I moved to Victoria, BC, Canada with my daughter six months ago and have been struggling lately. It was hard to find a job, much harder than I thought it would be, and it seems just as hard to find new friends. Has anyone else found it hard during their first few months of being in a new country? Is there anyone in the expats who lives in the Victoria area who wouldn't mind meeting sometime to share experiences?
Donniboo

Yes, it seems everybody (or almost everybody, should I say) is going through the same hardship and problems. People who move with a job already landed, they are in the best position. People who can find a professional job in the first few months are alright. But it gets tough sometimes so that you even cannot find a survival job, and it gets even better when people around you, to whom you've turned to get some encouragement, start attacking you and calling you "whining wimpy newcomer"!
Yes it gets really hard sometimes! But you need to hang in there!

[QUOTE=wcitizen it gets even better when people around you, to whom you've turned to get some encouragement, start attacking you and calling you "whining wimpy newcomer"!
[/QUOTE]

Just to be clear - I dont think he is actually calling you a "whining wimpy newcomer"! Just giving you some examples!

Keep at it though!

Mrs G

Hi there. I'm not living in Victoria at the moment (I'm in England) but Victoria is where I'm from. Have you check out the Victoria Immigration and Refugee Centre? http://www.vircs.bc.ca/ It's a great place. I found out about it many years ago when working with a man from Columbia who had immigrated to Victoria. He was very involved with it and helped promote a lot of the Latin American music festivals and cultural events around town. There are people from all over the world involved in the organization as well as many local Canadians. It's a very positive, upbeat organization.

If that doesn't do it for you, I could recommend a variety of organizations to get involved in to meet people, depending on your interest. Just let me know.

Also, I think very normal to be struggling at the 'six months' marker. It seems to be when the novelty of your new life wears off and reveals an alone-ness, strangness, sadness and a feeling of not belonging that pretty much any migrant experiences. You are definitely not alone in experiencing that.

Let me know if I can help you find something in Victoria that might suit your needs.

Hi Donniboo, Welcome.

Sounds like maybe its the normal culture shock thing, but yes, nearly everyone goes through it to some extent, it gets easier in time as you get used to the canadian way of doing things and your expectations change and you meet new people and generate the support group you took for granted in your old life.

Making new friends is pretty much a case of going out to do it as they arent going to come to you. Join a few organisations (I went back to playing in a local band...something I havent done for 20 years), or volunteer for a worthy cause if you havent done so already.

I'm nowhere near Victoria, but Willmore is, so maybe she could tear herself away from the lounge and introduce herself Shes canadian, but we dont hold that against her (much)

Good Luck

Iain

Hi Donniboo and welcome to Canada and Victoria - living in paradise.

I'm sorry to hear that your first 6 months haven't been easy. I don't know what more I can add that hwp hasn't already said, but I'll try to make a contribution.

It can be very difficult to obtain a job in Victoria - it's mostly senior citizens, folks working for the feds or prov govt, the university or own their own business. You haven't mentioned whether you are actually working now or not, if not yet once you do that will be another opportunity for you to meet people. As well, meeting parents at the school where your daughter attends would be a good in.....there may be opportunities there for you to help out at the school. My husband and I both do work at my little's guys kindergarten at least 2x week.....There also may be groups within the school that you could join and get involved.

Being a single parent (and I'm making a huge assumption from your message that you are)....makes things difficult. My husband and I have lived on the west coast for a number of years and find Victoria both clique and not. It can be difficult to make friends and seem very lonely in a new city until you do. Unfortuntely being the newcomer you really have to make the effort to meet people and get to know them. I'm amazed at what a small network of people Victoria has. As hwp has suggested there are lots of organs to join including single parents, volunteering at environmental organ, church groups, going to the gym,etc. etc.....Really depends on your interests.....Sometimes just walking along Dallas Road from Clover Point to the Break Water on a nice day....people will stop and chat or going to Beacon Hill Park with your daughter....having kids is an easy "in" to meet other parents.

As well with spring well on the way, there will be tons of people out at the beaches now...Dallas road is a great place to hang out.......

As well, there are lots of areas that have communal gardens where you can get a plot of land and grow your own vegetables.....not knowing your interests it's hard to know your likes and dislikes....

I don't know how more I can add - without more info.....if I can be of any further help just yell.....or pm me and I'll try to help you.....

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my message. Unfortunately my daughter is 18 and doesn't go to school, so there's no chance of meeting up with parents in the playground, like I used to do. I have a part time job which doesn't really cover the bills but it's better than no income at all. There aren't many people where I work and they're mostly much younger than me. I've done two courses at Camosun College, partly to meet people, but so far haven't really found anyone who seems to want to 'be friends'. I guess these things take time....

Victoria is a lovely city and I'm sure I'll grow to think of it as 'home' after a while. I guess you can't just turn your life completely upside down and have an easy time of it.

Thanks for your kind words and support.

Donniboo

Glad I caught you before I had to run for the night. You seem very depressed about your situation, and I feel badly about that. But you're the only one that can make it happen. I know this sounds harsh.....living in a new city and being all alone, but people aren't going to come knocking on your door. As I mentioned if nothing else go to the Volunteer Victoria Agency on View Street - they have pages of computer listings of organizations,etc....that are begging for volunteers. The Horticulture Society of the Pacific is always looking for volunteers to work in the gardens.....great fun and a good way to meet people.

Take your lunch one day and go and take a walk along Dallas Road to the Break Water.......there are lots of people walking along the area who will stop and chat......don't just sit at home and hope that things are going to get better for you.....you really and truly need to make the effort or else any city not just Victoria can be very lonely indeed. Take a walk through Ross Bay Cemetry and down to the Chinese Cemetry to look at the tidal pools......there are many people in Victoria as lonely as you.....but don't know how to break the ice.....

What area of town do you live in?

Never give up, never surrender ... it does get better

You could try going to the Newcomers Club, I don't know if they have one in your area, but that would be a great way to make friends. They do loads of activities.

http://www.newcomersclub.com/bc.html#Victoria

Hope this helps and go along as it can only help getting out.

Sonia

Find the local Moms & Tots group - the local Church or community centre is likely to have one. You will meet lots of new (ish) Moms feeling the same as you do. The transition to staying home with a child after going to work is just as lonely for some.

There will also be a playground somewhere for the very young toddler - go hang out there and meet some other Moms.

Willmore will know the answer to this - is there one of those places where the children can climb the structures and bounce off the foamies? Its called Lets Play in Calgary. Anyway, the point is that these places have play areas for the under threes - another way to meet Moms.

Mrs G

maybe a bit drastic but buy a dog!
I bought one ( in Uk) 2 years ago. I have spoken to more people in the last 2 years than I ever have in the previous 6. If I was single I reckon my dog would have found me a mate. God their are some really nice men that have gone mushy over my beagle! They love dogs in Canada.

Failing that try starting your own expats group in Victoria, advertise in a local paper and see if you get any response, You may find a lot of people like yourself that are just waiting for someone to suggest a meeting.
Advertise on college noticeboards, etc. Stipulate an age group and try and find a venue, local pub , etc. there is a Yahoo forum group that meets up in Vancouver. try starting a group on yahoo for New to the Island people?
See if you get any response. it might just get you to meet simlar people. I know you may want to mix with the natives a bit, rather than expats. But the island is made up of immigrants anyway.
Once you have a few mates and get out on social days you'll meet other people. Just a thought.

OK its been pointed out by PM that I misread your post - your daughter is 18yrs not 18months! Would have been an interesting sight though....

I promise to try harder next time. Just know that I had your best interests at heart.

Mrs G

Thanks to the people who've replied since my last message. Mrs G, you made me laugh... I was imagining my 18yr old romping around the playground with the tiny tots!

I'd love to get a dog but my landlord won't allow it... maybe one day I will be able to buy my own little mobile home and get a dog... I can dream....

I live off Richmond Road in Victoria, so I'm nice and near all kinds of places. I will follow the advice to get out and about if I can, but I work Mon-Fri and go to my parents house to do some cleaning on a Saturday to supplement my income, it doesn't leave much time for voluntary work or going out, especially as I have my own cleaning to do and homework for my bookkeeping course, but there's always Sundays...

It's hard to stay positive sometimes, but all of your kind comments and advice have really helped.

Thanks again everyone and have a great weekend.
Donniboo

Glad to hear I served a purpose today!

Mrs G