feeling low!
 

hi everyone,

So here I am, We moved from the UK in Mid Dec 2008, have now been in Toronto for a month.
Experience so far..
Honestly it's not been great, I hate the TV, Can't get a job, find the food prices to be very expereince! have had enough of the snow!
Vegetarian food seems to be non exisistant.

The only plus pointm, I have a 5yr old who is enjoying school..

I'm feeling very sad, and low! I wonder if I've made the wrong decision about moving, I've already considered moving back to the UK..

ohh I'm sorry but I have nothing positive to write about!

$15 an hour seens like a basic wage here..

I don't think I can do this

I wanna go home.........................


:-(


Jinn

Re: feeling low!
 

Lots of Indian food is vegetarian, get yourself to Coxwell and Gerrard.

Re: feeling low!
 

Arriving at the start of winter makes it all seem worse. Give it at least six months, if not a year and you will start to find your feet.


Probably feeling a bit of cabin fever along with the homesickness, but with any luck as summer comes along (honest, it will eventually), and you get a foot up on the job market, hoepefully things will start to look better. Try signing up for things to get you out and about and meeting people...many jobs come about that way here, and it will at least help keep you a bit sane. What sort of work are you looking for by the way?

Re: feeling low!
 

I think expecting to settle in, find work and not be experiencing some anxieties within little more than a month of arrival is unrealistic. I believe it takes at least a year to find your feet, make some friends and feel like you're part of a community here and not just a displaced individual.

Re: feeling low!
 

hey,

I know but seriously today I feel down, just don't want to be here!
I cried, and cried don't know how to get myself up again! need to get myself together.

Talking of work, I used to work for an underwriting agency in central London as a Credit Analyst, my background is mainly Credit and at the moment it seems to be hard to find anything in this field.

Please tell me things will be better....

Re: feeling low!
 

I totally sympathise with you i've had many bouts of feeling low, lonely and sometimes just want to wake up and be back in the UK.

What advise i can give you is give yourself a little more time.

What were the motivations for the move?

For me the added complication is i am married to a Canadian and generally we are much better off here than we were in the UK.

Often in January and Febuary i just can't seem to get my mind off the UK i've heard there is such a thing as 'winter depression' which for me is a bit severe as i'm not that depressed but my method of viewing things changes and i do start to get homesick. As Iain said already in the summer you may find your spirits lifted.

It's hard to judge your best decision as some people have waited and still hated it and others have waited and loved it after the initial wall.

It really did help when i got a job and was working regulaly.

Re: feeling low!
 

Hi Jinn

sorry to hear you're having a tough time I really hope things start to improve soon. I'm sure a lot of people on hear know exactly how you feel it's not easy moving away from everything familiar. It's also a crappy time of year to be looking for work I alway found January in Toronto pretty grim. I'm sure once you find work things will be a little easier. Good luck:)

Re: feeling low!
 

Treat the work situation as a positive -get things done and get involved in things that would normally not be possible with a full time job. You need to consciously choose a positive attitude to your situation.

Re: feeling low!
 

Hi,

Thanks for your replies.

Our main reason for moving was our children, as mentioned before we have a 5yr old and a 2 yr old, everyting in the UK just seemed to be getting bad, we thought a move here will be good for our children and gives us all a new start.

I have started to miss the London life, my job, certain foods.. especially TV..anyway I can get UKTV here.?

Anyone know of an Iceland type store here? mississauga.

I think I'm gonna give it somemore time here but come the summer if things have'nt improved and I still don't like it. We might have to move back to the UK.

Anyone ,know of people who have actually gone back home?

Re: feeling low!
 

Do you check the flyers to see what food is on offer? Such as http://www.loblaws.ca/en/thisWeeksFlyer.aspx

Don't discount the drugstores which often have great deals on pop, cereals, bread, toilet paper, coffee, cookies.....

It's easy to save $$$ by making a list....especially if you're free to make a short trip to two supermarkets instead of one long one.

Re: feeling low!
 

Well I'm one of them but that was after just over 8 years. Also check out the Moving Back forum on this site.

Re: feeling low!
 

If you have a car you could try Costco for shopping. I know several people who went home and others who moved on to somewhere else, I wouldn't do either until the end of summer. Canada is miserable in the winter, you may feel that summer in Mississauga makes up for it.

Re: feeling low!
 

Anyone know of an Iceland type store here? mississauga.

What exactly is an Iceland type store?

There's no doubt moving her in the winter can be depressing when you've got not family to contact. I'm sure if I moved to Glasgow, Manchester or Newcastle in a UK winter I would be depressed also. You also moved shortly before Christmas, to add to your low state.
It truly is very early to talk about going back. What does your husband think about it? What type of work are you looking for? Would you be prepared to take almost anything?
If you're in Mississauga get on the GO train into the city and walk around. Not today, of course.

Re: feeling low!
 

Lots have returned just look in the return to the UK forum,
Sorry you are having a rough time, like the others have said get involved apart from the fact it will give you more to focus on it may lead to contacts re a job :D

I hope you feel better once the snow has gone and spring is in the air, try and remember why you left here in the first place and if all else fails return ?

Have you and the family tried some of the winter sports, its a bit hard for the 2 yr old but im sure you can get around that,

Also look at the job markets here esp in London the jobs are going daily
may be in the same sittuation here ? what about trying else where for a job,

Hope you feel better soon if not go to the doctors and get some help,

Re: feeling low!
 

Anyone know of an Iceland type store here? mississauga.

What exactly is an Iceland type store?

There's no doubt moving her in the winter can be depressing when you've got not family to contact. I'm sure if I moved to Glasgow, Manchester or Newcastle in a UK winter I would be depressed also. You also moved shortly before Christmas, to add to your low state.
It truly is very early to talk about going back. What does your husband think about it? What type of work are you looking for? Would you be prepared to take almost anything? The basic (minimum) wage is less than $10 per hour.
If you're in Mississauga get on the GO train into the city and walk around. Not today, of course but as soon as weather is better. Have you been into the underground shopping area/Eaton Centre? There's lots to do but it won't come to you

Re: feeling low!
 

UK type TV was covered just yesterday...sort off, it was disguised as an attack on cdn tv. You will have to take the rough with the smooth in that thread!
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=587406

If you have high speed internet then there are all sorts of torrents and streams that have been discussed before, but your best bet for happy assymilation to the canadian lifestye is to try and immerse yourself in stuff to do in Canada. UK TV might just feed the homesickness and keep you stuck at home miserable.

Having kids that age (similar to my two) is a great ice breaker, but are there other outside activities you can nurture to get you out and about and meeting people....music, art, hobbies and interest etc? Adult Skating lessons, Evening classes, that sort of thing. People are not going to knock on your door and ask if you want to be your friend, you have to be proactive and work at it a bit. Then other good things come of it, support, job contacts etc etc...a new life to fill the old one you are missing in short.

Life here doesnt stop in the winter...but it can look that way sometimes.

Re: feeling low!
 

I think m & m is about the nearest thing but costco is a good suggestion it's the same as in England. Why don't you start a new forum living in misssaga with kids looking for friends!! Hopefully you might meet some others in your position. It's early days keep your chin up!

Re: feeling low!
 

Oh your poor thing. I imagine that your job gave you structure and recognition and now you don't have that, combined with child care and winter weather, I can see how this would be a difficult time for you. I get a bit depressed in winter if I don't leave the house. Having a young child around must be stressful too. I remember moving to the UK and hating it, but I love living there now. Who'd a thought! Sorry I can't offer practical advice, but some of the others have some great ideas.

Re: feeling low!
 

I dont think M&M has much in the way of vegetarian choice? Could be wrong though.
Hmm, stay in on the computer, or get out there with your kids to a few places where kids and parents go...which is more likely to result in striking up a real lasting friendship I wonder...

Re: feeling low!
 

I'm really sorry to hear you feel so blue. About the only thing I can say is it will get better. You have come at an awful time of the year, which doesn't help. Yes the job situation is crap at the moment, but seems bad all over the world. A friend of mine in the UK just got laid off after almost 30 years in a secure job. Have you thought about doing some volunteer stuff? It's a great way to get involved in the community and get to know lots of people, and to network. Also, the only Iceland type store I know of is M&M. Quite honestly I find the food here way cheaper than in the UK but much depends on what you usually buy. Anyway, hang in there for a bit longer and I'm sure it will get better.

Re: feeling low!
 

I've sent you a personal message.

Re: feeling low!
 

If you are a credit analyst try these agencies in Toronto

http://www.thorekscott.com/
http://www.collinsrecruit.com/

Keep your chin up!

Re: feeling low!
 

Still being a Karma whore eh?

To the OP - don't read the thread on Toronto vs Calgary.... I said Don't!!

Now you've read it,:rofl: TO does have a lot to do. It takes energy to do it though. There's some good suggestions above.

Join the local library - you'll find lots of groups and activites advertized there.
Jobs: look up some companies and pay 'em a visit. You might be surprised. There's nothing wrong with a little door knocking.

Be willing to start lower down on the totem pole: you will catch up as your wit, charm and good breeding make themselves evident!

Lok up brit com on youtube and have a laugh. Eric and Ernie a re always good for a chuckle - or Jasper Carrot!

Don't worry - winter will be over eventually!

All this is just a nicer way of saying pull yourself together, but is more likely to generate Karma:thumbup::rofl:

Don't take yourself too seriously, or even how you feel too seriously.

Try "This too shall pass!" for a mantra.

Or try this - from Susan Jeffers' book, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

"I would prefer to have a great job and feel happy about my move to Canada, but I can handle it!"

Re: feeling low!
 

:rofl: No comment:rofl: But i am surprised no one has broached the idea that the OP could be a troll :ohmy:

Re: feeling low!
 

I really do sympathise...It is tough to move and cope in a new place.

But....Really to be honest I think you have to try and pull yourself together a bit - at least for the sake of your kids....Not clear to me if you are on your own or with a partner? Is he/she working?

Why don't you go and investigate mom's groups? Your nearest library will probably have something on OR your nearest church. Or perhaps even someone at your 5yr olds school might recommend somewhere....Local papers might have a listing of something as well. You need to start thinking about making a life 'cos it isn't going to come along for you.......When YOU are the new person YOU have to do the work.

As far as food goes...Sorry again I really don't want to sound harsh (I do know what it is like to feel thrown by a place honestly) but Vegetarian food in my experience starts with vegetables and you can buy those anywhere...All my supermarkets sell Tofu and beans etc...I don't know about ready made stuff as I don't eat it but veggies are everywhere!!!

Please don't think I am unsympathetic but you must know yourself that sitting around crying isn't going to get you anywhere. Coming to a new country is a challenge and I am sure if you just try and lift yourself up a bit you will make the best of it.....You had the courage to come here after all....

Good luck
L

Re: feeling low!
 

IF you are broaching the idea, then broach it by PM or reporting the post.

It shows no signs of trollyness to me. People do get homesick, and post here for support, not a kick in the head when they are down.

Re: feeling low!
 

Agreed- don't jump to judgement quickly!!!

Re: feeling low!
 

Hi Jinn, first of all I want to say I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now!! I have felt all the same things you have and its horrible...... We moved over in October. I have been having the same problem with the work situation I can't seem to find anything either back home I was in healthcare and out of the two of us I thought that my job would be the easiest to sort out, but I was wrong the red tape here for healthcare jobs is a nightmare. Going from alwways working to having nothing to get up for is sole destroying, but hopefully things are starting to look up now, but I really do feel the smae feelings you are feeling and I'm not going to be alone when I say that you are not alone, we all go through these emotions that we haven't felt before, just take a step back and look at what you have done, it's huge!!!!!:eek: As people have told me give yourself some credit for what you HAVE achieved in the last few months it doesn't get any bigger than this!!
Try not to loose sight of the reasons why you came over in the first place and try to get out and meet new people, I know thats easier said than done, but will help. Don't go home yet!! you need to have a good go at it. I wanted to go home too last week I had had enough and needed a cuddle from my sister and my friends, but this week I feel much better, you will find that times that you feel low will get further and further apart and eventually they will fade (hopefully) :D Keep your chin up and if you need to chat PM and I will give you my number and we can have a proper chat. Take care
Bella
xx:thumbsup:

Re: feeling low!
 

If you were a credit analyst in Central London it's no wonder you're bored out of your skull in Mississauga. What type of credit did you analyse, commercial, personal, retail or industrial? Get your resume together and submit it to all the major banks in downtown Toronto. You may hit paydirt even in this lousy economy. It will not come to you.

Re: feeling low!
 

PM and I'll help you get the UK tv thing sorted!!
Bella

Re: feeling low!
 

Sorry you're feeling low and lonely.

I arrived in Georgetown at a similar time and it is hard. I too still don't have a job - previously worked in retail operations. Luckily my husband does (reason why we came) so we have no money worries.

I had been thinking the food etc was expensive too. I think it is partly because it will take a long time (if ever) to get used to the higher numbers so it feels like you are paying more. Also in our first shopping trips we were having to start from scratch and buying oil, seasoning, cleaning products which you only normally buy occasionally. We were starting to worry but now we are more established the costs have calmed down. I have also started shopping with a list which i never did before, shopping for specific meals and this does mean you buy exactly what you need, cutting on cost and waste when you get to the end of the week and have no idea how to put the food together.

We shop mainly at RC Superstore and A&P mainly because they are local to us. I know there are cheaper options. I am vegetarian and am loving the selection of fresh fruit and vegetables which most stores seem to show off really well. Hating all the wax used though to make them shine. Both the above sell tofu, soy products, and ready meals (although i haven't tried any). In my opinion they don't compare to the UK products although there is a large selection. They also don't sell quorn which i loved. they have loads of a product called tofurkey! i have had a good soya mince product with flavouring added so it self sauces for an easy meal. In general though i am using more beans and lentils and have the time to cook them properly to create good meals that my meat eating husband loves too so my indifference to the processed foods is a good thing.

A recommendation I can make is St Lawrence Market in Toronto centre. It is fun to wander round and do some of your shopping and has a good vegetarian and snack section downstairs - try the crepes. Also, I have been to an amazing Vegetarian restaurant in Toronto which i thought was really reasonable - $80 for 2 including main course, :thumbsup:1 dessert, 2 teas and a bottle of wine. They do tapas dishes so you choose a selection to share. It is really fresh and unusual but delicious. It is on Queen Street West (at Spadina) and called Fressen.

I know i need to get out and meet more people too but it is hard as I am naturally quite shy. However, the Canadians are all really friendly so I am going to make myself do it more. I have picked up some leaflets on art classes today from the library so will try to give one of them a go.

I have found keeping in touch with friends and family back home actually helps so Facebook and Skype have been a lifesaver.

Definitely a couple of months is not long enough to make a permanent decision. I am sure it took a lot longer to decide to come over. Before we arrived we had only been over during spring/summer. The wait will be worth it as they are much better than back home.

Take little steps - even just achieving one thing like going to a new park with your children or introducing yourself to someone new, even if it is the lady in the bank. They will add up and I am sure we will feel more settled.

Good Luck

xxx

Re: feeling low!
 

i know this probably sounds patronising as hell, and its not intended that way..but honey, thats culture shock talking. IT really is. Trust me, i've moved country six times, i know it when i hear it.

that doesn't make it any easier. What you can do to help yourself..especially with it being winter
- get condensed milk with added vitamin D. It will impact your mood, but you don't need a lot.
- get as much daylight as you can, ti will help.
- Going out will also get you in touch wiht people, which will be good for you.
- if you know anyone locally, invite them around or go around to theirs
- if you don't know anyone locally, try going to the library to use their pc (at least you'll get the walk and the company!) to job hunt,
- volunteer if you can't find work. Scouts always need poeple, as does reading hour in the library, first aid, etc.
- get out there and get doing. Exercise will make you feel better.
- you have a kid. Get kid into mum and kid groups, meet other mums and network.
Unemployment is rough, but you can do this.

Re: feeling low!
 

OP

if it helps i kind of felt the same arriving in september, the month stage seems to be over the holiday period and everyone around is getting on with life ;)

Seek out some mother and tot groups, ask at the local school, ask at doctors anywhere that may give you some info :thumbsup:
also another way is connect to facebook, honestly there are groups on there in all areas and may help you to connect to other mothers.
This is the time you need to be making the kids feel settled, although sounds like one of them is loving it.

Try and pull away from the uk and dont look at the "moving backside" well not yet until you give it a chance, remember the reasons you moved and keep forused, as a mother i know where you are coming from, everyone is out doing 'there thing'

Don't worry we have all been where you are ;);)
Karma on its way :eek:

Re: feeling low!
 

That from Bellanova ................

Us too - We know EXACTLY how you feel......... Now listen this this!!!!

I wish you could read our posts from this time last year (they get blocked after a while) We arrived on 13th December 2007 and we hit shit big time, what could go wrong did go wrong. John was so depressed like I have never seen, it scared me! A grown man crying, no, more than that un controlled sobbing for hours. There was no one to help, no one gave a dam, no job, the rented house was crap and life was an absolute bitch. We very very nearly drove to the airport, dumped the brand new car and got on a plane...... But we didn't.

The year hasn't been the best in our lives but on Feb 29th we bought a house - On March the 6th John was offered a 2 bit crappy job crappy hours and crappy pay but accepted it. Things deffinately started to look up.

Now John still works for the same company, he has since been promoted and is 4th from the top in a job he loves. The boss flew in from Calgary on Monday to see him and offered him the chance to move to Alberta to take up a position 3rd from the top....... All this in less than a year.

Our turning point was the job, take what you can get - It wont be what you want but it will get you out of the house and gets you meeting people.

Nothing makes what you are feeling any better...... just yet - but hopefully you'll give it your best shot and remember that the UK isn't the best place in the world right now, even if it might seem like it.

Re: feeling low!
 

wow you have had so many replies - how nice everyone is!

also sounds as if what you are going through is normal.

so we all want to know how are you today!!!:thumbsup:

hope today is a better one for you - try some of their suggestions, little steps....

Re: feeling low!
 

I've been through this, it is massive culture shock. It is not helped in your situation by a) you being a Londoner (moving out of London is a massive change even within the UK - I speak from experience) b) winter (it is hell).
My OH and I have been through such extremes of emotion on this immigration malarky (7 months now), I relate to the sobbing in previous post!! I find the culture/homesickness thing just rears up from nowhere, you think you're doing fine and then it grabs you and pulls you down to some really dark irrational places. The only thing you can do when this happens is tell yourself that the feelings will go away and when you wake up the next day it is a fresh start and you will feel better. This is probably the most testing thing you will ever do. I wonder often if we are masochists!!! But you will survive and remember it doesn't have to be forever.

Re: feeling low!
 

Yes totaly understand how you feel we hit our low spot july 07 we landed feb 06 took 2 mths to get a job laid off after 6mths laid off for 3mths ended up in Fort Mcmurry there for 2mths came back to windsor vowing I will take any job going . Did not feel I had come all this way to be away from my family. Missed the UK, mum ,dad,friends, old job, chippy's,brown sauce. So may things because Canada is so different. Without even thinking of relocating to another part of Canada.We decide to go back to the Uk, we packed the container we packed off the dog and we booked our flights back.
Thousand spent but thousands wasted we got to Toronto away from Windsor we cleared our heads, depression lifted and we could see that going back was not the right move .We thought of WHY we came here and it was the kids, we wanted a better life for them. I got a job offer by email while we where in Toronto. We went back, faced the music and booked flights back to Winnipeg within the week.I just know that if we had gone back it would of been the worst decision of our lives.
So many of us go through what you are going through now but be strong think of your kids and see Canada for what it is, a beautiful country with a lot decent people here to boot. I hope things turn around for the better soon but give it a little bit more time here.

Re: feeling low!
 

AM with you on this 0 we landed on 10th Dec - not the best time - and I feel sad and low some days - looking for work - worrying bout food and house prices . . My kids are both at school bu the oldest is still missing her friends terribly - I have said - at least a year - and when the spring comes I hope it will all brighten up.

Some days are good - when its sunny and we go boarding . .others when its grey I am glad I have the dogs as I HAVE to take them out and that makes me talk to people in the park - -

We went to a supper last night with OH's work so we are going out etc . . -I think the time of year really doesnt help . . . .


BUT we will get through it - OH seems fine so that what keeps me going - he knows I am suffering - am v strong and out going - but the rental is crap and some days I really have to make myself go out . . . .but I think this will be a better life once I have got over my hiccup - -

re uk tv - you can access bbc I player etc . . there are threads on here - or pm me :)

BIG HUGS xoxoxoxox

Re: feeling low!
 

Canada isn't miserable in the winter. You just have to adapt and find winter activities.

Re: feeling low!
 

Hi There

Im sorry to hear you are unhappy however, I have gotta say Toronto is a wonderful city. :rofl:
It is buzzing with activities and jobs are plentiful.
I think you should give it a bit longer, you cannot base your experience on 6-7wks.

Where abouts in Toronto are you?