We have lived in Sydney for nearly 2 years now and I love it. Sure I miss my friends and family but I love the sun, blue skys, my job, the lifestyle etc however, my husband just wants to go back to England. I honestly don't know what to do as I think this could split us up if we are not very careful. My kids could go either way at the moment so it is really down to the two of us. My marriage is far more important than where I live but I don't want to go back and then resent him. All my friends and family think we are mad to think of going back and that doesn't help. Can anyone offer advice? I can't be the only one in this position so what did others do? I know if I really inisisted, my OH would stay for longer but I don't want him to be unhappy either.

Sam

This is a hard one and comes up a lot, you are not alone. First step is a long and very frank discussion between the both of you. You need to get everything out and really see clearly where you both stand. Either way, one will be disappointed, I guess you just have to find out which of you will be the least sorry to live somewhere, when they would rather be elsewhere....

First of all dont let what family and friends think even come into your mind. Your immediate problem is you both want different things.

I would suggest you talk to him alone without the kids and outside of the house. Go out for a meal, get away for a weekend - anything to get you both on to neutral territory.

You dont want him to be unhappy, he probably doesnt want you to be unhappy so the only answer is a compromise.

Work out what you would settle for in the UK if you HAD to move back and then work out what you would settle for in Australia if he HAD to stay.

Do a timeframe, tell him you would move back to the UK but please, could he consider staying longer and what would need to change in order for him to do this?

Ask him for more time but make sure you keep up the lines of communication because although you say it could split you up, all the sunshine in the world wont replace a marriage and you might find if he went back and you didnt, you will realise that what you thought was important, now isnt.

But please ask for a compromise, ask for time, get him to talk about how he is feeling and take it from there.

I hope you sort it, it cant be easy for either of you.

I think PP has said it all.

Good luck.

has hubby been specific about WHY he hoesnt like it here? is it just where you are now, or the job etc?

Thanks everyone for your replies - you all make such good sense. We have talked - lots, and been very honest, but the bottom line is I want to stay and he wants to go. He says he likes Sydney but just doesn't want to live here. He misses his family and has not really made any good friends yet. His work is not what he was doing in England as he is not qualified here to do it so his job is more menial. In all, it's no wonder he isn't settling I suppose. We did talk about staying another year but he is worried that if we do, we will all become more settled and less likely to head home. I agree we do need to keep talking and some time away from the kids is a good idea thanks. I don't want to make any rash decisions but the school year is meaning that we should be looking at heading back in a few months if we are going.

I really do appreciate your comments - thank you

Sam

Good luck Sam.

Would it be worth your husband going back for a holiday? He might just want to come back to Sydney and make a go of things?

That's actually a really good idea. It's possible he's got a 'grass is greener' attitude that would dissipate once he's spent some time back in the UK again. Of course it might also confirm that he definitely wants to move home but better have him absolutely sure than have you all move back and he's not happy in the UK either.

Good luck, it's a terrible position to be in.

Tx

My brother, his wife and 3 little ones went to Brisbane 2.5 years ago. He settled just fine apart from not really liking his job but my SIL just couldn't settle and was really homesick. To cut a long story short, they decided to up sticks and try somewhere different in Australia to see if that helped before moving back here. They moved down to Melbourne a year ago and are loving it My brother has found a new job which he's loving and my SIL has found it much easier to make a load of new friends. It was her 40th a couple of weeks ago and she had around 70 guests at her party. And 90% of those guests were people she had met since moving to Melbourne. They are both adamant that Oz is where they want to live from now on and would not consider moving back here.

Can you ask your hubby if he would consider moving to another place in Oz before throwing in the towel?

Good luck.

Julie. x

Hi there

Perhaps it would be a good idea to go back for a holiday. I've spoken to so many people who are homesick and thinking about moving back, then they get off the plane and think 'what have i done?'. Its easy to remember things differently when your a million miles away, but when reality hits, surely he'll realise how good you've got it here. If your hubby is struggeling to meet people, why not go along to one of the get togethers posted on here. I've dont it where we live and met loads of nice people.

Hope it works out for you both

Just my thoughts. I spoke to someone the other day who's son came back to UK after 6 years in OZ. HIs wife didn't want to come home but her kids did. They spent 6 weeks here and he realised he had made a big mistake and is now back in OZ. Hope you get it sorted.

Thanks for all your replies - it's good to have some impartial advice. We did go back for a holiday last year and this started him off wanting to go back more than ever - everyone was coming to see us, inviting us for dinner and making a fuss. I kept saying that real life would not be like this but he had virtually made his mind up then that he wanted to go back. I agree I will definitely think 'what have we done' when we land back in England but I really don't think he will. We have friends who are 'ping pong poms' too, they were only in England for a month before they were planning to return. He knows all this but he really is just quite singleminded about going back. We are going for a meal at weekend to talk properly away from the kids. We did talk briefly (we have relatives visiting at the moment) about staying another year but he feels that I may settle more and it will just be harder for me to leave. I would just like him to give it a proper go for another year rather than 'enduring' it just for me.

Sam