Tirytory

Hi all,


As the title says really..... My son after initially seeming to settle in, is really struggling at the moment. He's mentioned bullying type incidents, says he spends a lot of recess alone. He told me when he tell the teacher, her response was "what do you expect me to do about it?" He's crying about going to school and cried in school this week. He misses all his friends understandably and says this school is not as good as his old one.

For some background, he is in Grade 3 English Stream of the French Immersion school, which comes with it's only queries. But of only two schools open to us in the area, it was the one with by far the best results. The other school seemed to have nearly 50% special needs per class, and academic progression was awful/negative. We since heard that's it's a not good school and they have split years so it's hard to feel that there is another option open to him. A smaller class size inevitably means less choice of friends also.

Back home, he had lots of friends in his class, and two other best friends which he would spend lots of time with (they still both email him) , was part of a really great rugby team and was friends with so many children in his area because of rugby/cricket/scouts which would have fed into his local comprehensive. I've tried inviting children back, but none of the kids seem to mix like they did back home- maybe because of geographical area and buses- everyone lived in the same area back home. He loves football, but it's not big here so they don't play that at school. He is part of the local soccer team but it really isn't comparable to the rugby structure/sociable side back home.

I feel like we've actively made his life worse by coming here. He wants to go home to his friends, and it's hard to consider staying when you know your child is unhappy and you can see exactly why. We never moved because we thought it would be "better" for him- after all they are pretty comparable countries. We hoped that we could replicate his life.

But it is true that my husband is loving his job and is less stressed, and we can afford a better house, has more money (if that means anything at all).... Feeling confused and terribly guilty...

bats

I don't have children but I was one once. How are they bullying him, what are they singling out about him to pick on? This might/will give a clue to his vulnerabilities. Of course it might be just because he is new and they like to pick on new. What do the teachers say?

Tirytory

It sounds quite physical. He said he got his foot stamped on this week and yesterday came home said he was held down with his head near mud and kept being pushed down. Conversely he says sometimes they're nice to him though.

Up til now, I haven't gone in, was just monitoring the situation, and he asked me not to- he said it wouldn't do any good anyway- when's he told his teacher he says she always dismisses him and doesn't do anything. Clearly I need to go in now.

Siouxie

With regards to his teacher, you may want to remind them that Ontario has anti-bullying legislation.
http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/eng/teachers/safeschools.html

Take a look at the school website (or school board website) and see what their stance is on dealing with bullying.. they are required to have one.

http://tldsb.ca/students/code-of-conduct/

Sorry to hear he is sad..

it gets better soon.



(did you check if there are any rugby clubs nearby? http://rugbyontario.com/en-us/aboutu...ugbyclubs.aspx)

bats

Yes, it sounds like he is worried that saying something will make it worse. Teacher sounds a little odd, maybe she doesn't recognize British understatement.

Good luck. Hope things get sorted soon.

Minstrels87

My heart sinks for you and how difficult this must be. I don't have a comment about bullying but about being in the English stream of a French Immersion School. Our children both attended our local dual track French Immersion Elementary School, both went through the french side and enjoyed it, loved their time there. However, over the years it became very clear to me that the "frenchies" and the "english" kids didn't mix, even kids in the same grade (of course there were exceptions, but I am talking overall and my experience with this school). The parents of the "frenchies" were almost totally in control of the school council etc., With the growing popularity of choosing french immersion the school was split approx 3/4 french vs. a 1/4 in english. So my point is, if your son's school has a larger proportion of kids in the french program he may well be in a school with lots of kids, but his chances of making friends, socializing etc., may be reduced in a way that may not have been immediately obvious to you as a parent choosing that particular school. I know over the years I thought that if my kids weren't in the french immersion program I would not have wanted them to go to this particulary school and be in the minority. Just some food for thought.

Oh and if my son had his way, he's 16 now, we would have made sure he did the "Canadian" sports, not just soccer, soccer, he jokes that we failed him in that area.

Tirytory

Thanks for responses.

Weird response teacher is a supply for last few weeks, he did say his other more stricter teacher wouldn't have let it go.

Siouxie- he doesn't want to do rugby but there are no local junior rugby teams here.

Minstrels...thank you. Constructive advice.... I completely understand what you're saying about that school, but the other school compares so poorly I feel caught between the devil and deep blue sea so to speak. Plus I don't know it would actually be better socially. The sports thing has crossed our mind. Tbh other than ice hockey (9 yr old is like bambi on ice) I'm not sure what else we'd go for....any suggestions?

Oink

Thats the problem with dragging your children half around the world and removing them from their family and friends because your life has become somewhat monotonous and stale. When people say "its for the kids", it rarely is, its usually in spite of the kids.

Partially discharged

Our kids have been in duel track schools here in Ottawa and they are in the french immersion stream. Even now, few of their friends are in the english stream at the schools they are at.

There definitely was a sense that the french immersion kids parents felt that there little Tyler/MacKenzie/Mikaela/Meghan/Ethan's were better/smarter than the english stream kids. The french immersion kids parents were more involved in school activities and school council and fought tooth and nail if any school catchment area proposals came up.

This is in Ottawa, but I imagine it is fairly common across Canada.

Siouxie

Baseball http://www.bracebridgeminorball.com/?page_id=868
Lacrosse http://www.hawkslacrosse.ca/page/sho...45-minor-hawks
Basketball
Canadian football (not soccer)
Soccer http://www.bracebridgesoccer.net/

Hockey will help him make friends that will last for years - he will get better the more he skates.

Tirytory

And if you'd like to read my previous posts Oink you big wind up merchant they would clearly state that it wasn't for the kids, it was mainly because of husbands job, which in that regard has worked out. He's happier and more in control here. Me, I think I could make a life here if both husband and son were happier, but equally loved my home. Daughter too small to get a vote. I don't really feel like this is overwhelmingly better place for us to bring up kids. Maybe we chose the wrong spot. Should have made schools top of the list of priorities.

Tirytory

Yes, I think this is sadly true. The English stream is a small catchment and does cover some very impoverished areas. Plus we did hear that English stream in that type of school does catch the kids that can't keep up with French or maybe have potential behavioural issues. Honestly the second choice looks awful too though


Thanks Siouxie!!! I'm on it!

Siouxie

Are there no other schools in the area that he could attend? Perhaps by moving (in Bracebridge)?

http://eqaoweb.eqao.com/eqaoweborgpr...ublic%20School

This one looks like they have fewer 'special needs' students than other schools:
http://eqaoweb.eqao.com/eqaoweborgpr...nt=3813&Lang=E http://mac.tldsb.on.ca/

http://eqaoweb.eqao.com/eqaoweborgpr...nt=3816&Lang=E

Minstrels87

So sports priority #1, take skating lessons! Canadian kids (on the whole) can skate, we put ours in lessons in Grade 1 & 2 so that if they ever needed to be able to do it socially they could, they could join in etc., if necessary. Our son has mentioned on numerous times over the years that he wishes we had put him in hockey, we didn't because we are soccer loving English folk, on reflection we should have let him try it. There is a hierachy in sports and where I live the "hockey boys" rule, or at least that is what I am constantly told!

Other sports to pay attention to as they come up are basketball (that came up in Grade 5 for our son) and football (the american kind). I am not sure what age that starts, but our son in Grade 11 is going to give it a try as he has been told as a soccer player he may make a good kicker. It's his last chance to try "football" so we are going along with it. Clearly it would have been better to try this out sooner. Thinking now days is leaning towards kids trying out different sports rather than focusing on just one. Where we are rugby is a high school sport.

Back to the french vs. english thing, generally speaking parents who put their kids in french immersion tend to have made an active decision about their kids education. At my kids school the parents tended to be older and better educated, the english stream kids were the "local" kids. So if the school your son is in is the better to two evils I would get myself on the parent school council pronto, so I can see first hand how thing are organized etc., and of course have a say in it. Being on the parent school council when your kids are in elementary is a very good way of getting to know the teachers / principal and of course other parents. My kids liked me being involved and having a finger on the pulse of what was going on.

Hope that helps!

jamesmc

i really feel for you its hard to take when your kids are unhappy.
We too live in a dual language area and have seen the "our kids learn in french" so must be more intelligent than the English only stream attitudes certain people have.
I agree 100% with the Hockey /skating idea and also why not join a local karate or similar club.
also dont let the school get away with ignoring the bully problem!!
jimmy