scrubbedexpat091

I came to Canada for my wife but have never really wanted to be here, and I don't particularly like it since I moved from a large metro area of 3 million to a city of 70,000.

I have never really adjusted well and gave up my education when I came here since tuition is quite a bit higher and financial aid less then it was in California.

I would have to think long and hard before moving to another country again for someone, its always caused stress in the marriage.

woodworm

Yes. I met my (then boy-friend, now husband, who is Canadian) in New Zealand, we both were there to check out that country with a perspective to work and live there, decided it wasn't for us, then he came to stay in my home country (Germany) and since he wasn't going to be able to learn the language sufficiently enough to make a living, it was either break up or me moving to Canada, which after 2 years of flying back and forth, I did.

it seemed that way in the beginning, but it only took 4 months after the paperwork was submitted

I don' t know yet..been here 5 years.. Since I didn't move here because I wanted to be in CANADA , but to be with him, I probably have other issues with it than someone who wants to be specifically in Canada... don't get me wrong, I like it.. but I don't think I want to get old here
on top of that my husband shares the same view, so for long term planning we are looking to move to a warmer destination

Alberta_Rose

I think if he can't get work in the UK and he has a good job offer in Canada and an entitlement to be here, then it makes sense to move here.

You'll probably enjoy Vancouver if you embrace it and don't come here with the attititude of "giving up your whole life" to be with him.

You will be able to work, and it's a good way to at least get out of the house and avoid sitting at home feeling homesick, lonely and building resentment while he's out working, .... but personally I have never made real friends through work, just colleagues. Try to find a club/group with similar interests, and preferably one that you both have in common as well, and you will soon build common friends.

This doesn't have to be the rest of your life necessarily anyway. Think of it as a great opportunity to see a great country. Who knows what the future will bring? It's hard to leave parents etc, but don't think of it as forever ....

nessamj

I am going through the exact same thing, jsut on the other side.

I lived in london for 2 years and met my partner 6 months into it, and he lives in Cumbria! LDR the whole time! When I had to leave, it wasn't planned and I had no choice, but we always talked about him moving to Canada because thats where my heart is.

Fastforward 6 months later, he's going through the last stage of his BUNAC and our fingers are crossed. He feels the EXACT same as you. He's got a nice life witha great job and lots of family n friends around. Of course there's going to be peaks n troughs in a relationship so I try to divert the "moving to be with me" aspect, cuz i dont believe in it.

I tell him taht im a bonus. Of course i hope the relationship lasts n we end up married or something some day, but i think his/your focus should be on moving abroad. Maybe temp maybe perm, but its an amazing experience that money cant buy and school cant teach. I think you should look at this as your own person journey and how much your going to grow as a person and the amazing feats your going to accomplish. Moving countries is very difficult, but its also incredibly enriching. Once you do it, you'll feel so proud of yourself and you'll realize how much in this world you didnt know. Everyday has at least a little bit of excitement and brand new feelings.

Family and Home aren't goin anywhere. If Canada's too much you can just go back, but i think that an opportunity like this, if not taken advantage of, will have you forever wondering "what if...".

Dive in. Have fun. Relax!

Good luck!
Vanessa

montreal mike

am surprised daedra hasn't posted to this thread

as i recall she is an ex-montrealer. now in the UK, and is (was) hoping to return to Canada with her boyfreind

DaveLovesDee

I moved to Canada for love and I'm still here, and happily married.

I decided that the easiest way of settling in was to enjoy myself and keep busy. It worked for me.

Caitilin

Actually its the boyfriends who never seem to be able to keep up with me thats the issue!

skyturner

My partner is canadian (BC) we met on the internet in 2002 and because I have kids here she sold up to move to the UK for an agreed 10 years until I thought my kids were old enough and mature enough to deal with my move to BC permanently. Lots of visits to BC convinces me that it will be my best move ever with the only exception of leaving my family, my ideal was for my kids and parents to come with me, however, all have built up a resentment to my partner as they feel she is stealing me away and refuse to even holiday in BC. Now a barrier has developed as we announced our forthcoming marriage later in the year and I have been slated as choosing my OH over my family (I also have a child with my partner who my whole family adore). Now because of the stress I might just throw the towel in and move to BC later this year, that will be stressful in itself but at least it is done then and I don't have to prolong the torture for another 3 years. Apart from family upsets Canada is a wonderful place, people are friendlier and more relaxed and laid back, the country is beautiful and there is lots to do recreationally. My advice: Go ahead make the move!

dboy

I was in a similar situation to you and moved to Vancouver to be with my now ex wife. It was somewhat easier for me in that I was used to moving around having been in the Royal Navy and when i met the ex i was living we were living the US - San Diego. So the homesick thing was not really a huge issue for me.

Vancouver is a great place to live although i've heard that work can be difficult to find due to net working. I asked my OH (shes born and breed in Vancouver) and she agreed that it was all about net working.

Winter weather gets glooomy but summer is amazing. Weather will really turn around in the next couple of months. If you like the outdoors this is the place to be - sking, sailing, mountain biking (best in the world), kayaking, scuba diving, etc

I came to Vancouver on a visitors permit 16 years ago, got married about 3 months later and then was sponsered while in Canada by my ex. It was a nightmare and i could n't work for close to a year. I was almost deported and had to get a lawyer (long story). I came very, very close to leaving. Glad i did n't looking back. Anywhere in the world sucks if you have no social connections, no family, no job, etc

My concern for you is the doubts that you are having and the potential of blaming your OH if you are not happy here. Relationships are tough at the best of times the added stress of a move (which is a major life altering event) and settling in with new friends and co workers adds to the strain. Believe me I know - been there done that. Absence of family is awful when the chips are down.

I hit rock bottom when my marriage fell apart about 3 years ago. I went back to the UK for about 6 weeks and was toying with the idea of moving back - but i absolutely hated England (manchester) and realized that nostalgia fades quickly. I have felt very settled here ever since.

As far as the construction industry goes - it is really starting to slow down here and I read a couple of weeks ago in the Vancouver Sun that 25,000 jobs will be lost in construction in BC for 2009.

You don't just move somewhere and all is fabulous over night - it takes work and time just like a relationship.

Good luck

gaijin

Hi!

Well I guess there are a lot of us out there. I have been in Canada for 4 months now, and I moved out because of my partner.

I met my boyfriend while we were both working overseas. He had to go home and I spent a year going through the should I/ shouldn’t I drama, since I was very happy living at home. I finally decide to come because the worst that could happen is we split up and I go home. If I didn't come we would split up and I would be at home, so I figured there was nothing to loose.

Since I have been here, I have found Canada really hard, its unbelievably cold, its difficult to find a job and I found it really hard to meet people. I have lived abroad before and I found it much easier before but I don’t regret my decision. I have only been here for a short time and think things will get better when I settle in, and everyone tells me how great it will be in the summer. I learned to ice skate, that is something I would never have done at home.

The stress of it all does cause a lot of fights but when it is good it makes it all worth it. I nearly didn’t come here, over a fight we had about him not helping with the visa. But to be honest there was nothing he could have done that I couldn’t have done, and probably better as I did more research into the visa process .I don’t know whether we will work or not, but like I said if we don’t I will be exactly where I was a year ago, with another year of an experience, and without the nagging doubt of “what would have happened if I had gone?”

I was all caught up with the I am giving up my life for him, but my sister pointed out its not like you can never go home. Its 8 hours away! I spent longer trying to get round the M25 last summer. Vancouver is a little further, but it’s not really far on the whole scheme of things, you can still get home in less than a day if need be. Don’t let the stress of it all get to you, as that is what will break the relationship; you are not giving up your life for him. You are just adding another experience into it.

Have realistic expectations, it wont all fall into place the second you step off the plane and plan it more carefully than I did, come out at the start of summer, It makes a difference.

dannyg1001

where abouts in Canada did you move to?

dannyg1001

I moved to Canada for a girl.... we split up after 8 months of living here, but I loved it so i stayed on my own and have never looked back!

gaijin

I moved to Toronto

dannyg1001

ah ok fair enough, when you said it was too cold I thought maybe you lived in Edmonton. I have a large network of British mates who i could have introduced you to.

First couple of years I felt exactly the same, after I split with the missus I was very lonely and struggled to meet people. I really liked Canada as a country, was obviously a great place to live so i stuck it out... best thing i ever did was start a footy team! I advertised it as a team for British immigrants and now I have 2 teams, and loads of mates who have moved over in the last few years like me!

Point is, it takes time to establish yourself. Soon you'll forget you ever felt like that!

good luck

gaijin

Ha ha ha. Thanks

I know people tell me Toronto is not that cold compared to other places, but I not exactly the bravest solider in the squad when it comes to winter.

I will stick it out for the time being. ( I read my post back, it sounded quite depressing! never meant it to be). I'm not unhappy here, just impatient!