Hi everyone,

Me again pikin your brains

Just wondered if anyone here has had to go through a custody case to take their child with them. Will have to go through that process as my ex-husband will not give his consent for me to take my son with me and my husband.

Would really appreciate any comments to help with my case.

We want to make this move there to give my son and us better quality and standard of living.

Thanks

Sher

There are some people on here who have re-married and have taken their children from their first marriage to Canada but I have no idea what their situations are, but they may be able to give you some helpful advice.

I do feel sorry for everyone in these sorts of circumstances and I have to say I would fight tooth and nail to stop my child being removed from my country, so if your ex-husband feels like this then you may have a heck of a battle on your hands.

Do you think your son will indeed have a better quality of life without his father? I'm not criticising, as we all have to make our own decisions but I would not want to take my children far away from their father if him and I were ever to get divorced.

Hi Tiaribbon,

I would never consider it if it was just for the sake of it, i just feel that as a family we would have a better life, I have always enjoyed seeing wot i have in canada from my visits there and from friends living there, the fact that there is this feeling of community and family awareness, here my son cannot even play outside becuz we leave more or less near the main road and children here in my area are not the type that i would like my son to be influenced by. I will always make sure my son has contact regularly and at least 3 times a year visit and his father would be welcome any time to visit.

I really wasn't criticising you and I realise that you are having to make a very difficult decision as well as try to do the very best for your family, but it will be very difficult for your son and his father to have a good relationship that far apart.

Ultimately you all need to sit down with a list of the pro's and cons and maybe try to solve this problem amicably - wouldn't your ex-husband consider moving out there too? Or is it him you are trying to get away from? Do you have a good relationship with your ex-husband and if so then perhaps you could invite him round for a meal one night and explain to him why you believe that this is a positive move for your son.

When we finally move, we will be leaving our 20 year old twin boys and I feel really bad about that. There are a lot of nice people on here who have had to make sacrifices but you are right that you must try to make the best choice for the long-term future of you all as a family.

Beleive me, i have tried to talk to him amicable and got nowehere, I have tried explaining why and my reasons and according to him i am being selfish and only doing this for myself and my husband. I have always maintained a good communication level with my son's father to make sure my son did not suffer in between. When ever he has asked for contact, i have always agreed and encouraged it. The contact arrangement were agreed out of court ( that is how reasonable i have been). I just feel that my ex husband is not seeing wots in it for my son but the fact that he wont see him. If he loved his son he would consider if the move is good for my son's future.

I know. It is so difficult. Unfortunately he is probably very afraid that he will lose contact with his son and not "live" him growing up. I can see it from both sides and I really don't envy being in either of your shoes. I just know that I really would fight all the way to make sure my child didn't leave the country. You know how you would feel if he had custody and told you that he was planning to take your child at least 3,000 miles away. He is probably feeling devastated right now, to be honest most close family members are initially. My Mum was so upset when I told her about it, but now 2 years on she has accepted it really well, to the point of getting quite excited about coming out to see our farm. She is sad that she won't see as much of her grand-daughter but as I pointed out to her she only sees her a couple of times a year anyway as they live quite a few hundred miles away from us now.

I really hope that your ex-husband over time can see the benefits of moving to Canada. Very best of luck. These thing are never easy at the best of times.

can i just say that yes it is very very sad for any child to be taken away from either parent and i completely understand that any father should fight to the bitter end for their kid. BUT every story is different and i know mine was very straight forward in getting them to canada because basically my ex knew if i went to canada then i would have to sell the house and he would get his share of the proceeds. its only now, almost a year since that sale that he is realising what hes done.

i know a few weeks ago there was someone who basically posted a reply to something i said about taking the kids saying i should have sorted out custody etc before i left the uk. this was never an issue with me as my ex, though not said it outright, would never cope with the kids for more than a week and has proved this on many an occasion. he was violent when we were together and had a police warning for beating my dad up 3 years ago. although i know he would never harm the kids he has never given them much of a warm fuzzy feeling which is why i knew i was making the right decision.

i feel for fathers i really do who have to give up their kids with a fight but please remember that everbodys experiences are different. had i stayed in the uk just to make him happy their lives would never be as rich and fulfilling as it is now. if i had had any doubts atall about their future i wouldnt have made that move, not even for the love of my new husband. us mothers who take our kids away from their fathers are doing it mainly for their future and trying our best to better it for them.

sorry if ive offended any dads out there but split marraiges and chances to emigrate are a fact of life nowadays.

Has anyone actually mentioned where the immigration people come into all this. I know for a fact from people that i work with, that even the passport offices here, want to see documents showing full custody before they issue passports for the kids to leave the country.

Hi there,

I understand that at some point during my application porcess the immigration dept will ask to see custody papers for my son and that is why i am going through a court case soon to sort this out before i'am asked by cic.

in the uk now i was told that they prefer to do joint custody. there was never any paperwork saying that i have full custody of the kids so we class it as joint. i do have though a court order which basically states that he gave his permission for the kids to be taken out of the uk with a contact order being drawn up.

Okey Dokey !

That court order was very paramount in your case, without that, am sure you won't have been able to bring them here.

surprisingly, I'm gonna agree with mick on this one.

No British judge is gonna let your British citizen kid leave the UK against the wishes of a British Citizen parent. Should he wish to persue it that far. An amicable agreement between yourselves and with a court order settling the contract is the way to go.
it sucks I know, but that's the way it goes.

I needed a full notarized statement from my wife to allow my daughter to go to the UK with me, as she is American and my wife is too.
The USa and UK authorities both asked for it. We weren't even emigrating, just going back for a visit.

You came all the way to this forum to agree with me, that is a surprise indeed. Not that it makes a difference to me if anyone agrees with me or not !

yes thats true. i had an incident when i went to canada for the first time on holiday 2 years ago. i had to change flights at newark to get my connection to toronto and had to go through immigration. they questioned me as to the fathers whereabouts and whether or not he knew we were there. i told him that it was all ok with him and he had copies of the flight tickets etc sent via his lawyer. he then proceeded to question my then 6 year old daughter as to where her father was. she is very shy and stood there sucking on her fingers while the immigration guy started telling her she wasnt very forthcoming and to tell him the truth. i felt so awful for her. i told him that his number was in the kids passports and would he please go and call him. with that he stamped the passprts and threw them back at me and shouted next.

i understand they have their jobs to do and thank god that they do prevent some kids from being taken out of the country illegally but my poor daughter was really upset at the way he talked to her. when i told them about it in halifax airport they were pretty disgusted at the behaviour of the guy but said let it be a warning to go prepared next time. and oh yes it was a good warning as i carry the court order and a letter from him with me now!!