dbd33

Oh, I didn't intend to imply that it is. The state having an obligation to support people certainly doesn't imply that it does support people. My position is just that the obligation is a start.

For what it's worth, my autistic daughter now lives in Switzerland, facilities there are better than the UK or Canada but still not ideal and they doubtless vary by exact location, as in other countries.

wardy_1990

It's worth a lot mate, I can't thank people enough who share experiences good and bad. It's feels impossible to imagine mine will ever live independently at the moment never mind in another country, but I have a little hope and plenty of hard work to give, I'll look at Switzerland too, most places beat doncaster for opportunities or the outdoor activities we crave.
Good luck to anyone else.

Almost Canadian

I am a family lawyer in Alberta and, while I don't have autistic children, I have acted for parents that do. Medical expenses are a consideration when dealing with child support and spousal support issues and, to a lesser extent, when dealing with division of property.

Currently, I act for someone who has a 23 year old autistic son. While her husband (soon to be ex-husband) has been ordered to pay both child support and spousal support she and her children are living hand to mouth and cannot afford to eat without using the food bank. She is unable to work due to the needs of her son and her ex decided to walk away once his son aged out of the system. Their position is tragic.

I appreciate that this is one family and your position may be nothing like this but ask yourself this: How will your daughters cope if anything happens to their parents?

dbd33

I wonder why, in the circumstances, the support arrangement would be structured to include child support. We set it up as all spousal support as there's a tax break on spousal, but not child, support. It's not a payment that has any end to it so one may as well get the CRA to help.

Almost Canadian

While I note what you say, the ex will not agree upon anything without a Court being involved and, as such, the Court has to follow the rules which prioritises child support. In this instance, because her tax burden is so low, the only one that benefits from more being put on to the spousal support part of the ledger is him. It would be far better for her to have all of it deemed to be child support as there would be no tax payable for her.

Child support is governed by the Federal Child Support Guidelines. These are Province/Territory dependent so, if you earn x and have y children, you will pay the same amount as everyone else in that jurisdiction that earns the same amount and has the same number of children. While it is possible, but very difficult, to persuade a Court to lower the amount payable, it is not possible to ask a Court to increase the amount payable.

Spousal support is determined using the needs (of the recipient) and means (of the payor) test for both parties (this not completely correct but, for this purpose, will have to suffice). When considering the payor's means, child support is the priority and then the payor's reasonable day to day living expenses are deducted. If there is any left over, it can be used to pay spousal support. In this instance, once child support and day to day living expenses were deducted, there was not much left over to pay spousal. Each time a child ceases to be a "child of the marriage" that free up income to pay additional spousal support. However, as child support is not tax deductible/payable and spousal support is, that, usually, actually reduces the net amount the recipient actually receives.

dbd33

Thanks. We went at the matter quite differently. We plucked a number out of the air and then, several years later, when we officially separated, it was already established fact and no guidelines were consulted. A court rubber-stamped the arrangement. The only thing that changed at that time was that an insurance policy was added to ensure that my death wouldn't stop the flow of cash. Over the ensuing decades, the insurance premiums have become increasingly onerous but this is offset by inflation reducing the impact of the, unindexed, support payment. The autistic person gets a state "pension", a living allowance, which, combined with the support payment, has allowed property to be acquired on her behalf. It is one of life's ironies that the autistic daughter, who has no concept of money, is now the richest among us.

dbd33

I missed something here earlier. My daughter does not live independently at all. She lives half the time with her mother and half the time in a group home. In the event that her mother dies or is unable to care for her any longer she can move into the group home full time. Obviously life is easier for me than for someone caring for a physically strong adult with the disposition of a two year old in a supermarket, but it's not ideal for me either. As a singer once put it "I'll be working for someone else until I'm in my grave".

Airborne_Dan

There are still all sorts of other factors as to why a family will move to Canada. They shouldn’t have to stay out and ignore all the other reasons to move just because a child is autistic

dbd33

I don't think that's a realistic view of autism and I think it trivializes the responsibility that a disabled person places upon the family. I think that, if a family includes an autistic person then the family is obliged to build a life around the autism. How do you propose that a family, moving for the scenery or the joy of having a third bathroom, generate the funds to support the autistic person?

wardy_1990

All valid points, for us it's not the scenery but a chance to escape dead mining towns and the crime and violence that exist amongst the youth in the hope our oldest who is neuro typical might have a safer life with more opportunities, its frightening to keep talking to couples who have autistic children and nearly all of them are separated, we are also constantly on the look out to move around within the UK maybe to Felixstowe area which would be good for my work, time will tell, If there is a way back to alberta for us I'll find it, right now it feels like we are trying to shove open a closed door, I am a trade and a truck driver with a Canadian class 1 the wife is an insurance broker and dog groomer, the only hurdle is making sure in 2 years of arriving we are not returning to England poorer because the kids don't have a future after age 21.
thats the reason why I keep looking for info and why experiences shared are so valuable. Cheers everyone who has contributed.


https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/regret-leaving-canada-940244/page2/

Another link to a thread I missed earlier, should be of some help, grim is canada it seems

AirborneDan

We’re well aware of the responsibilities and challenges of raising an autistic child. If we can move somewhere where the cost of living is less and the salary better, and more family support then it’s a worthwhile move, regardless of the scenery or how many bathrooms there’ll be

dbd33

I saw that you're thinking of moving to BC so I'm a bit puzzled as to where you're moving from, BC isn't renowned for having a reasonable cost of living relative to income, indeed the reverse is true.

Yes, if moving to Canada provides access to relatives who are willing and able to support an autistic person after the person's parents are dead, that makes sense.

scilly

I agree with almost everything that dbd33 has said about autism and Canada. Some people may or may not be surprised by that!

Two of my family members have children who are on the spectrum. Both children will probably be able to make a living in later life as they are both very intelligent but find life confusing and often unable to concentrate on matters at hand. One really does require constant coaching in remembering how to do certain things. Math is defeating!

Both have been diagnosed as on the spectrum and needing help in school, which is a huge factor.

The children live in other provinces, while we are in BC. Every one of those 3 provinces seem to be the same ............... diagnosing of autism or other learning difficulties such as dyslexia rarely occurs before a child is in school, often as late as Grade 7, even though the parents know "something is wrong", the ability to get to see a professional is daunting. I have no reason to believe that other provinces are any better.

Neither children really do get much practical help in school as there are not enough Education Assistants for every child that needs one .............. they get help from an EA who can take a few minutes away from their real charge. Their parents spend hours per week helping them understand projects and reinforcing things already learnt.

From what I have heard from others re the help that is available in the UK, I really would not advise anyone to bring a child with autism to Canada unless you are willing to spend a lot of money and time advocating for that child and making yourself a "pain in the neck" to school authorities. I do mean a lot of money!!

dbd33

While in Canada, the mother of my daughter did not work outside the home, she devoted most of her time to lobbying the school board and various government departments for forms of funding. There is, for example, respite care funding available but it's not straightfoward to claim. There was more money avilable for Catholic autistic children than other autistic children and still more for Catholic francophone autistic children. Since an autistic person has no opinion on religion and, in this case, no language, the person can be designated any of the above but it takes a lot of time and effort to game the system.

We split up around 1990 and estimated that the direct cost of the autism to the household was then about $45,000/yr. We used that as the support payment for the separation agreement and I've paid it and claimed it as a tax deduction ever since. I've been audited and the deduction has survived the audits. I therefore surmise that the CRA and, by implication, the government, accepts this as a reasonable claim for out-of-pocket expenses related to having an autistic familty member. It's likely more now, costs having risen over 30+ years. Scilly's "a lot of money" nails it.

Again though, supporting an autistic person who has living relatives is the cheap bit, there's also the need to save for the years when there are no parents and all living costs for the autistic person are billable. I don't see how ordinary people can generate that level of funding.

wardy_1990

Just out of curiosity, do you think you both as parents have more disposable income separated, say for instance me and the wife "split", I pay her and have a tax deduction each year, does that work out better in the long run on cost?