Cheetah7

This is all rather odd, I am really looking forward to Christmas - Mr PP is working and Im going to the Orphans picnic with a friend on xmas morning and we shall have our xmas dinner in the evening.

Its all good, Im looking forward to it. But..... I feel ever so upset at the moment, I can't put my finger on it but I would pay handsomely to see my Dad/family/friends right now just for a short break yet I dont want to leave Mr PP either and he cant fly for ages now.

Ive been playing xmas carols all night on Youtube and I think Ive just upset myself. Mind you it will be 4 years on Boxing Day that Mum died so thats getting to me a bit, no actually its getting to me alot.

I just dont understand why this Christmas is a bit hard for me and how I am looking forward to it but I am upset as well .

Just thought I would get that off my chest.

I am going to make myself a mug of Milo now as a comfort drink, anyone want one?

MsGiraffe

Hi,

Just saw this by chance, sorry that you are feeling sad. Don't fight the memories of Christmas pasts, but alternate them with plans for your lovely future. Many of us feel very sensitive at this time of the year.

Sending you warm Christmas wishes from a very cold Ooop North!

MsGiraffe

Cheetah7

Sent you some karma for that - thank you

Pollyana

Does Milo work with a swig of rum in it?

Hugs for you, I am kind of feeling the same way, I want to go to sleep tonight and wake up sometime after March 3rd 2010.

Cheetah7

OOh I would love some rum in it, got dreadful period pain and Im not allowed to drink as Im on medication for heartburn so no alcohol for 8 weeks!!!!

I want my Mum, I bloody miss her.

Sally Simpson

Sam, I hate to tell you this but it is 30 years since my mum died & I still have moments like this, they sneak up on me when least expected.
Just have a good cry & indulge the moment because it will pass. I always feel that somehow my mum knows how sad I still am that she is not here but I have always believed that in some way she shares the special moments.
Unfortunately, this also probably means that she gets to see my less than fine moments too but I came to terms with that some time ago.
Your loss is relatively new so don't be surprised to still be missing her.
Big hug honey!

Pollyana

Try a small toddy, might make the medication work better - works for me with Beechams Powders, far more effective when dissolved in wine

Hang in there, talk to her, she can quite probably hear you. I have spent the last hour having that kind of surreal conversation with someone, sitting out here alone in the dark talking to a spirit, and its kind of comforting.

kporte

Going to be a strange xmas for me too. Not a big xmas fan but I am a big people fan and the person nearest to me is a bit further away than I'd like..... My parents back in the UK are in their late 80's now ( blessed by having a surprise-me!- in their late 40's) and I can't shake the feeling I will never see them again. I have no idea where I am going with this other than to offer you support PP, and to let you know I understand.... xxx

Sally Simpson

Perhaps it is time to plan a trip back to see them. Don't ignore your instincts KP!

Cheetah7

I thought i was over it, moved on etc but I keep thinking that this time 4 years ago, I spent xmas living in the hospice. I remember watching midnight mass on TV on my own, the nurses made me a hot drink and I was singing on my own

I went to mums bed and said 'Merry christmas mum - you made it to xmas day then' Then later that day - Xmas Day, Mr PP and I renewed our wedding vows with the family by her bed and afterwards Mum had tears pouring down her cheeks and she passed the next day - Boxing Day.

And you know what? this year I am really really struggling.

kporte

Went back in June and sat and had endless cups of tea and talked about who they had outlived and the terrible youth of today! They are puritanical about booze, so I carried two bottles of wine in a backpack and cracked them open when I got to my sis's, who I was staying with! The daft Bastards sent me a gift voucher for 200 bucks yesterday.... In spite of my demand that they don't send presents due to the fact they have 11 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren along with the fact I am 43 and a card would be just fine.....

Pollyana

Don't suppose its a voucher redeemable at Dan Murphy's?

Cheetah7

Where do you live in Australia? Shame you are not near me, we could have a few drinks and you could come round for christmas.

kporte

I am a celebrity greeted at the door at Dan's Middle Park!

Sally Simpson

I remember my mum's last few days as though they just happened & as I said, it was 30 years ago. It gets easier in as much as the sad times get fewer but when it hits you, it is as though it just happened.
I guess my belief that she is still around me helps me to deal with it. I feel that she shares in my triumphs etc but also sees the bad bits, stuff I wish I'd done differently etc but I know she loves me wherever she is & forever, just as your mum does you!