where should we go from here?
Apr 8th 2008, 1:58 pm
#31
Aussie lost in the UK
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Terrigal, NSW Central Coast
Posts: 682
Re: where should we go from here?
We have a similar issue brewing...
I'm Australian and love it here.
My girlfriend is English...
Iived there for 3-4 years and we moved back to Australia last August...
Here, our jobs etc mean we have a much better life - we have a bigger place, drive nicer cars, eat out more often, holiday more, can afford to do more. There is so much about it here that is better for us. We talk about it, and my OH agrees that some things are a lot better here....
However, she 'feels' like england is her home - and she is already talking about moving back..... I'm not really sure what the feeling is because for the last 2 years in England she was going on about how she was sick of the weather, sick of her family, sick of her job and how great a new start in Aust would be....
we have been her 12 months and although everything has sorted itself for us (house, jobs, cars etc) she 'feels' like England is home....
For me, I don't really mind. I love both places, I love travelling in Europe and all the things the UK has to offer, but know that life in the uK (for us anyway) is much more of a financial struggle than it is here in Australia......
We will probably live the next 30 years going backwards and forwards.....
Noone has the right answer, no two people are the same..... Sometimes I don't even know where I want to live, how is anyone else going to know for me!!
We always approach things with a 'if you never go, you never know' attitude, and we try not to argue about it........
for us, both places are great to live, just deciding which one is BETTER than the other is the hard part....
I'm Australian and love it here.
My girlfriend is English...
Iived there for 3-4 years and we moved back to Australia last August...
Here, our jobs etc mean we have a much better life - we have a bigger place, drive nicer cars, eat out more often, holiday more, can afford to do more. There is so much about it here that is better for us. We talk about it, and my OH agrees that some things are a lot better here....
However, she 'feels' like england is her home - and she is already talking about moving back..... I'm not really sure what the feeling is because for the last 2 years in England she was going on about how she was sick of the weather, sick of her family, sick of her job and how great a new start in Aust would be....
we have been her 12 months and although everything has sorted itself for us (house, jobs, cars etc) she 'feels' like England is home....
For me, I don't really mind. I love both places, I love travelling in Europe and all the things the UK has to offer, but know that life in the uK (for us anyway) is much more of a financial struggle than it is here in Australia......
We will probably live the next 30 years going backwards and forwards.....
Noone has the right answer, no two people are the same..... Sometimes I don't even know where I want to live, how is anyone else going to know for me!!
We always approach things with a 'if you never go, you never know' attitude, and we try not to argue about it........
for us, both places are great to live, just deciding which one is BETTER than the other is the hard part....
Apr 10th 2008, 2:44 am
#32
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 78
Re: where should we go from here?
I moved to the UK for my husband, I really didnt want to but he wasnt happy in OZ (not that he really gave it a proper go) and although he never forced me to there was the emotional pressure to, but he agreed if I was not happy we would go back.
Now 3 years on I want to go back, and the guilt I feel is really bad about this, he knows what he said and he is really resenting it but as he says 'has no choice' so I feel like the monster forcing him to live where he doesnt want to...but then I only feel like a visitor here, I just do not see myself living here for the rest of my life.
As a comprise I have agreed to Melbourne, not back to Sydney were we were living and to have another child here (maternity pay is much better) first, so have decided to put off applying for his spouse visa at least a year.
Part of the reason he was not happy as he was locked in a job he hated as it was a sponsered business visa and basically had a very rose coloured view on the help and support his family would give us here in the UK - he thought there would be loads..and there was none!
I am sure we are not unusual but still it makes it hard and its been rough on our relationship - I am a real 'just get on with it' sort of person but have learnt to back off about the whole move as he just put on his stoney face and would refuse to talk about it.
It is tough all round.
PS: Although I am originally a kiwi and NZ will always be home, I never intend to live there again, spent more of my adult life in Australia - so its okay to refer to the UK as home.
Now 3 years on I want to go back, and the guilt I feel is really bad about this, he knows what he said and he is really resenting it but as he says 'has no choice' so I feel like the monster forcing him to live where he doesnt want to...but then I only feel like a visitor here, I just do not see myself living here for the rest of my life.
As a comprise I have agreed to Melbourne, not back to Sydney were we were living and to have another child here (maternity pay is much better) first, so have decided to put off applying for his spouse visa at least a year.
Part of the reason he was not happy as he was locked in a job he hated as it was a sponsered business visa and basically had a very rose coloured view on the help and support his family would give us here in the UK - he thought there would be loads..and there was none!
I am sure we are not unusual but still it makes it hard and its been rough on our relationship - I am a real 'just get on with it' sort of person but have learnt to back off about the whole move as he just put on his stoney face and would refuse to talk about it.
It is tough all round.
PS: Although I am originally a kiwi and NZ will always be home, I never intend to live there again, spent more of my adult life in Australia - so its okay to refer to the UK as home.
Apr 12th 2008, 7:31 am
#33
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 11
Re: where should we go from here?
I moved to the UK for my husband, I really didnt want to but he wasnt happy in OZ (not that he really gave it a proper go) and although he never forced me to there was the emotional pressure to, but he agreed if I was not happy we would go back.
Now 3 years on I want to go back, and the guilt I feel is really bad about this, he knows what he said and he is really resenting it but as he says 'has no choice' so I feel like the monster forcing him to live where he doesnt want to...but then I only feel like a visitor here, I just do not see myself living here for the rest of my life.
As a comprise I have agreed to Melbourne, not back to Sydney were we were living and to have another child here (maternity pay is much better) first, so have decided to put off applying for his spouse visa at least a year.
Part of the reason he was not happy as he was locked in a job he hated as it was a sponsered business visa and basically had a very rose coloured view on the help and support his family would give us here in the UK - he thought there would be loads..and there was none!
I am sure we are not unusual but still it makes it hard and its been rough on our relationship - I am a real 'just get on with it' sort of person but have learnt to back off about the whole move as he just put on his stoney face and would refuse to talk about it.
It is tough all round.
PS: Although I am originally a kiwi and NZ will always be home, I never intend to live there again, spent more of my adult life in Australia - so its okay to refer to the UK as home.
Now 3 years on I want to go back, and the guilt I feel is really bad about this, he knows what he said and he is really resenting it but as he says 'has no choice' so I feel like the monster forcing him to live where he doesnt want to...but then I only feel like a visitor here, I just do not see myself living here for the rest of my life.
As a comprise I have agreed to Melbourne, not back to Sydney were we were living and to have another child here (maternity pay is much better) first, so have decided to put off applying for his spouse visa at least a year.
Part of the reason he was not happy as he was locked in a job he hated as it was a sponsered business visa and basically had a very rose coloured view on the help and support his family would give us here in the UK - he thought there would be loads..and there was none!
I am sure we are not unusual but still it makes it hard and its been rough on our relationship - I am a real 'just get on with it' sort of person but have learnt to back off about the whole move as he just put on his stoney face and would refuse to talk about it.
It is tough all round.
PS: Although I am originally a kiwi and NZ will always be home, I never intend to live there again, spent more of my adult life in Australia - so its okay to refer to the UK as home.
Apr 13th 2008, 11:51 pm
#35
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2,225
Re: where should we go from here?
Holidays are nothing like what it's actually like to live in another country, you really need to make sure you haven't got a dose of lingering post holiday blues.
Give it 6 months and if you still feel the urge perhaps talk to your wife about coming out for a trial period - say 18 months or so. It's doesn't have to be a permanent thing by any means. If your wife knows it's time limited then she may deal with the homesickness a bit better. With any luck by the time the 18 months is up she may have adapted enough to give it a go longer term.
Give it 6 months and if you still feel the urge perhaps talk to your wife about coming out for a trial period - say 18 months or so. It's doesn't have to be a permanent thing by any means. If your wife knows it's time limited then she may deal with the homesickness a bit better. With any luck by the time the 18 months is up she may have adapted enough to give it a go longer term.
