Blossom

The population of this country is 20 million.


11 million are retired.


That leaves 9 million to do the work.


There are 5 million in school


Which leaves 4 million to do the work.


Of this there are 2 million employed by the federal government.


Leaving 2 million to do the work.


0.1 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Bin-Laden.


Which leaves 1.9 million to do the work.


Take from that total the 1.5 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 0.4 million to do the work.


At any given time there are 18,800 people in hospitals.


Leaving 381,200 to do the work.


Now, there are 380,198 people in prisons.


That leaves just two people to do the work.


You and me.


And there you are,


Sitting on your ass,


At your computer, reading jokes.


Nice. real nice.

paulry

And when you do make it to work:

(I love number 8 )

Way to keep healthy level of insanity in the workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many."
8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favours."
10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep 'em tuned up."
12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think?"
13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet.
14. Sit in the car park at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

tiredwithtwins

I think number 14 is fekkn hilarious!!

wanttobedownunder

Yeh but when I got home after doing all of the above

I found my wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. I asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas."

I questioned her as to why she was going and she told me "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free".

I pondered that then went into the house and packed my bags and returned to the porch and with my wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going too!!" I replied.

"Why?" She asked.

"I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year"!