Sally Redux

What a sad story. Doesn't sound like you have any interest in your wife.

Jack_Judge

No, I had no interest at all in her for the nine years we lived in the UK where she was a teacher and I was supporting her, paying her rent and buying the twice yearly return tickets to Vancouver (business class when times were better).
No interest at all when I watched her being resusitated *twice* during childbirth. And you know there aren't many moments when you get to man up in your life, but having a nurse thrust your hour old son into your arms while you watch the crash team try and save your wifes life... that's gonna put hairs on your chest.
On the flip side of course when the nurse tells you that your wife's gonna be okay and you just blub like a girly girl, yeah guess I lost man points for that.

The point being of course that now we're in Vancouver and I'm the one in need, there's no support. Not just from her but from anyone. So I'm standing on my own, a very long way from anyone who gives a damn, my earning potential and being good at my job are all I've got to fall back on.

And you guys of course, let's not forget that.

happyhammers

I apologies to nose in on your thread mate and are sorry for your predicament that you have now found yourself in.
Unless you've had a right touch in your life, for most of us its just the same old bollocks aint it. Plenty of curve balls coming our way always throws a spanner in the works, one thing I've found though mate is that you've always got a choice.

Its like another poster said that you could man-up but don't take that as a put down, to me it just means enough is enough I'm gona do something about this situation. Hang in there man, as for the Micky Duff (slang) it will always take the edge off the sharpness mate

MillieF

You sound lonely and stuck, and just sometimes life gets like that, but you can change things...even if it's just your own perception of your situation. Over the years, I've seen a number of people on here in love and out of love with both their marriages and Canada. I doubt that there are vast numbers of us on here for whom the transition and move to Canada has gone swimmingly from day one, or indeed at all. I think most of us on here, have to some extent, had periods of great unhappiness. I think it's a price that you pay for moving here.

You've only been here 18 months it isn't a long time and it can take much longer to settle. I will have been here two years in August, and am no where near feeling settled.

When you cried when your wife nearly died, I'm presuming it's because you loved her? Do you not anymore? Are you just going through a bad patch in your marriage? I think that too is pretty par for the course...it's dreadful when you are in that place emotionally, but it's possible to come out the other side. Your wife can't be happy either, knowing that you feel so sad.

Very best wishes.

Eddmac

I guess as you're posting on here, you're looking for people's tuppence worth, so hers mine.
You seem fixated on money, there's more to life than money. You seem to measure your own self worth based on your hourly rate, again I would ask you to take a more balanced look at your life.

I have a young son and I am in the process of moving to Canada as I think it would be a better place for him to grow up, I also think it will be a better place for us all as a family.

I think you need to look outside your work and find some life to lead, Vancouver is a beautiful place and there are many things to do and places to see within a short distance, why don't you try using some of your wife's (and your ) support network (aka family) get them to mind your son on occasion and spend some time together? Take a trip, have a chillaxing weekend, go bungie jumping, whatever floats your boat, but do it together. Who knows, you might find what brought you together in the first place!

I have turned down several job offers and promotions, as I knew they would lead to me having no time for my family, you talk about wanting to be a dad?, well be one, take your family out, go for a walk on the beach, go see Butchart gardens, go for a trip up the Rockies etc etc and stop fixating on your hourly rate.

To be honest, $55 an hour doesn't sound bad, I think you could live a decent life on that, maybe you won't be buying Ferrari's every year, but hey, there's more to life. Yes you could earn more elsewhere, but as I said before, money's not everything.

I really hope you get over your hump, as your life sounds like it could be really good if you let it.

iaink

Its a rough one. Hang in there. Couple of thoughts. Give it more time. With little kids it's good to have family to call on. Thats something we missed out on. In a couple off years you can get citizenship which opens up the US market. Also are you self employed? Seems with your CV you should be able to charge a premium as an independent contractor.

You need to make your other half appreciate how miserable you are. If you are unhappy its bound to have an effect on those around you, some sort of compromise might be possible so that both of you can can make the best of it. You obviously care deeply for your family. Dont let the resentment eat away at that.

iaink

Also, just as a reality check it doesn't have to be either / or. There are many here who would give their eye teeth to be with their family in Vancouver earning $55/hr.
Make the best of what you have while you work to make it better.Enjoy being a dad in one of the most beautiful places on earth. Enjoy these years because they will fly by in the blink of an eye. Kids grow up so fast, and they dont judge you by how much you earn!

Aviator

It is?

Maybe your clock was out by 2 hours? Vancouver is - 8 hours (Zulu -7 on PDT).

dbd33

Well there's an economical outing!

Eddmac

Well, if the poor guy only makes $55 an hour, every penny counts!

scrubbedexpat091

Not sure how anyone could not be happy with 55/hr, that's a nice chunk of change.

I'd be heaven with that kind of money.

iaink

Right, but presumably you didn't give up earning 55GBP. to come here to earn half as much

Eddmac

Iain, I think the point here would be to see the positives and not the negatives. $55 should buy you a good lifestyle there and leave you time to be with your family, seeing as that was one of the points that was emphasised. If the OP focuses on how much he has lost (money) over what he has gained (family, beautiful country and the time to enjoy both) then he's not gonna be a happy bunny.

iaink

I agree, I was just pointing out why he is in that frame of mind.

dbd33

You'd think, but it's never so simple. For example, my alimony payment is $21/hr so, while I'd like to retire to a $55/hr job, it's not a realistic option.