Hi all
We have recently landed in T.O. after years of waiting for PR. We are here for just another week befor heading back to Ireland to finish selling the house etc.

Thing is, after all the anticipation of getting PR, and all the excitement of getting the visas etc, now that I'm here, I'm beginning to wonder if it's really right after all! It may just be fickle female syndrome, but as I look around at the fairly unappealing countryside and the even less the appealing subdivisions, big box stores etc, all completely devoid of any character I'm starting to ask myself is the price of an outdoor lifestyle etc too high? We have crisscrossed all over the outer Toronto area, and with a few impossibly priced exceptions, it all seems to be the same.

We've been here loads of times before and made the decision to emmigrate based on all the sound reasons that most of you have also had, so I won't go in to them, but I'm not on holiday this time and although we spent Easter up in cottage country (where we have been on many of our previous visists too), the reality is that my new life will be down in the 'burbs and they just don't feel very appealing! I know it's not the prettist time of year, and maybe it's just mild culture shock, but I'm having difficulty imagining myself here. We have contemplated living more in to the city (ie uptown), as it has more buzz, but not sure it would suit our kids - it's the outdoor stuff on our doorstep that we all came for. Plus I NEED a big garden (keen gardener!)

Before you all say try somewhere else, my husband has already had a job interview with the Canadian branch of his firm in Markham and it went really well.... Of course if they want to take him on, then things become more certain and perhaps I will feel more positive, but right now I'm starting to wobble a bit! He is still committed to making the move.

Is what I'm going through normal? I have lived abroad before, but to be honest I never gave it as much thought at the time as I did moving to Canada (no kids then). Which of course makes it all the harder to comprehend why I feel this way. I'm so scared of making a mistake - not the leaving part but the choice of destination.

Any moral support greatly appreciated!
Snowqueen

[QUOTE=snowqueen]Hi all
We have recently landed in T.O. after years of waiting for PR. We are here for just another week befor heading back to Ireland to finish selling the house etc.

Thing is, after all the anticipation of getting PR, and all the excitement of getting the visas etc, now that I'm here, I'm beginning to wonder if it's really right after all!

Hi snowqueen,give it time,it will be a huge change for you and your family.We HOPE to get out next year but I have been having thoughts similar to yours,all these delays give you time to think.
Friends of ours moved out two years ago and were where you are now,second thoughts.They have worked hard,two years on and they have got jobs,more friends than they had here,just bought their first home and say they would never give up what they have now.
I bet you will not be the first or last to feel this way once all the excitement ect.has past,knowing me I'll be the one asking for moral support come next year.I have only been on this forum a short time but I have found out things we didn't know and there is always someone more than willing to help if they can.
I hope it all works out for you,

Michelle

Hi,
in short - Yes, it's perfectly normal! You say you have only just landed - give it time, it's a huge change. Summer arriving will likely help - everything looks better in the sunshine. I was all over the place for the first three years (still am sometimes, and I'm in my thirteenth year ) Keep your chin up and hang in there; at least for a while yet!

What you have is called homesickness my dear and it will be with you for a while yet. hang in there and try not to let it get to you, I had homesickness for 2 years after I came but eventually one day you realise that you havent had those pangs of doubt for a while.
what makes it easier? making Canada home, job, freinds, a house to call your own, and always a little peice of home, a english comedy dvd, some imported chocolate. But mainly its integrating into your new country and finding the best parts of it.
Good luck to you and keep your chin up.

Cor blimey woman you'll be telling us next you had doubts about being married next.


But you had a few ups and downs then as you will now. When you go back to Ireland drive to a similar looking town\area as you live in. Then think about moving into it for the scenery. Of course you wouldn't, would you? As you probably would have read on here "Homesickness" strikes at anytime an in the strangest of ways. (Get those recipes for all the food you eat most often packed. )

So a "Deep Breath" and head first into new life, after all your marriage produce a few good moments didn't it.

Hi Snowqueen

I can identify with your feelings. After two years of planning and obsessing about our move to Canada, we arrived in London, Ont. and I hated it! I couldn't believe that I felt that way as I had no great ties to the UK and had travelled most of my life so I knew what it was like to move and start over.

I wasn't very impressed with the scenery, towncentre (ha!), ugly architecture etc. In my mind I really wanted the advantages of living in London as well as the Rockies and the ocean, with a lake and a cottage thrown in for good measure! I have come to realise that I am a 'grass is greener on the otherside' kind of person and that if I don't settle somewhere I will always be on the move as I will continually be on the look out for something/somewhere better! This is probably a common character trait of a lot of expats

Anyway, I gradually adjusted (although not very graciously at first) to living here and I now appreciate the benefits/reasons for moving here in the first place. I am still very fond of all the places I have lived in for various reasons but wouldn't necessarily want to live in them again as they wouldn't suit me now. For now, being here suits myself and my family. We like the different seasons - especially the summers, kids activities and the lakes! Our reasons for moving here are very similar to most expats to Canada from what I can tell. While it was very difficult at first, I have now adjusted to living here. I put up with the negatives and appreciate the positives as I now realise that nowhere is perfect. Everywhere has its pros and cons.

What I am trying to say is that it sounds as if you are already looking at Canada without the rose coloured specs because it is all becoming a reality. I personally think this is part of culture shock. Try to consider your initial reasons for wanting to move and question whether you could still achieve your goals despite your current feelings. How would you feel if you stopped everything and settled where you are right now? Would you regret it? Is it worth giving up what you have to realise those goals? I had to ask myself these questions when I was going through all my doubts. I realised that I had to give it a try as I wouldn't be satisfied until I at least knew one way or another. I am glad I did. Having been here for two years, I have now made new friends, the kids are happy in their school, I am starting to work at last and I can appreciate the positives of being here. Here is good for us right now and I am glad I took the chance. It was the right decision for us.

However I do understand the feelings you are having and why you are having them. I know it might not look too pretty at the moment with the change in seasons but Ontario is really just beginning to blossom so it will look better in a couple of weeks and the weather will be fab. I know what you mean about the burbs! We looked for an older subdivision with larger plots and more trees etc. The downside is that you might have to repair and renovate sooner rather than later, but I find the older neighbourhoods to be prettier and that is more important to me than a brand new house. It just depends on what you prefer.

Well, I've rambled on for long enough but I just want to reassure you that you are not going crazy .

Chris

We have returned to Canada after a long absence, and I can sympathise with you, we only been back a couple of months and I've had concerns since day one, it's just so blah, we have mountain vistas in the distance, but the landscape is flat and boring, the tallest thing outside of the city is street lamps and traffic lights! We want to be happy where we live and we obviously need pleasant surroundings not roof tops and boxes, and yes the landscape out west sounds just like the landscape in the east, dont consider the move as a permanent one, in that you wouldn't live in Ireland somewhere you didn't like, so why move to another country and do that, life's too short, so you need to be as happy as possible. You may get used to the surroundings, but they won't change! Good luck with your decision.

Thanks everyone for your support/advice. I know that no-one is forcing me to do this, so I have to be happy with my choice of place to live, but I am also starting to realise that it is just not possible to get everything perfect, unless perhaps you are rich and retired! (Maybe that's what I am working towards!) It has been a bit of shock to realise how "blah' everything really is (good description farfromhome) but do you know what?, A lot of the UK and Ireland is blah too when you come down to it. It's just different blah! And even in the few days since I wrote my original post, the place has started to green up with all the rain we've had and it's started to feel more familiar!!

I guess a lot of it is about adjustment, and accepting a new 'normal'. I probably won't even notice this kind of stuff in a few months as I'll be so busy with my life. Certainly I am more than encouraged that we have made the right decision for the kids - there is so much for them here and I can really see them loving it. So the asthetics of the towns might not be as quaint as in England, but everything else is positive, so I'm hanging in for the moment and feeling a whole lot more positive these last few days. I guess this is the sort of emotional roller coaster that one goes through!

By the way, farfromhome, are you in Vancouver or more inland? I would be interested to know if (apart from the backdrop) Vancouver is the same. (just in case my husband gets a transfer there instead!)

Thanks again for all the moral support guys.
Snowqueen

Hi
You are not alone in your concerns but stick in there. It will easily take a year to settle and feel in the slightest at home.
The trouble is that of course everything is just 'different' and it takes time for that to become your norm and after a while you won't see the hanging wires or the cramped subdivisions, but you will notice the wide variety of activities for the kids, the changing seasons and other opportunities to live a changed life.

Stick with it and no matter whether you stay 2 years or forever it will be a great adventure for you and great life experience for your kids.

Good Luck!

Gordoon

Hi, no not Vancouve, Calgary. Although Vancouver has it flat areas, the mountains are much closer so it's not a distant view. Glad you feel better about your pending move and while it is greening up here also, we know that all too soon winter will be here again and that just does nothing for us, while it's nice to ski and skate etc. you still have to deal with the winter and all the day to day activities, so be prepared.

You know I think second thoughts are very normal. I remember our trips here to Niagara Falls to find a house to rent while we checked the city out and settled into a new job. It was so ugly. Now I am used to it and we like where we purchased our house. The ugly part is still ugly, but we don't go there.

I remember coming back from the UK 20 years ago. Everyone looked so propserous, but the growth in the sprawl was incredible. Also, it was very brown as I came back in March.

There is a different style of living, but if you can give it some time, like anywhere new, you will find your groove.

Hi,
an interesting thread and relevant to me..
I am moving to Montreal to start a research position at McGill university on May 20th and therefore am thinking a lot about the move - whether I'll be happy, whether I am making a mistake to move so far away from friends and family, and Britain.. I was wondering whether the expats over there could suggest 'ways to cope' with the 'culture shock'? Would you say that it is better not to compare things with britain and just try to accept things as they are (i.e. different)? Is dealing with the change more to do with mental attitude than anything else?

Hi Snowqueen, I have followed your posts over the last year and I am sorry you are feeling so confused. It is so hard to imagine how life would be over there when over here. We have not yet made the move (still waiting ), but so much of my time and energy goes into thinking about it! We have visited Canada a few times now, and there are many reasons why we want to make the move, but every now and again I have a complete panic - is it the right thing to do? Will we settle? Will everything work out? Silly things set me off - quaint old English villages, for example - will I miss them?? I have no solutions, but I am sure what you are experiencing is normal. I hope things start to feel a little more like home for you.

The British things you know and love won't go away, so my recommendation would be to try not to do the 'comparison' thing as much as possible (thugh it is natural to do it in the early days). Instead throw yourself into 'Canadian' life..it is the only way to really find out if you would want to live here and to get the most out of living here.
So...go skating, skiing go to a 'cottage', fish, snowmobile, drink Molson, support hockey, drink maple syrup and say 'eh' at the end of every third sentence....throw yourself into it and see if you like it.

Good luck and enjoy Canada!

I think you'll find that by then you don't have your health.

It's often said that at any point in your life you can have only two out of weath, health and time. Now wouldn't it be nice to be able to borrow money from your older self (some kind of time-travelling inheritance?) so you could be young, healthy and rich.

K.