lightnfoot

Hi everyone. I am hoping someone out there can help me or give me some idea what else we can do. My husband and stepsons (17 and 15) just got their Permanent Canadian Citizenships and arrived here in Alberta last Saturday, January 22, 2011. The problem is that up until they moved here, the 17 year old was eager to move here and start a new life (the boys have been here before they moved here and loved it). Unfortunately, one week before they came over, he got a girlfriend in England, and of course his whole life changed AND he no longer wanted to move. To make matters worse, his older sisters and friends in England kept and still do keep telling him that he can go back home anytime he wants (their mother passed away over 6 years ago so she is not in the picture). My husband and I are at our wits end. It has only been one week since they have been here and we are trying to keep him busy but he constantly wants to stay at the house in the daytime so he can go online and talk to his girlfriend and friends back home.
He is not going back to school here as he finished school in the UK last year and was in college there, therefore making it so he does not want to go 'backwards' and go to school to meet friends here his own age. The company I work for is trying to get him a bricklaying apprenticeship but with the winter it is a bad time for such an apprenticeship so he will have to wait a few months.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I know I am legally responsible for him until he is 25 years old but can he go back to England or is he stuck here? He has promised us he will give it a fair shot but my husband has spoken to a few people back home and they have said his son plans to be back by his 18th birthday. We do not want to force him to stay if he is that miserable, but he has to give it a fair shot and one week is not it!
Has anyone else been in this situation or have any suggestions for us? Any advice of any sort would be truly helpful and appreciated. Thanks so much.

Alberta_Rose

Not an easy situation!

If he is a PR he can go back to the UK and so long as he is "physically present" in Canada for a length of time (2 years out of 5, I looked it up!)) he can retain his right to residency.

It's difficult for him to meet people and change the subject if he's not going to school and can't get work. Maybe the best option would be to let him go back ... it'll either work out for him or it won't, and hopefully if his life there fizzles he'll still be eligible to come back to Canada.

Other thing might be to offer to have GF to visit in Canada? Maybe he'll have the best of both worlds. Can you get him into a program at NAIT?

You could come the heavy parent and try to limit his internet access, and be prepared to be told you have ruined his life a dozen times a day... You'd have to be made of sterner stuff than I am. Oh my goodness! 17 year-olds and their love-lives! They're so intense at that age, and so certain ... until they fall OUT of love again!

We came over with 14 and 19 yr old boys, and while we've had a few bumps along the way they both tell us they'd never want to go back to UK to live .. visit maybe, but that's all. I don't envy you ... maybe somebody'll be along to give you definitive advice or at least their own experience and what worked for them in your situation.

Good Luck!

ps: not getting at you, but just FYI, if you break your posts into short paragraphs, it makes it far easier to read.

jericho

Is he in to football? There's loads of indoor football in the winter, and would be a good way to get out and make some friends.

mandymoochops

I agree with AR. I think cut him some slack and let him do what he thinks he wants to.

I don't agree with the whole restricting internet access / forcing him to stay thing because whilst he technically might 'only' be 17 - he's not 7.

He'll soon get bored enough talking online when he can no longer relate to whats going on over there, and as he gradually gets friends and interests here hopefully the fascination with going back will fade.

However

If he wants to up and go back then let him, make him aware of the residency requirements and stress the importance that he at least keeps that at some stage in case him and his gf want to get more serious in the future and her move out here.

Whatever happens its a tough one but ultimately it's his happiness in this situation thats at stake - not yours unfortunately - you got yours when you moved here.

lightnfoot

My husband spoke to his son (bare in mind I am Canadian - I did not move here - they did) and he has promised to give it a fair shot. He agrees that he has been a bit hasty and not thinking clearly due to the girlfriend (OF TWO WEEKS) making him foggy.

My husband reminded his son that he promised to give it ONE full year here, and if after that year, he decides he wants to go back, we will pay for him to leave.

We then both sat down and explained to him the rules of Immigration and the importance of following and understanding the rules should he decide to go back. He then said that he does not want to leave his dad, and wants to be in the same country as him. He also said he knows the opportunities in Alberta are much better for him than in England and he will give it a fair shot.

Unfortunately, he hates the cold and snow - which turns out to be one of the main reasons he is not happy here. He can't go dirtbiking in 3 feet of snow!! It truly does not help that they moved here in the worst winter we have seen in 37 years!!

I am taking the boys to the Monster Jam this weekend and to the Leduc outdoor winter motorcross. Hopefully the sooner he sees things do not stop just because of cold and snow, he will settle in better.

mandymoochops

Thats awesome news and he will get a taste for some winter sports hopefully!

As you probably don't need to tell him, most Canadian people hate winter too so when the weather improves he'll get to see what it's like in warmer times

Dotty P

....and teenagers blow hot and cold all the time, one minute my 16 year old likes vintage cars and in the next breath is harping on about something completely different. Girlfriends usually go that way too....one minute they're the best thing since best things were invented then before you know it, they're a deleted mobile number.

Bet you by this time next year you'll have a different and altogether more Canadian 18 year old......I'd almost put good money on it.

Best of luck....teens are testing but it's not forever and eventually they come out the other side remembering what planks they used to be

Falcore

No advice from me, just wanted to say good luck with sorting everything out and enjoy the Monster Jam!

lightnfoot

LOL Thanks! The boys... my HUBBY included!! Are super excited to go. I have gone for years (my ex-husband and I would take our son when he was younger) and enjoyed it - more the expressions on their faces than anything. My husband was beaming when I told him about it. He has not been to anything like it before either so it will be a treat for all three!

lightnfoot

Thanks so much You are so right on them being testing! I have a 19-yr old son (he lives on his own) AND a 17-yr old daughter (yes..that is right...my stepson AND my daughter are the same age!! She is 2 months older than him). My son is great about everything but my daughter..not so much. She is having a hard time sharing me with everyone but is starting to realize there is plenty of me to go around. I love them all more than anything and make time for her just like before.

As my husband always says 'It will all come right in time'.

Just got some wonderful news that my stepson has a female friend that lives in Stony Plain (we are in Edmonton)! Her boyfriend (that played rugby against my stepson) lives in England still and she moved here three years ago!! We are planning to take him to West Ed to meet up with her next week so they can see each other. (Fingers crossed there is a connection! lol)

lightnfoot

Oh yes! I was born and raised here in Alberta and STILL hate the snow! lol

I am sure he will love it here once he gets a chance to meet people his own age and see there is alot to do

Dotty P

Just got some wonderful news that my stepson has a female friend that lives in Stony Plain (we are in Edmonton)! Her boyfriend (that played rugby against my stepson) lives in England still and she moved here three years ago!! We are planning to take him to West Ed to meet up with her next week so they can see each other. (Fingers crossed there is a connection! lol)

That's JUST the news you needed to hear! I will keep my fingers well and truly crossed that there's some sort of spark, even if it is only a good friendship! I'm hoping that when we move out (June this year) that there'll be a 16 year old Canadian beauty that lives down the road and thinks English boys as the best! Your stepson will soon forget the English girl....trust me!

Dotty P

That's JUST the news you needed to hear! I will keep my fingers well and truly crossed that there's some sort of spark, even if it is only a good friendship! I'm hoping that when we move out (June this year) there'll be a 16 year old Canadian beauty that lives down the road and thinks English boys are the best! Your stepson will soon forget the English girl....trust me!

lightnfoot

I hope so...as much as I hate to say that as she is really is a nice young lady. Just frustrating she waits until a week before they move to tell him she loves him! lol Damn teenagers

Where are you moving to in Canada?

Dotty P

Any teens reading this, please don't hate me but they think it's love when really.....well, enough said. Bless 'em.

We're hoping to move to BC but are still looking for the elusive job.....OH is going out on his own in a couple of months to fling himself at employers in the hope that somebody out there will think he's just right for their company (one can hope!).