I don't post much nowadays but it's 5.30am here and can't sleep.

My Father passed away yesterday. I was called by my sister last night to come down to the hospital in Somerset where he has been for 2wks and he was on a respirator. We held a night vigil and this morning he hadn't really improved so it was a case of making him comfortable with normal oxygen and pain killers.

Thankfully he didn't really suffer and considering he was right as rain at Xmas, it's all been a bit sudden. I'm glad I took Wednesday off and went down to visit him, he was much more lucid, sitting in a chair and watching a video of My daughter on my tablet.

We didn't always see eye to eye as we viewed the world very differently. I spent so much time living away from my parents that I 'grew up' without them. But I'm very glad for the last few years we lived in the UK and had the chance to re-connect.

Dad was always healthy up until this and hardly had a day sick in his life, so for that we are thankful.

Don't know when my next ride will be but it will be in his memory.

Thanks for everything Dad.

I'm sorry that your Dad has died. It must be a difficult time for you emotionally with your new baby and your grief for your Dad's death.

I hope you find peace.

Your ride in memory of your Dad may be for sentiment or for your own remembrance.

Thinking of you.

(My friend's mum died at Easter last year. She was in hospital after being diagnosed with cancer. She died of multiple organ failure whilst a cancer treatment plan was being prepared. This year was the first anniversary of her death, which would have been her 53rd wedding anniversary which made it even harder for my friend's Dad.)

(((hugs)))

Oh TB! So sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you and your family.

Sorry to hear TB, glad you got to spend that time with him. Thinking of you all x

Sorry for your loss TB

(((Hugs)))

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

That is pretty much exactly what happened to Dad, except they never seemed to be 100% sure where the cancer was coming from. I don't really think they knew which issue to tackle first.

Strange thing is that I don't feel particularly sad yet. He had a few things wrong, loss of appetite, breathing difficulties but what we now know is that he had widespread cancer that was very aggressive in the way it spread. But Dad was never in severe pain, he was just annoyed/ tired at the fact that something was wrong and all the back and forth with tests and Drs etc.

So knowing how much he could have suffered and for how long (Mrs TB's Mum had cancer for 3 yrs before dying) I feel more relieved for him than anything. He was in hospital such a relatively short time and it's only been since end of Jan that he hasn't been well, I am happy that my overriding memory of him is a man that was healthy, playing his beloved lawn bowls, watching crappy US crime shows and moaning about anything he read in the Daily Mail rather than someone I used to visit in hospital a lot.

Dad was 81 and had never been in hospital as a patient until his hip replacement 2 yrs ago. I tried to give him some advice about coping with the emotional stress of surgery but Dad is is straight out of the John Wayne mold. Don't show emotion, circle the wagons, protect the little women, that kind of thing. So he had his hip operation and he was knocked for six about how low surgery and recovery can make you feel, and he hated being in hospital.

So given that, and the potential of how long he could have been in there, I think it's a positive that it was a short illness. If it was not fixable then best to be short.

None of this helps my Mum who always wanted to go before Dad and is scared of dying, or my Sister who was extremely close to my Dad and they were proper, genuine friends. I'd read lots of references about the Dad and Daughter bond but never really understood it until I had my own daughter. But Dad and my sister were such peas in a pod in the movies they liked, TV shows, they all went to Florida on holidays etc.

It's hitting them pretty hard right now. I'm glad Dad wasn't run over or taken away from us in a way that had no time for anyone to prepare but I'm sad for my Mum who always thought he was coming home fixed and ready to resume normal life. My Sister and I were more objective about it, as was Dad because he knew something was very wrong and said to the Drs that he thought it was cancer.

Forgive the rambling, it's helping me cope.

Just post whatever you need to post, we are here to listen

You are probably in shock at the moment. It's a weird experience.

In the days after my Dad died, my mum and I took the kids to a safari park and had a great day out. It seems totally bizarre now, but we were in shock and it cushioned us for a few days,

When is the funeral for your Dad?

Thanks

We don't know when the funeral is yet. The hospital takes care of him until we can make arrangements and being Easter I'm not sure how it will work. But my Mum knows who she wants to use and will call them today I think. My sister is staying with Mum so I expect she will do it.

I imagine the funeral will be Tues/We'd next week.

Sorry to hear your sad news

Mate everytime you get on that bike you can honour him.

Sorry for your loss Tr1boy Please don't underestimate your feelings though. The grief can hit you at any time and you will need time to process this and work through it.

Thinking of you and your family

Xx

Thanks again. There is a 75mile race tomorrow that I'm entered into. It was part of preparation for an upcoming week in the French Alps. Just had a txt from my mum to say she wants me to do it and remember him.

I have his retirement watch here, I'm going to put it in my jersey pocket and ride the race 'with him'.

Good for you. Good luck with the race and thinking of your Dad. (Remember to take his watch out of your jersey pocket before it goes in the wash or you will be inconsolable.)

I donated my mum's watch that she got when she left her work after working there for over 20 years. When I donated it in 2006, it was still in it's box unworn. She had died of cancer the previous year. I don't think she had ever worn it, keeping it for best.....oh well

I donated it as one the raffle prizes for a fundraiser for a little boy who had cancer and needed to go to America for further treatment.

I felt I was/she was helping, even after she had died.

That was a very nice thing to do