I know I have to answer this question myself, but rattling through the pros and cons in my head doesn't lead to an obvious decision. What I really want is to hear from those of you in a similar situation. Here's the story...

When I was 21 I went to Toronto, where I lived and worked for a summer. I loved it and decided to return at the age of 23 as a full time student. Again I lived in Toronto, and I stayed for just short of 2 years. This is when I met my Canadian partner, whom I spent ALL my time with. We decided to move to the UK (Glasgow specifically) the reasons for which were – homesickness, loneliness (I didn't have any friends, as I spent ALL my time with my boyfriend), and career prospects in the UK. We've lived here for 5 years and are now married.

My husband has done well career wise but he dislikes Glasgow, and wants to return to Toronto. I would say Toronto is by far the better city, but i'm not sure I can leave Glasgow. I'm reasonably close to my family, and really enjoy spending my time with my young nieces. We don't have kids yet, but when we do I feel that the better place to bring them up is Toronto. However, the thought of them not knowing my parents and their cousins is saddening. I wonder if when you have kids you become quite insular as a family and my extended family will become less important. Is this how it normally goes??? I don't want to force my partner to stay in a place he doesn't like but i'm terrified of that lonely feeling you get when you're so far from friends and family. Is anyone else in a similar situation (Canadian partner/not sure if you want to live there)? If so, i'd love to hear from you. I have so many doubts about moving but an equal amount about staying here. I feel like my indecision is making the decision for me. Any advice?

pichua

You're in the centre of the classic dilemma. He dislikes/you love Glasgow, but for different reasons. It is unlikely you would be happy in Toronto if your heart and mind is in Glasgow with your family and friends. The reverse probably applies to him. The only redeeming feature for you might be that it"s only a 7 hour flight away and you could, finances permitting, make 2-3 trips back a year.
You and he will have to come to an understanding as to what happens if you accompany him to Toronto and you find it impossible to settle.

Hi Pichua

I guess my story is similar but the difference is i cant wait to move at the moment. I am from Glasgow area too, met my Canadian partner there as he was working in Scotland. His job changed to England where we both moved together.....I gave up my family (sister and nieces included!) for my partner and HATED it. I flew home every couple of months for the first year. During that time i had a baby which made my feelings worse as i was torn between my partner and my family - who hated me being so far away. We have been together 10 years, now married and have 3 kids. We are looking to move to Canada in next couple of years and the thought is tearing at my family's heartstrings. The thought of being further afield from my family is also worrying me as my mum isnt keeping too well. But, my husband's family are also having the same effect. His father is desperate for us to go as he has missed out on his grandchildren. However, my parents (much as they wish we were in Scotland) know that this move is going to be the best move for the kids as well as our family unit.

I am at the stage now that i really have thought about it and know its the best for my kids to move.....the more i think about it the more i want to be there. When you have kids, both sets of grandparents will pull at you and put slight guilt trips on the situation, however, this has got to be up to you both. The first year away is the worst. Once you start to build friendships it becomes easier and you appreciate the family visits a whole lot more.

Good luck with your decision. You dont have kids yet so why dont you try again in Canada. If you get settled and try and get out to form friendships around your marriage, you may well settle better. As you well know, the decision is yours. x

If you've not already seen it there's this recent thread from someone who decided Scotland was the better bet for them. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, alas!