Just wondered if anyone could share their experience of emigrating with teenagers 16 & 17 years old,(both girls) how did they settle in, are they happy, want to come home to UK? etc. Do you think that its a mistake to expect them to adapt to a new way of life, (my Dad does.) But thats another story, he thinks we are selfish to take our kids "halfway across the world" away from friends ,schools etc. He says I have had some daft ideas in the past but this is the stupidest, and why would we want to leave "the best country in the World" (UK!!!)
Wondered if anyone would like to share experiences, as this is my only real worry about coming to Canada. (oh, and my dad.) In spite of my being 40, he has told me I am NOT allowed to go!
Thanks. Annie.

Poor you! I don't have children of your ages, mine are much younger but if it is any consolation then my mother has also implied that it would be "selfish" to uproot my little ones and go to Canada. I decided not to talk about it again to her until we have those Visa's in our passports.

The most important thing is what do your girls think?

I left my 20 year old twin boys in England and took my 8 year old daughter with me to Canada. The boys are doing just fine but they actually want to immigrate to Canada in a year or two. They are coming out for a vacation in September and it will be fantastic to see them.

I had the same from my parents!! How can you leave the boys and how can you take our grand-daughter away from us! Crumbs they lived 400 miles away from us and we only saw them a couple of times a year anyway.

If I was you then I would ask the girls what they want to do. We couldn't take ours as they are in the middle of HND's right now and are working in very well-paid jobs which I doubt they would be able to find over here.

Thanks for reply, girls have swung between "I,m not going!" to " cant wait to get there" on the whole they are happy about it, but no doubt they will blame us if they are miserable. My mum always said that its the things you dont do in life that you regret, not the things you do. emigrating to Canada was something we first thought about 17-18 years ago, but then kids, work, having no money etc. got in the way, so its now or never. I would rather screw up and then come home than not try at all and wonder "what would have happened if we had gone ?" I am also trying not to mention the subject to the old man, but he keeps asking if I have come to my senses yet. He reckons that us going will "finish him off".No chance of him coming to visit as he wont come to my house now as its too far (about 1 mile) we have to visit him.
Any way enough of my moaning ,thanks for listening ( or reading). annie.

My elder lad is 18 and just completing "A" levels. He can't WAIT to get out there. He has researched it thoroughly and says the standard of living and way of life are virtually unbeaten anywhere. He loves skiing too, which is another major draw. He hopes to continue his education in the field of electronics engineering at Calgary university, or possibly SAIT (South Alberta Institute of Technology)

The younger boy is nearly 14, and though he is more worried about leaving his friends and starting a new life, is still excited and not really "anti-". He's looking forward to the snowboarding......."cos it's Kewl!!"

I think you have to tell people who say you are being selfish ..... that you are doing it FOR the children. Really it's the grandparents etc who are being selfish if anything, as they feel you are "taking the children away from them", and so are putting their own hurt feelings ahead of your childrens' future!

If you wish to talk your Dad round, then do your research, SHOW him why you are making this enormous step, get him to come out and SEE the place before condemning you.

And in the end, it is YOUR future and your children's ...... you have to go ahead with your lives with or without their blessing and you certainly do not need their consent!!

hi there - there is a "blog" of sorts done by some teens on this site http://www.brits2bc.com/teendiaries.htm

Good luck

Clare

Hi Annie

My girls are just babies at 6 and 8 but very independent in their thoughts. So the eldest one thinks that moving to Toronto is a great idea ( swimming pool swung that one!) The 6 year old is far more astute. She said " what about my grandparents, friend, the dog!!!"

I am sure that moving older children is much more difficult however, I am sure that if your kid's are confident and out-going, then they will quickly make new friend and maybe one day thank you for the opportunity that you have given them.

Regards

Bombards

Hi Annie,

We migrated from South Africa to Canada in the latter part of the 1970s, nigh on thirty years ago, and my mother-in-law still gives us a hard time about it.

Although we encountered great challenges when we went on expat assignments to the USA and Australia when our two sons were teenagers, they're now in their early twenties and they tell us that living in other countries was an enormously broadening experience for them and they're ever so glad we did it.

I believe that, even if one or both of your daughters ultimately return to the UK, spending some time in another country will have been highly educational for them.

As for your father, perhaps he, rather than you, is the one who belongs up there in the title of your thread.

No chance of him coming to visit as he wont come to my house now as its too far (about 1 mile) we have to visit him.

Hi, my father is 90 years old and mum is 79 I have just booked their flights!!! I have to admit I didn't think I would get them here, my dad keeps telling me that he "did all his flying during the war" but I think the promise of a visit to the Rockies might have finally got him! so if he can do it, anyone can!
Linda

I am currently having the gult trip about taking my daughter nearly 16, jsut after GCSE's We hoped to be ther by August this year, but that is looking unlikely. What do I do ? she lovers school, has loads of friends, and wil start A levels in Sept here.

If we dont go then, do I take her out after Christmas and move just as she is settled into A levels. She loves her school she ahs a wonderful job at a Sea Life park here , who have now dangled a carrot and said of she stays and studies at A levels they will take her on in the marine studies area of the park and train her, which she would die for ! I beleive I wil be giving her a better life, fo rthe future maybe but now?? I have a very happy healthy girl whom I adore, she is such a hapy sole always has been, and everyone lovers her. She had a boyfriend who is dreading her going ( Ah young love) My husband also has two teenagers who are not coming yet one at UNI other starting GCSE's in summer. We hope they will come later.

At first Lisa wanted to go, then we took her over on her own and she wa adamant she didnt. First guilt trip for me!

Now she keeps saying she cant wait to go back. She emails a girl the same age, The daughter of one of the poster on this forum, I hoped they would chat about their fears etc, As she is emigrating with family to near where we are going I thought it woul dbe a good idea to make a freind before they go.
We are hiping to meet up in the half term as her mum is going through same thoughts as both of us! So I too can chat about worries.
We have a house in Canada, my husband recently returned after speaking to one of the neighbours opposite. He has a 15 year old daughter, wo=ho is looking forward to Lisa moving out. They have given her the girls email address so they can chat on MSN.This has worked wonders for lisa, as it has not stopped her wantinmg to go. She sees i as an advernture, and it is not written in stone that she cannot come back her to study in future. Also she has all her friend splanning to come over in future ( I expect she will ahve a host of new friend by then) Internet web cams phone calls make the world a smaller place.

As for your dad, my mum is the same. She was the one that said the best thing we could do was leave England, then when it actually looked like reality said she never forgave her mother for moving when she was a teenager, and at 75 years of age still looks back and feels bitter! This was her way of saying I was doing the same.

Deep down I expect your father will feel a bit jealous, that you have the chance to do this. As with my mum, their generation often did not have opportunities to do this. He also probably realised he will miss you and his grandchildren. Maybe he also worries about been left on his own to cope. he probably takes you all for granted. hence not visiting you. My mum cannot show her feelings never has, but shows them in other ways.
My mum is the one that is actually selfish as she is well aware that if anything happens to her partner ( not my dad) she wil be on her own. She became bitter after divorce from my father, and alienated herself from, rest of family apart from me. She does not drive either and I think she has just realised how lonely she will be in future. Much of which she has brought about on herself.
We have said we will sponsor her in future if and when she wants tom, but goes on about getting her pension, losing out on it. Health care etc. No matter what we do these days it is not right. I have to get away for my own sanity or turn into a clone of her in future!

If your daughters use MSN and fancy a chat with my daughter adn maybe the other girl too, she is more than willing to talk with them. Send me a PM and I will give you her email address. It might help for them to talk to another teenager who is going through similar experience and worries.

*sigh* I cannot stand it when parents get involved like this....
Ok, look at it this way: you are a grown woman - you make your own decisions - we know this.
The fact that your father says you are selfish is merely a reflection of HIS feelings - he's selfish cause he wants you around and doesn't want to pick up the poo-poo if it all fails and goes to hell.
Just remember that this is HIS issue more than it is yours - as long as you keep him involved and give him no reason to worry - then you shouldn't worry, either.
Let him know your giving your kids the experience of a lifetime - send him a tape of Dr.Phil - kids are resilient and adapt like fish to water. Just as long as they have a set routine - yes even at 16 and 17.
The girls will be fine - it will be a fab bonding experience for you guys, just don't over-bond or they'll want to go back to the UK.
Hope that helps - remember its not you - its your dad. He just needs to vent - so let him. But don't take it personally. I'll bet ina few years he'll follow
Fluffy

Hi there
My son was 13 when we moved here and he was 15 on sunday. I was alwful at first neither one of us could settle becuase we hung on to the past life. He is now totally adjusted and happy. I dare not ask him but i am sure he wouls say he loves it here now.
I also have a daughter of 20 back in the UK and at first she wanted to stay there(boyfriend etc) Now she can't wait for me to apply for my PR so she can join me. I think you will be fine and the kids will adjust. They will be so loved out here becuase the acccent is very popular. All the girls think my son is cute!

i hope all goes well for you.

hi Annie

Where are you settling in Canada? we are looking at getting a work permit and settling in or around Dartmouth,Nova Scotia. We have 3 teenagers (2 girls 13 and 15yrs and a boy of 14) who are coming with us, although some days its hard to guess how they feel about it, but there again we still have days when we doubt if its the right thing to do!!
We've only told my Mum, dreading telling my hubby's family because of the reaction we are going to get :scared: probably the same reaction you got tbh.
I agree with you if it doesn't work out we can always come back thats what i've told my kids, i hope everthing goes well for you, but if i can help just PM me.

Good Luck and Take Care

Rosie

dear All
thanks for all the replies, we are planning to settle in Oakville/ Burlington or London area of Ontario, husband a welder, so it depends on the work situation. we are going over in september for a fact finding mission.
thanks for the offer of e.mail addressess for my girls , I think its a great idea for them to talk with other kids in the same boat.
We have three altogether two girls, 15, 16. boy 8 (also another boy fostered with us , soon to be 15,) I had asked about him on a previous thread, re taking him with us, but it doesnt look like it is going to be possible, so he may go to his grandparents.
It does seem as though sometimes we are stuck between pleasing our parents and pleasing our kids. We have decided to follow our own dreams and know that our kids will be OK anyway. As for my dad, he is nearly 80, wont go anywhere and spends his life lying on his sofa drinking endless cups of coffee and smoking 50-80 cigs per day. Before my mum died she told me he was a very selfish man, and now I know what she meant.he has plenty of other family around to take care of him if he needs it, and it is only 6 hours to come home.
It is impossible to talk to him about Canada as he refuses to listen and just shouts me down so I have given up. he even accuses me of dragging my husband half way acoss the world against his will. I just hope I never get that selfish with my own kids.
anyway , if anyone knows of good schools in the Oakville area I would be grateful, we are catholic but i,m not too bothered about this, and i think my kids may prefer a non- catholic school anyway.
i love reading all the posts on the site and it has been very helpful. Good luck to all.
i think it takes a lot of guts to make the move to a whole new way of life. I admire all those who have done it.

Annie

Like yourself I have 2 daughters aged 13 and 12 just now !!!!!!
They were not keen on the idea at first, but once we told them all about the place they cannot wait
We are going over to LONDON as well in July for a holiday / fact finding mission to sus the place out.

Strange there seems to be alot of guys heading for LONDON ONTARIO
Is there something that we dont know about!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think the final straw that convinced our eldest was when she was assaulted at school, now she cannot wait to gte over and keeps asking us about the application progress.
Our forms were recieved in London UK on the 5/5/05, strange date not one you cannot forget.

Anything you want to ask , feel free

Eddie