if i could do it permanently or not? I think i am just worrying about doing this on my own without having anyone over here to rely on and support. I am not very good at talking to new people at the best of times, so how am i supposed to do this in a new country on my own!!!!. I think when i get the chance to sit down and think and speak with my family i will be able to decide whether or not i am doing the right thing.

I know that i will regret it if i don't, but my family mean a heck of a lot to me and everyone i have met over here are all very family orientated people and it just got me to thinking about my Dad, Mum and two brothers and whether or not i could do this on my own!!!!. I do not know if it is because it is now finally starting to sink in the whole"what am i doing", giving everything up and risking losing everything i have, i do not know. I am just so scared and have almost been in tears just thinking about it.

Your quote seemed to help a bit, but i am on a roller coaster of emotions and feelings at the moment.

Thanks for your kind words of support though.

Emmjay

Hi Em,
I think nearly everyone on here understands how you feel - you really aren't alone You've had a hectic couple of weeks and are probably tired. Just look what you've done in that time - remember how scared you were just a week ago about driving by yourself to Truro - on the wrong side of the road and in an automatic too But you did it, and were fine.
You just need to get home now, back to your family and take stock of all you've seen and done. You have lots to think about and need to put it all in perspective. Have a great trip back and remember there are lots of people around to help you when you need it

Definitely.

Eamonn & Janet.

I am doing a research trip arriving to Calgary this weekend, also on own, got to report back to partner and kids every day with findings, did you say stress, nervous breakdown I am doing that already and not even left yet.

Not much help but at least your not alone in being terrified

Hey Emmjay

I'm doing it by myself too (have just finished a year on BUNAC and am now job hunting in Vancouver) and can really relate to what you say as it can feel very lonely as you process all the info and get the supporting documents together all by yourself. you can also feel crazy at times to want to move thousands of miles away alone and only see your family once or twice a year.

I came out last Sept and landed in Toronto never having set foot in Canada before and didn't know a soul here. Don't worry about chatting to people - I was the shyest person on earth in London, wouldn't walk into a bar by myself let alone sit in one and got totally tongue-tied talking to strangers but whilst it is terrifying at first, coming here forced me to stop hiding behind my family and friends and get out and talk to people which has done my confidence the world of good.

Good luck with the rest of your reccie - I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you in the end.

LL

Hi Emmjay,

I can relate to what you are saying. I think I spent most of the recce in a bit of a whirlwind,and whilst I was loving it, I was still always thinking in the back of my mind if I could actually make the move.

I think everybody processes these things differently, but for me it was once I got home and had time to just sit and really reflect on everything that we had seen and done that I was able to make the decision that this is for me

Enjoy the rest of the time you have in NS and don't put yourself under too much pressure "now" to feel that you need to decide.

Once you get home you will be able to speak to the people that are important for you and I think either way the decision will come naturally.

Best wishes and as everybody has said you are not alone

Hello

I have been back from my reccie for nearly 3 weeks now and can understand all you are saying. Whilst in nova scotia i felt just like you did but decided it was because i was tired like you covered a lot of miles. Now back home i am going for it because i will regret it if i dont. The feeling of not belonging also hit me when i was there but reckon that will come with time. At the end of the day if it does not work out we can always come home. My brother emigrated to new zealand 3 months ago and is missing his family i think that just comes with it at least canada is nearer and cheaper to get to.

Hi Emmjay,

I think you should be more worried if you weren't feeling worried, if that makes sense!

Whilst you're still there and I know its really cliche but why don't you write a list of all the good things about your visit that have inspired you.

Then write another list of all the things however big or small that have put doubts in your mind.

Then put it to the bottom of your suitcase and forget about it until several weeks after your return to the UK and do a similar list there. Then try and compare the two. Its a logical approach- and lets be honest us girls tend to make big decisions with our hearts and 'gut feeling' but when it stares you back in the face you will find your heart will 'gravitate' to one list over another.

That time after you are back you will have a chance to reflect on what you saw and you might think you want to get back asap or gradually put it on the 'backburner'. I certainly did the latter for a spell.

Personally, and probably like you it is my family in the UK that gives me major doubts EVERY time. And knowing me if NS becomes home I will probably look to persuading the rest of the clan to come over too!!

My visit to NS was very short and the time was absorbed looking at schools, employers, meeting RDA contacts, seeing typical houses, checking out supermarkets etc etc. I didn't get to sightsee to give me the 'inspiration' as such and would have loved to have seen the Northshore etc. so I hope you have some pics or footage to share!

Some of my 'good points' were:-

- filming the rush hour morning 'traffic' and comparing it to my 40 mins 5 mile commute in the UK

- seeing 4 bald eagles up near the Tidal Bore

- the hospitality some of the locals gave us

- seeing all Year 3 kids in Cobequid Elementary having their own laptops in class

- imagining having visitors over and taking them for lobster at Salty's!

Some of my niggles/concerns were:-

- wandering around one properties land and thinking do I really want to live in near isolation and feel like I'm one of the extras in the Blair Witch Project?

- are the kids in the rural schools as smart as my own? Will they accept my kids? Will I be accepted by the other mothers?

- How will work fit around school opening and closing times?

I still don't have the answers!

Thanks everyone. I think, as you all said, i am tired, frustrated and have so many itching mosquito bites that are driving me to distraction and now have sunburn too.

I just need to process everything. My main concern is leaving my family and job (the whole comfort zone) thing.. I think I still want to give this a go, but being on my own and being lonely terrifies me, but then again i am on my own in the UK. I only have my family here, no really close friends, just work colleagues.

I decided i wanted to do this, because i wanted to meet new people and possibly make new friends, but i am not sure I even know how to go about making friends. I have never been a very outgoing person and do not find it easy talking to people.

Anyway, if i do this, at least i know i am not the only one having these feelings. But the thought of starting over again and probably in a lesser job role scares me, i know what i am doing in my job, blindfolded, so to start from scratch is terrifying.

When i look back at some of my threads on this site, i wonder if i am actually a grown up adult or still a child, as i do not feel very adult like at the moment.

I fly home tomorrow night, so will let you know how i get on

Thanks

Emmjay

Hey you say you're on your own now.....- whats not to say you don't meet someone when you are forced out of your comfort zone and make a real effort to meet people.

Anyway- if and when we all get to NS.....I'll need a bottle of wine buddy.

I have kids and I have those kinds of committments that I cant ignore, though I try, and if I was on my own I would just go for it. I clearly did even with kids, but my point is, what have you got to lose? I'm no joiner, even with kids, but people here are friendly and they do welcome you. Not to mention there are plenty of handsome men out here to snap you up, if you are so inclined!

I think go home, ruminate on it and if you still have doubts about leaving family etc, think about setting a deadline for when you would return. For instance when we moved to NZ I didnt enjoy it as much as I had hoped after the first 6 months and I said we would review it after 2 years. We ended up staying 4 years, but you get my point.

Good luck in your decision. I wouldnt want to wonder what if, especially as the world is your oyster with no committments like kids. Go for it!