Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201907)

Perhaps a poo poem might aid production of a poo story.


Do you have a fear
Of releasing large brown logs
To block up all the u-bends
And scare off neighbours dogs

Do you start to panic
When your colon starts to sing
That it needs to slip a brown job
And stretch that tiny ring

Do you time your morning
Never shit outside your zone
You hold your 'baby' in so tight
And brown out in your home

You really need to try and change
Where you set your brown jobs free
Release your inhibitians now
And shit behind a tree

We want to hear poo stories
And tales that you have heard
Because the thread is dedicated to
The finest, biggest turds.

:D

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201579)

Im sorry but its my favourite subject of toilet talk again.

I was talking to my friend the other day and she said that she wouldnt dare go for a dump in her toilet at work or if she can help it, anywhere other than her own toilet at home.

Now I dont really give a shit (excuse the pun) and when a girls got to go, a girls got to go.

Having just used the toilet (we only have one ladies loo on our floor), I allowed myself to imagine the horror that some others feel when they do a brown birthing outside their comfort zone.

We are lucky enough to have an old fashioned toilet with a suction so powerful that your arse nearly goes down the pan, so chopping up a log is no hardship for our toilet.

Now providing nobody is listening outside, I am happy to lighten the load in any toilet and would even welcome a magazine or newspaper to aid my time in there, well a coffee machine would be nice but that is asking too much.

And if anyone is listening outside, then I put loads of loo paper down the pan - well I do that anyway as I hate splash.

I really should be phobic though because one time in Italy, I needed to go as a matter of urgency and I used the toilet in the bistro Mr PP and I were at.

The loo was right next to some tables where diners were enjoying their meal and the toilet door was a good 12 inches above the floor - just like they were at my school where you could see your legs.

Anyway, I came, I saw and I relieved myself and when I went to flush the chain, to my horror there was a sign on the cistern of the toilet saying 'toilet out of order - no water'.

And sure enough there wasn't, all you could see was a brown dolphin at the bottom winking at me.

I ran out unnoticed by others and five minutes later I saw this waiter wearing rubber gloves and carrying a bucket, he was shouting 'bloody tourists cant even read!' and the people sitting at the table who hadnt seen me sneak in, had to be moved to a new table. They all made noises of disgust and held their noses.

My fault, all my fault for not being vigilant enough to read a sign. So you would think that would frighten me into a case of toilet phobia. But it hasn't and I have blocked the loo up on several occasions since.

So are you toilet phobic? Or do you not care where you go or if you block the toilet?

Do you have coping strategies that involve a sharp instrument or a toilet brush?

I mean, to all you toilet phobes out there, how on earth do you cope if you really really need to have a brown fish?

I will however, admit to being a trifle nervous of going to the Namib Desert when I go on holiday. What on earth do I do if I the need takes me?

If I shit in the sand, some poor animal could mistake it for a crunchy flapjack and that really wouldnt do.:unsure:

Come on toilet phobes, how do you cope?

:rofl:

Originally Posted by scott&rachel (Post 5201916)

Sam . yer really scraping the bottom of the pan now :)

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz (Post 5201920)

I like talking shit:lol:

But i have to say, i don't like using public loo's. They always stink like old grannies.
I squat....never sit on the seat. (only my home one).

There are big gaps at the side of the doors in the public loo's here in Perth. You can see people trying to look at you having a good wipe.

But i suffer constipation, so i hardly never go for a good ole crap anyway.:rofl:

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201931)

They try and look at you wiping yourself????? No way!:eek:

If I thought someone was doing that to me, I would give them something to look at.

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz (Post 5201936)

Yeah, show them the muck on the toilet paper:rofl:

Originally Posted by jerzo (Post 5201947)

I have a poo story although it might not be a ' proper poo story!!!'

When we had our son ( now 9) as the mother I did ALL the nappies and all the OH would do was comment "oh it stinks" (really?? :blink:) and "put it in a bag" so anyway one day I was doing said childs nappy and he comes in and says his piece (well rehearsed and a bit panto to me by now!)

mutter,mutter..... and he said "which kid dropped maltesers on the floor?? and i told him no-one has had them, he turned white as a ghost and proceeded to spit out all this mushy brown stuff from his mouth !! OMG he had eaten his own sons' poo :eek: , my mother and myself fell around laughing and I said "well if you'd ever changed him you would know that he's constipated sometimes and does ' pebble poop !!' Ah lifes little lessons!

He swears he can still taste it if he thinks about it:sneaky:

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201960)

:rofl: (noisy, wheezy laughter at my desk)

No way! OMFG I am crying and almost vomiting with laughter!

I am now going to have to and pee because I fear I might lose control of my bladder.

That has to be turd story of the year and you might have won 'The Turdinator' award.:thumbsup:

Originally Posted by jerzo (Post 5201979)

Are you serious?? I'll go write a speech:eek:

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201981)

Dare you!

Cant see anyone topping that story.:lol:

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201981)

Dare you!

Cant see anyone topping that story.:lol:

Originally Posted by Professional Princess (Post 5201960)

:rofl: (noisy, wheezy laughter at my desk)

No way! OMFG I am crying and almost vomiting with laughter!

I am now going to have to and pee because I fear I might lose control of my bladder.

That has to be turd story of the year and you might have won 'The Turdinator' award.:thumbsup: