Well I thought it was funny
Jan 10th 2007, 1:10 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Now in Melbourne!!
Posts: 183
Well I thought it was funny
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jan 10th 2007, 1:28 pm
#2
happy to be here!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Ellenbrook, WA
Posts: 2,732
Re: Well I thought it was funny
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tracey
Tracey
Jan 10th 2007, 1:29 pm
#3
destination Cairns
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,839
Re: Well I thought it was funny
it is great what you can achieve withouttaking everything too serious (people where I work
can learn something from this).......
Jan 10th 2007, 1:29 pm
#4
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 2,199
Re: Well I thought it was funny
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jan 10th 2007, 1:38 pm
#5
on the Goldie
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: 4226.au
Posts: 12,364
Re: Well I thought it was funny
computer screen now smeared with coffee
Last edited by thewoodz; Jan 10th 2007 at 1:55 pm.
Jan 10th 2007, 5:39 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Ellenbrook WA
Posts: 809
Re: Well I thought it was funny
PMSL!!! Absolutely Brilliant.
Absolutely Brilliant.
Jan 10th 2007, 6:36 pm
#7
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Brentwood to QLD
Posts: 12
Re: Well I thought it was funny
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jan 10th 2007, 9:43 pm
#9
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 899
Re: Well I thought it was funny
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jan 10th 2007, 9:59 pm
#10
broken but got a visa! :
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: seaford,adelaide
Posts: 1,515
Re: Well I thought it was funny
Thats fantastic!
Thanks
Thanks
Jan 10th 2007, 11:38 pm
#11
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: North Rocky
Posts: 447
Re: Well I thought it was funny
Brilliant - made my day.
Jan 11th 2007, 11:46 pm
#12
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Now living in the Blue Mountains
Posts: 94
Re: Well I thought it was funny
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last......
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Jan 12th 2007, 12:52 am
#13
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 22,220
Re: Well I thought it was funny
genuine my arse!!
Jan 13th 2007, 9:57 am
#15
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: ex yeovil ...now CAIRNS!
Posts: 604