Marksheffield

Hi Guys

Im looking at moving over to Vancouver with in the motortrade and hoping that on here there might be one or two car sales execs that could provide rough earnings and quality of work life balance company car info and generally exchange infomation around the business

Plus this is the cover letter im emailing to all dealerships in Vancouver your thoughts on greatfuly taken on board

"Dear Sir / Madam,

My self and my family are looking to emigrate to Canada in the near future,

Mercedes Benz Vancouver is my new Employment Dream! Why? I have been uplifted and excited about what appears to be a fantastic supportive and energy driven environment. I have been in sales and sales management most of my adult life and am fed up with the majority of businesses and their lack of care for the people who make their business work. I want and need a challenge to show how I can excel in my chosen field and I want to work for a company that can support me and more importantly be open to and embrace new ideas. I want Mercedes Benz Vancouver to be my home for the future.

I set up my own business a couple of years ago supplying Rolls Royce's, Bentley's, Porsche's,Ferrari's, Lamborghini's etc and had not had the opportunity to be secure enough before we were hit by financial challenges the world over as a result the business went under and I lost my house, cars and a lot else but I never lost my drive. An experience like this makes you stronger and I am the type of person who thrives in challenging situations and learns from all of my experiences.

A company like Mercedes Benz Vancouver need a team of people who are able to learn continuously as market trends change, new products appear and clients needs grow on a daily basis and people who can oversee these, spot the needed areas of change and assess what impact these changes have on the business and help create strategies to make the most of these opportunities. I am positive I am the correct person to do this.

I have great personal skills and pride myself in the development of all relationships both internal and external. I use proven NLP style techniques to help me create a quick rapor with both team members and clients alike. I love to have the challenge of achieving targets and do this with much energy and help to install the fun in the sales process.

I am a dedicated, enthusiastic, passionate and confident person and am committed to helping create success. I am fun and adventurous and believe that you have to do everything well and with a smile that will inspire others to do the same.

I have attached a copy of my resume for your consideration

At this point i'm currently looking at finding employment before applying for a visa as this is a large factor in a visa been granted but if this is not possible I will look into other areas of entry

I hope to hear from you in good time any help or advice would be greatly received"


Many Thanks

Mark

Butch Cassidy

Thoughts? Dont double post and follow the link you were given in the other (almost identical) post you made.

Other than that, Good luck and welcome.

JonboyE

A few thoughts on the cover letter. The first is it is too long. I lost interest halfway through.

Too passive. My self and my family are emigrating to Canada.

I'm not in sales so maybe I am not used to the way sales people write these sorts of letters, but this sounds like BS. How do you know?

A rule of thumb about the job application process in Canada is that you never badmouth previous employers. Keep everything positive.

Cut this out completely. Sure, mention that you have sold high-end vehicles but not this. An employer is going to think, "he lost his own business and now he wants me to pay him to lose mine." As I said, keep everything positive.

If I am a Mercedes dealer I want to employ someone who sells cars.

This is fine. The problem is that the letter is in the bin by now because the dealer wants to hire someone who can sell cars, and you haven't told him/her if you can.

If it wasn't in the bin before it is now. Why on earth would the employer go to all the bother? You have not yet made a compelling case to hire you even if you could start work tomorrow. Even if they were thinking this is the man we need they are now thinking you are not allowed to work. The least weak way to say this is something like, "I will be happy to explain the simple documentation needed ..."

No. I WILL be in Vancouver on ..... At worst, I WILL call you on. You are a salesman. Be proactive.

I am sorry if this is all a bit brutal, but I don't think that letter will get you very far. In Canada you have to be upbeat and positive when job seeking. A cover letter is a sales document. If you haven't told the recipient the benefit to them of hiring you by the end of the second paragraph then you have lost the sale.

JonboyE

Are you asking for a job or an informational meeting? They are two different things and need a different approach.

Marksheffield

JonboyE Thanks for been brutal with the comments not going to get feedback from employers if its going in the bin

New to all this so all advice and comments taken on the chin and no hard feelings

Taken all your points on board and in process of re-writing

Aviator

I would suggest paying close attention to spelling and grammar. One mistake can get a resume discounted without a second glance. If you want to post it on here, post it as it would be sent.

What you put in your first letter could be said in half the amount of words. Waffle, flattery and BS will get you nowhere. Tell them what you can do for them and ask for what you want from them.

No need to tell them all about the motor industry and what it needs, I am guessing they already have a pretty good idea about that. May come across as a know all. Not a good start.

Telling them about your losing your business is not a positive and to be honest as an employer, I would not care about your woes. Tell me about successes. If I were to hire you, what's in it for me? (this is not a job offer and I am not in the motor industry).

Year in the trade in sales = Experience
Achievements, sales increased by XX% a year, sales awards etc. = Performance
Objective= What you want from them

Be succinct. Three short paragraphs should suffice in a cover letter. Make it about them, you have way too many I's in there. Should be no more than 3 and even better is none!

After all that, have you thought about how you might get in? I suspect there is no shortage of car salesmen in Canada. A trip out and meeting people would give you far more chance of success. Without a job offer you have no chance and long distance applications rarely work unless you have unique skills not available locally.

Alan2005

I wouldn't usually comment on this kind of thing (especially as JonboyE has done most of it). But really don't mention NLP - you're a salesman, not a cult leader. Keep the psycho-babble out of a covering letter even if you did a course on it and think you know what it is.