Summer-Caitlin

My husband and I plan to move to North Vancouver hopefully this year, however I too have my concerns about the family thing.

I am very close to my mother, we speak to eachother about twice a week on the phone for over an hour at a time, however when I think about it, we don't see eachother as much as we used to. When I decided to move to Canada, I decided to try and take a step back and minimise physical contact with my family. I know to some of you this may sound harsh, but I used to see my mother quite a lot, but knowing I was going to be living abroad, realised that I would no longer be able to do this and wanted to try it on for size, so to speak!

While it was difficult initially, I feel we have both got used to this type of contact and I think it will make the move easier as telephone contact will be the only type we will have the majority of the time. I have one brother here and my grandmother (grandfather recently passed away) and my father passed away several years ago. My borther and I used to be really close, but when he married and then I married, we both got our own lives and although we have contact, we see eachother about once a month (if that). My grandmother lives 5 minutes down the road, and although I am trying to visit her more just now due to my grandfathers passing, on average I saw her every 2 weeks, I call once a week.

I know telephone calls don't make up for the popping in for lunch, going shopping together etc, but they do go a long way. I would suggest, trying to minimise physical contact for a month or so and restrict yourself to telephone contact only. It's only a trial and I think it would be better to give it a go here, rather than when in Canada.

I have tried to tell my mum that we are only a plan ride away, but realistically we can't just drop everything and fly over if there is a problem, although I wish I could. I have many family members that live in Australia and when we came back here, we vowed to visit. I left in 1992, it is now 2008 and I haven't been back. Sure we keep in contact by email and telephone, but what I am trying to say is, sometimes life gets in the way and you can't visit as much as you would like to. I would try and prepare yourself for the fact you may not visit every year, or be visited every year. Plus with all that North America has to offer, you may wish to try out your vacation there!

Sorry for this longwinded post, but I hope that you may be able to find something useful out of it. Good luck in whatever you decide and let us know how you get on!

farjojo71

I am in the same boat as you regarding my mum.Our last 4 telephone conversations have involved me having to explain my reasons behind wanting to move away....suffice to say, by the 4th call, I was biting my tongue! It got to the point when the phone was getting put down when my mum mentioned about me buying new bedroom furniture for my son's bedroom just before Xmas and she said "You have just bought all that furniture"...my reply was "I'm not staying here for a wardrobe!!!"

I think the advice about limiting physical contact is a good idea....I am doing that at the moment...but my reason is because I am fed up of the earache!

Kaye.

Thanks for that Jericho, I'm glad your wife is coping without her mum and sisters.

My husband is a welder and works away for 3 months at a time, during that time I see my mum a lot and talk on the phone 2 or 3 times a day , but when he is home I don't see her as much, maybe a quick visit once a week to see my kids, and I chat to her most days on the phone.

One of the main reasons for moving is that there seems to be a lot of work for welders in Canada, so my hubby wouldn't need to work away from home. Our kids are 3 and 9 months, and my hubby misses out a lot on their lives due to work. We also feel like we have nothing to keep us here, apart from my family. But we cant live our lives around them, they certainly wouldn't live theirs around us.

I was pestering my hubby last night asking when I can book our recce

Thanks everyone, it's so nice to talk to people going through the same things as us.

Emmjay

Hi Kaye,

I know a lot of people on here have said the same thing and i know exactly how you are feeling.

I have been to Nova Scotia four times now and have even done my reccie back in September. I have sold my house and am living in rented accomodation and i am still having so many doubts about leaving my family. As you said if i could take them with me, i would be ecstatic, and would not be hesitating at all!!!

I am very very close to my family, especially my dad and mum, I have two brothers, one older who i don't see more than twice a year and one younger, who still lives with parents, so see all the time and i am struggling so much with moving so far away from them. Like you, i live near to my family and see them every weekend and they think i should do this and that it would be a good thing for me, but the thought of moving so far away from them panics me silly, i feel physically sick and just feel like i cannot do this. This was brought home to me recently, because i started getting some medical problems/symptoms and am awaiting an U/Scan and med/tests and my family are helping me, as i am worried sick about what these might show up

Unlike you, i do not have a husband/kids/family of my own to think about adn who would support me. I would be doing this on my own!!!! Which makes it even harder. I have met some lovely people in Nova Scotia locals and expats , including some very nice expats that i know will help me, but it is still very hard.

At the moment, my plans are on hold until i know about my health/medical thingy and i have taken a step back to think about things, as i do not want to rush into anything and regret it, equally i do not want to cancel my dreams/plans and regret this either - sooo, i think you need to do that take your reccie and then step back and think things through. It is a major life changing decision and one that, no matter what others say, is not an easy one to make.

Good luck and hope everything works out.

All the best

Emmjay

moondevil

Wow you sound like me over 7yrs ago, OH wanted the move so much, i had just had our second child and was really ill, i couldn't and more important wouldn't do the move over
Then the offer came back a couple of years ago and i said "ok i will take a trip and we will decide from there"

After the trip, i kind of saw things totally different, i saw what the kids would have, the life, the people and the pride, i was kind of blown away.
Although we secured jobs etc last year and moved to another part of canada, i am really happy with our decision. i am one that is really really close with my mum and she means the world to me, i still speak to her a few times aweek and make sure the webcam is set for every weekend for her

I totally disagree with the other posters on keeping away from them before the move or during your decisions as they made me see things from there point of view, i understand how they felt, as well as how we felt as a family and put things into place so that they could deal with the move easier as well.

i also understand how tinytears feels as she is getting near the move and parts are hurting at the moment, i asked a mod to close my account once, but glad i didnt as i have been able to help others or have a laugh here when needed, maybe some of the longer posters on here need to remember what its like when we are close to that move and we are really close to familily members, when all said and done we are here to help others, not stab them when they are really down......

I am also in lethbridge like gaynor, its a lovely place, but its like moving to mars sometimes with the way they deal with stuff, but you have to remember why you did the move and carry on....
Good look to the OP

and FFS lighten up the other posters, look out the sun is happy, if there is no sun, take a happy pill....FGS

Caimas

Well said!

ann m

Are there any changes you could make by moving somewhere else in the UK? You would still be close to your family (ish). Sorry, I don't know anything about availability of work for welders in either country.

hwp

Completely agree about Cannon Beach - absolutely beautiful as is much of the Oregon coastline.

Rainey69

TT is going through a rough time at the moment and could do with a lot of support from us......NOT slating from people who seem to have forgotten what a stressful process this is. We should be here to help and provide guidence, not to have a go just because someones experience is different, we all have different views in life and should be allowed to express them on a, so called. "open forum", without being afraid of this sort of reaction. None of us are right and that seems to have been forgotten in the contents of this thread.

To the OP, i feel ashamed that your question seems to have been cast aside by members more full of self importance than selflessness. I hope you find the answers you are looking for out of all this. I also hope people reflect on what has been said here and take stock. I find it hard to believe how aggressive this site has become.

iaink

Im re-opening this again after removing the off topic distraction.

Its my sincere hope that it will return to being an interesting thread on family and adjusting to being away from them.

shelley748

Take your time- maybe don't sell your house until you are sure that you want to make Canada your home, that way if you do decide to go back to the UK you won't have burnt your bridges property wise.

I think that the suggestion about only contacting by email and phone is a good one.

I speak to my Dad every day by phone and sometimes we webcam and chat. Its hard to leave them behind- we have lost 3 parents since we came to Canada and it does make you feel guilty about leaving them behind. Only you can decide in the end.

Rubie

I haven't moved to Canada yet but I do live over 300 miles away from close family and so I know some of what everyone is talking about on this thread.

The thing I still miss the most is that sometimes, you just want to nip round to your mums/brothers/sisters on a Sunday afternoon for a cup of tea and a chat. The other thing that distance does, is when there is a family crisis, minor or otherwise, you feel separated and a loner from your family especially when you want to help out. You have to be satisfied with the telephone. I am used to this now, so the move to Canada will not be as much of a separation for me and my family but I do think that this would be hard for anyone who is close to their family and sees them often. I also think it would be much more of a pull back to the UK as there may be a tendency to seek the familiar when faced with so much change.

That said, the time I do spend with my siblings and their families, my mum and grandparents (as they are still alive) is all concentrated 'quality time' (don't you just love that saying) and I still talk to my family 2,3 4 times a week maybe. Also, the kids get to spend 2 sometimes 3 weeks away in the summer with their grandparents, which gives me a glorious break.

Good luck to the OP in her decision. It's not an easy one even when you don't have to consider leaving close family members behind. I'm yet to go on my recce but I'm sure it will answer hundreds of questions that are still going on in my head and I'm sure it will do the same for you too.

Rubie

x

blackcomb1

Interesting you say that, I felt the same way on my return visit for a month - December. Too long I might add, but after friends said my 7 days would not be long enough I extended, yet in hindsight 7-10 would have been more than enough.

Like you I couldn't wait to get back here to Canada.
It was nice to see my friends, family again, and seeing them was like we never parted, as it always is when you see your friends
But returning back to Canada was like coming home, not returning to the UK, I could not believe how adapted I am now over here, I could not readjust back to the 'before' lifestyle I had back there, I got bored pretty fast too. Here I am never bored. Socially as well as outdoor sports wise, it is fantastic, and friendly. I did however, enjoy my visit to London again, that was a highlight, as I always loved our clothes shops in London etc, and the buzz there. I never got bored in London either.

My feeling is those that returned to blighty after 3 months never really gave it a chance, 3 months is not long enough to get a real feel for Canada or anywhere to settle in properly. It generally takes 6 months at least to get a real feel, and the rain is not a problem, at least it isn't so cold here compared to the rest of Canada. I tend to go to the mountains and ski because while it rains on the mainland it is always snowing up there; can also always do what a lot do and take a trip to Mexico, or Palm Springs, or Hawaii from here once a year during rain season. California even, which is another thing, it is cheap to fly there from here.

Good luck.

blackcomb1

[QUOTE=dboy;7227950] Eugene I just missed seeing and I was told to visit there as I heard good things about the place, only I took an earlier exit and ended up missing it completely on the way to Bend in Oregon.
Seaside an odd place?, I agree it too reminded me of a British seaside town, interesting point and observation. It's a good place to go for the Brits if they feel homesick hey?

I found it quite unique and very friendly, I loved it, the hostel was great too and very friendly I made a great Swiss friend there who joined me for a run on the beach. He was traveling by motorbike along the West coast from the South of America all the way up to Alaska and he did this, amazing! He came over with is girlfriend but in Oregon she was exploring somewhere else, they are back in Switzerland now. I saw his whole route on his end summary and the pictures, I was envious he has seen more than me currently and I've been here longer, ha ha. But you had to admire that. He made tons of friends and had a fantastic time all round is what he said. He was impressed too with Yosemite, I've yet to climb there.

Talking of road trips, going on another in 2-3 months time to Smith Rock again, in the South of Oregon, going climbing and to catch up with the friend down there who contacted me to remind me to get down there, and also to Skaha - climbing. A group of us are going to both places. Should be fun!

The beaches on the Oregan coast are the best, beautiful, the whole drive down the west coast I heard from many including those back home who did this, that it is beautiful and I had to do it, however it is nicer along the Oregon coast compared to the California coast is the feedback I was given from people here. The beaches here too though are also beautiful, I love swimming in the sea regularly throughout the summer, lovely and warm once you are in and clean.

jmh

Obviously you need to do your recce trip, but I think you probably need to give it a go, because you will regret not trying if you don't. Is there any way you can leave some security or resources in the UK in case you decide to return?