Originally Posted by Aberdeen_Loon (Post 10309256)

This sounds so much like what I went through when I was your age (not to sound condescending or like I’m a million years old). Perhaps my experiences might be of interest to you. On the other hand, I was in quite a different situation, having grown up here (although I too was born in the UK).

I came to Canada when I was only three years old. I don’t remember much about my life back in Scotland before I came here, but I did have several holidays over there and spent a couple of entire summers there too. I always thoroughly enjoyed myself when I was over there, and I suppose my mother kind of painted a picture of the place that was slightly idealized and based on outdated ideas of what life was really like.

She never really felt completely Canadian until the last few years of her life here, and because of that I think she created a bit of a monster in me in some ways. She also never got me my Canadian Citizenship, and throughout my teenage years I increasingly felt more and more Scottish and like I belonged over there.

Things also started to come to a head when my parents were going through serious marital difficulties, although they never divorced (they probably should have). It was pretty hard on me, so my response at the time was just to run away and head off over to Scotland to go to university (strangely, my mother then tried to stop me from going and started criticizing life in Scotland, after building it up for so many years).

I made a few really silly mistakes when I left. First of all, I didn’t get my Canadian Citizenship beforehand. Secondly, I decided to study law, which was really not transferable (at least not for me, although things have improved somewhat in that regard in recent years for others). Thirdly, I went as a foreign student (even though I am a British Citizen, I had to pay foreign student fees in Scotland).

After I finished my first year, my mum lost her job and we got into some real financial difficulties. We had a difficult time scraping together my tuition fees, and I had to work several part-time jobs to support myself. I was living in Scotland full-time and couldn’t even return to Canada for a holiday during the final two years of my stay over there (it wasn’t like I got to come “home” for the summer, although I did manage two Easter holidays back while I lived over there).

Anyway, even though I had wanted so badly to escape Canada and had badmouthed the place when I left, I started to feel homesick after a while. Although I had aunts, uncles and cousins over there, I missed my parents, my brother and a dear aunt who was like a second mother to me over here. I also started to find different aspects of British life a little annoying. I found the class system stifling and very restrictive. I missed conveniences like shops being open until 9:00. It also felt like so many people over there were in a rut and still talking about the same things year after year. While I could get jobs very easily, they were always low-paid retail jobs, even with a university degree. I needed more. Frankly, I started to obsess over wanting to be in Toronto and the sights and sounds of the city, and I wondered if I would ever walk down Yonge Street again.

I don’t want to make it sound like I hated my time spent over there because there are still people, places and things from Aberdeen that I miss sorely. And the transition was very difficult when I came back here. I even had to fight to return here because I didn’t have Canadian Citizenship (although I do now). Almost as soon as I arrived back, I started to experience reverse cultural shock and wondered if I had done the right thing. I again became very negative about Canada – at least for a while.

It was very weird because I had picked up a Scottish accent after only four years there (although more of an educated middle class Scottish accent). It should have been great for me in meeting women and talking to people in general, but somehow I couldn’t get past the feeling of being a foreigner in my own hometown. It was the weirdest feeling ever. People deliberately pretended not to understand me, and even after I told them a million times that I grew up here they sort of conveniently forgot that and asked me questions like what high school was like in Scotland.

Anyway, to make a long story short, after a long transition, I now feel far more Canadian than anything (although the fact that I contribute fairly regularly to a British expat forum must mean something – although I’m not even sure why I do it because I’m not much of an “expat” really). I am pretty happy here, although there are always aspects of British life I will miss. I haven’t been back in seven years, and although I could never see myself going back there permanently, I badly need a holiday in the UK at this point and am now beginning to wonder if I will ever walk down Union Street in Aberdeen again. Even an extended working holiday over there someday would be welcome, just not a permanent relocation.

This is really a long-winded way of me saying that you may only start to really appreciate Canada once you’ve been away for a few years. By all means, I think you should go over there and see how you like it, but don’t make the mistakes I made. As others have said, don’t leave without getting your Canadian Citizenship first. I also think a year or a semester at an English university would be a good thing, or even a summer job or a year spent right after graduating from university.

I also think you can pretty much lead a "British" way of life in Canada if you want to - at least in many parts of the country. In many ways, life really isn't that different when it all comes down to it, and our two countries really do share a lot in common.

As far as your degree being recognized, I don’t think you would have too many problems having your Canadian degree recognized in the UK. However, things aren’t as great the other way around. For a country full of immigrants, Canada can be very parochial when it comes to recognizing international qualifications and experience. Just remember that the economy isn’t too great in the UK right now (it’s worse than here).

Good luck!

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 10310116)

The problem was that you went to Scotland. If you'd gone to the UK down south you'd probably still be there.

Originally Posted by Aberdeen_Loon (Post 10310126)

Nah. The problem with England is it's full of English. ;)

Originally Posted by millie1993 (Post 10309156)

On that topic though, does having a Canadian degree put me at any advantage? a degree is a degree, and I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with it anyway (its an English degree), but I can't help wonder if being educated here makes any difference.

Originally Posted by millie1993 (Post 10309156)

Aw, wow :') I really don't know where to start, there's so many responses now. I didn't expect so many!

One thing that brought my spirits up today was an e-mail from my dad, offering me a chance to come over and visit again next summer. I'm over the moon now! Its exactly what I need, even if its just for a few weeks.

A lot of you keep suggesting I show my mum this thread, and I can see why, but I really don't think I could. That's initially why I wanted to delete this thread later, because I'm so paranoid she might stumble across it, which I don't perceive as a good thing :') Perhaps I won't delete it, however, because it might be useful to someone else in a similar situation. But yes, I can see why some of you might suggest I show my mum all of this, but I think it would be better if I wrote her something myself, or sat down and had a chat with her individually.

I actually did start to consider transferring or doing an exchange program in England, as some of you suggested. I probably could find a way, now that I actually think about it more seriously. I may look into that; the trouble is though, I'm already in my second year of university, so I don't know if I'll be able to save enough money to go during my third year. Realistically, I would probably be able to go by my forth year, but that's my last and final year; I don't want to mess it up. Perhaps it would be wiser to just get my degree here in Canada, and then put all my interest and effort into going to England. On that topic though, does having a Canadian degree put me at any advantage? a degree is a degree, and I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with it anyway (its an English degree), but I can't help wonder if being educated here makes any difference.

Also: " so would your mum still feel angry if you say moved from TO to Vancouver? Flights would be just as expensive, and you likely see each other just as little."

Somehow, I would say no, she wouldn't feel angry if I moved to Vancouver, because what it boils down to is the fact I want to move back to a place she thought I was better off away from. The difference is though, my mum has negative memories associated with England, but I don't; so, because she has these negative associations to the country, I presume she would feel betrayed if I went back - even though I personally don't have any bad memories. Its a little unfair, really.

Originally Posted by laurenhannah (Post 10311990)

Hi Millie,

i tried to private message you, but apparently i haven't posted enough yet!!

I have just read through this entire post, because what you originally wrote, is the exact thing i would of wrote word for word. I also moved here when i was 12 and felt/still do feel the exact same as you. Can you private message me as i'd really love to chat to you.

Take care,
Lauren
xx