I word of advice to all those of you considering the move to Canada, or anywhere for that matter, please ensure you are really certain before you start off otherwise life may turn out worse than you ever imagined.

Let me tell you my sorry story.
Three years ago we decided it might be time to leave this country, even though we are in a pretty nice place we could see the chavs and louts, the binge drinking and general negativism to school and work influencing our son, the lack of opportunities etc.. All the normal reasons listed on here.

After a holiday to Vancouver, we really liked the place, visited a cousin who was really happy, we could see the benefits of moving to Canada and so we decided to fill in the forms and join the PR queue.

I tried to get a transfer with my employer who has offices all over Canada, nearly made it a couple of times.
The wife and I both researched places in BC, AB and MB where my employer is based.
I also spent the time hunting and applying for jobs, joining all the job web sites but without any success.

Finally, this year an employer in Kelowna showed some interest. We got on the Internet and found out all we could, the wife described it as “like paradise”. Finally I got an interview and it looked pretty good. She said she wouldn’t come because she didn’t want the kids to miss school. I didn’t think anything of it so off I went, fell in love with the place and got the job.

I came back all excited and then she dropped the bomb shell. She didn’t want to go anymore, she’s not adventurous enough, its too much of a risk, the children won’t cope, they won’t make any friends, it will damage their education, a bigger house would mean more house work(!), no one would visit us, how will I cope with less holiday, we were silly to even think we could do this. In my absence she had passed her negativity on to the kids as well.
She wouldn’t go and visit, she wouldn’t even consider a year’s trial, renting our house, her boss even offered to manage our affairs in the UK for us, for free.

I was devastated, and stupidly turned the job down (due to sudden change in personal circumstances). I’ve regretted it every day since and am very depressed. I’m mad with myself because we’ve thrown away a chance of a life time, I’m mad with her for stringing me along for so long. One day she was dead keen the next day she was dead against. We haven’t made up yet and the atmosphere in the house is not good.

So be warned, make sure you are both committed to the move before you start!

it was similar for me, i got my offer last year, and my girlfriend (wife in 2 weeks) all of a sudden changed her mind, but i kept it on the back burner with my employer, and after our 2nd child she changed her mind.

We are now going over in august, about 16 months after my initial job offer.

Keep the faith, and you never know it still may happen.

Sorry to hear that David, women eh !

Oh Dear

What a sorry mess for you !! You must feel more than deflated by all of this.

Time is a great way to prove your point about Canada - we had the opportunity to nearly 14 years ago and never. It took us until hubby lost a very well paid job before we did anything more about.

Maybe your OH has lost a bit of her nerve (naturally, my bottle has gone a few times) someone may have put the negativity into her (did she speak with my mom who is dead against all of this).

What I am trying to say is give her time and let her look around and when something goes wrongs or happens in the UK discuss what things would have been like had you gone to Canada.

Just dont ram it down her neck.

Gay
x

Well this advice is probably too late for you, but to others who are contemplating emigrating I would say that you must always ask yourself whether your marriage is more important than where you live. I considered fairly on in the process that there was always a possibility that my OH might change his mind, but I decided, and I told him that I would live anywhere as long as we had each other.

This might sound a bit soppy to some but once you have accepted that this is how you feel then you won't be so disappointed if it doesn't all happen the way you hoped.

I hope you will be able to accept your wife's change of heart as she really hasn't done it to intentionally hurt you. She is probably just as distressed as your are.

Exactly...............she is scared and unsure, and worrying for your children.........all the things us woman do best !!!!
Don't be too hard on her. A little love and support may go further in talking her around, than being angry and blaming her for your lost opportunity.
Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but if it is meant to be, maybe another opportunity will be a round the corner in the months or years to come.

Oh and maybe look at it another way. If you'd have 'dragged' her there when she really doesn't want to do it, and things are a struggle, she can't settle, kids are unhappy, you miss your family............all the things us expats may have to contend with from time to time....imagine then how she would feel. Probably worse than you are feeling right now. At least you are 'home', in the country you know. Things could seem so much harder when you are out of your comfort zone.

Maybe you need to put the whole idea on the back burner for the time being, and concentrate on getting your marriage back on track. Just my observations.

Thats a real shame because Kelowna is a lovely place to live. I took my wife there and the place is amazing. The kids would be very happy in Canada.
It was our plan to live in Kelowna as we fell deeply in love with the area but we were concerned about finding meaninful work. As fate had it we meaningfulwith a very good job in the Lower Mainland and have not looked back since landing in January. Perhaps one day will get to Kelowna, at least we now have the option to retire there in a few years!
My wife felt similar at times to what your wife had felt but we took the risks and it was tough for the first month or so. Now we just are very glad we made the move, I like my work once again, the wife has made lots of new friends and the kids love it here but it has to work for all involved. I think your wife just got cold feet which we all get at some stage.

If it is meant to be........! Hang on in there if your wife wants to talk to someone whohas made the move feel free to who has

Others have said it but if it's meant to be it's meant to be rings true here. Almost 2 years ago we were about to go over to Canada, on a working visa sponsored by the company who were at the time the financial backers for my business. We had buyers for the house, arranged removals and a rental in Montreal, where the backers had an office. Then at the last moment the financial backers went bankrupt (heavily publicised in financial industry, but the chairman hide a US $450 mln loss). We therefore lost the WP, pulled out of house sale cancelled everything and felt devastated. However, our PR application was already in and we knew further done the line the opportunity would come up again.


We are currently awaiting calls for our medicals, we have sold the house again for £100,000 more than last time. I have new financial backers now who are happy for me to trade from home, therefore we can settle whereever we want (no longer restricted to certain locations), i also trade for a hedge fund now aswell, so career wise things have developed. With Montreal our biggest concern was putting the children into immersion school, no longer a problem. In the last 18 months we have had plenty of opportunity to visit Canada and make sure we found a location the whole family was happy with, the wife and kids are really looking forward to our new life.

When things look their bleakest, the situation can only improve. You are probably very upset at the moment the wife may after time and visits realise she is mistaken, however i would advise you to involve the kids in everything. If they are keen on the move then that is half the battle. Why not ask members on this forum with kids the simular age to communicate via messenger with your kids. Then further down the road arrange a family visit, having people you and the family already know over there may convince your wife that things will be a lot easier than she currently believes.

But remember I]if it's meant to be it's meant to be[/I]

Hope that helps


Chris

Sorry to hear about your situation. Not sure if this will make you feel better but we moved to Vancouver in 2004 for the first 2 years we enjoyed it. In the 3rd year we decided it wasn't for us long term. Main reasons were:

Husbands job prospects were dire, no career prospects for him.
We all really missed family.
Kids education has been a serious problem for us.
Worse off than we were in England.

We've been trying to go back to England for a while now and the bloody house just won't sell. My husband is already working in London and I'm miserable stuck here with the kids, so do I think our time here was worth it for all the hassle I'm going through now? NO!

3 of my friends who moved to Canada and Oz all split from their partners as the move has put terrible strains on their marriage (thankfully mine is stronger from the move, so that's a blessing). I have spoken to so many people who have moved over here, married Canadians and are stuck here because they have kids that are under 18. I just think people don't realise the consequences of emmigrating.

Don't want to be too gloomy but there are many people who move over and love it here but it's just not for everyone.

Well, I'm not the best person to give you any advice, and while I agree with what people have said in response to your post, my view is:

1. You will never know what it would have been like.

2. Thousands of people 'live the dream' every year and are very successfull in doing so.

3. Even if your wife changes her mind and decides to go in later life, it might be too late by then to make the jump.

4. At the very least you should give it a try. Emigrating is not for everyone and if it fails, so what?? At least in your heart, you know you gave it 110%!! You will be living your life with 'what if we....?' and 'If only we had....'

Hope my advice helps, but at the end of the day,you can listen to my advice or not, it is up to you.....

You only have one life, give it your best shot and if moving to Canada gives you a better quality of life whilst you are on this earth, then so be it!!!

Hope you live your dream in whatever you decide to do.

Thanks

Brian

I agree with Brian

I am in a similar position with my wife although we haven't fallen out about it.
She has concerns about the timing of our childrens education and missing her family with which she is very close.
I often worry that when the time comes she may say no.
Throughout our life together (21years) most of the ideas that have help us improve our lifestyle have mainly come from her and she has been the rock by my side to achieve them.

I really dont know what I would do if she decided against it and I wouldnt like to force her to go.

All I can suggest is to remember it's not a one way ticket, give it a go, give it a chance and if it doesn't work out quite as well as expected, then you can always return, maybe with less money, maybe without a job in England but you will still be together and if you didn't live the dream you experienced the adventure.


Best wishes hope all works well.

For everyone.