Vale Dad
 

I don't post much nowadays but it's 5.30am here and can't sleep.

My Father passed away yesterday. I was called by my sister last night to come down to the hospital in Somerset where he has been for 2wks and he was on a respirator. We held a night vigil and this morning he hadn't really improved so it was a case of making him comfortable with normal oxygen and pain killers.

Thankfully he didn't really suffer and considering he was right as rain at Xmas, it's all been a bit sudden. I'm glad I took Wednesday off and went down to visit him, he was much more lucid, sitting in a chair and watching a video of My daughter on my tablet.

We didn't always see eye to eye as we viewed the world very differently. I spent so much time living away from my parents that I 'grew up' without them. But I'm very glad for the last few years we lived in the UK and had the chance to re-connect.

Dad was always healthy up until this and hardly had a day sick in his life, so for that we are thankful.

Don't know when my next ride will be but it will be in his memory.

Thanks for everything Dad.:thumbup:

Re: Vale Dad
 

I'm sorry that your Dad has died. It must be a difficult time for you emotionally with your new baby and your grief for your Dad's death.

I hope you find peace.

Your ride in memory of your Dad may be for sentiment or for your own remembrance.

Thinking of you.

(My friend's mum died at Easter last year. She was in hospital after being diagnosed with cancer. She died of multiple organ failure whilst a cancer treatment plan was being prepared. This year was the first anniversary of her death, which would have been her 53rd wedding anniversary which made it even harder for my friend's Dad.)

Re: Vale Dad
 

(((hugs)))

Re: Vale Dad
 

Oh TB! So sorry for your loss. My sympathies to you and your family.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry to hear TB, glad you got to spend that time with him. Thinking of you all x

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry for your loss TB

(((Hugs)))

Re: Vale Dad
 

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

That is pretty much exactly what happened to Dad, except they never seemed to be 100% sure where the cancer was coming from. I don't really think they knew which issue to tackle first.

Strange thing is that I don't feel particularly sad yet. He had a few things wrong, loss of appetite, breathing difficulties but what we now know is that he had widespread cancer that was very aggressive in the way it spread. But Dad was never in severe pain, he was just annoyed/ tired at the fact that something was wrong and all the back and forth with tests and Drs etc.

So knowing how much he could have suffered and for how long (Mrs TB's Mum had cancer for 3 yrs before dying) I feel more relieved for him than anything. He was in hospital such a relatively short time and it's only been since end of Jan that he hasn't been well, I am happy that my overriding memory of him is a man that was healthy, playing his beloved lawn bowls, watching crappy US crime shows and moaning about anything he read in the Daily Mail rather than someone I used to visit in hospital a lot.

Dad was 81 and had never been in hospital as a patient until his hip replacement 2 yrs ago. I tried to give him some advice about coping with the emotional stress of surgery but Dad is is straight out of the John Wayne mold. Don't show emotion, circle the wagons, protect the little women, that kind of thing. So he had his hip operation and he was knocked for six about how low surgery and recovery can make you feel, and he hated being in hospital.

So given that, and the potential of how long he could have been in there, I think it's a positive that it was a short illness. If it was not fixable then best to be short.

None of this helps my Mum who always wanted to go before Dad and is scared of dying, or my Sister who was extremely close to my Dad and they were proper, genuine friends. I'd read lots of references about the Dad and Daughter bond but never really understood it until I had my own daughter. But Dad and my sister were such peas in a pod in the movies they liked, TV shows, they all went to Florida on holidays etc.

It's hitting them pretty hard right now. I'm glad Dad wasn't run over or taken away from us in a way that had no time for anyone to prepare but I'm sad for my Mum who always thought he was coming home fixed and ready to resume normal life. My Sister and I were more objective about it, as was Dad because he knew something was very wrong and said to the Drs that he thought it was cancer.

Forgive the rambling, it's helping me cope.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Just post whatever you need to post, we are here to listen :)

You are probably in shock at the moment. It's a weird experience.

In the days after my Dad died, my mum and I took the kids to a safari park and had a great day out. It seems totally bizarre now, but we were in shock and it cushioned us for a few days,

When is the funeral for your Dad?

Re: Vale Dad
 

Thanks:):)

We don't know when the funeral is yet. The hospital takes care of him until we can make arrangements and being Easter I'm not sure how it will work. But my Mum knows who she wants to use and will call them today I think. My sister is staying with Mum so I expect she will do it.

I imagine the funeral will be Tues/We'd next week.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry to hear your sad news :(

Re: Vale Dad
 

Mate everytime you get on that bike you can honour him.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry for your loss Tr1boy:( Please don't underestimate your feelings though. The grief can hit you at any time and you will need time to process this and work through it.

Thinking of you and your family

Xx

Re: Vale Dad
 

Thanks again. There is a 75mile race tomorrow that I'm entered into. It was part of preparation for an upcoming week in the French Alps. Just had a txt from my mum to say she wants me to do it and remember him.

I have his retirement watch here, I'm going to put it in my jersey pocket and ride the race 'with him'. :)

Re: Vale Dad
 

Good for you. Good luck with the race and thinking of your Dad. (Remember to take his watch out of your jersey pocket before it goes in the wash or you will be inconsolable.)

I donated my mum's watch that she got when she left her work after working there for over 20 years. When I donated it in 2006, it was still in it's box unworn. She had died of cancer the previous year. I don't think she had ever worn it, keeping it for best.....oh well :(

I donated it as one the raffle prizes for a fundraiser for a little boy who had cancer and needed to go to America for further treatment.

I felt I was/she was helping, even after she had died.

Re: Vale Dad
 

That was a very nice thing to do:)

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry to hear about your Dad.May he rest in peace.Take comfort in the memories you have.Mind yourself and those close to you.x

Re: Vale Dad
 

Thank you.

Your Dad will always be in your thoughts.

Re: Vale Dad
 

So sorry to read this Tr1boy, big hugs to you and your family.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your family.

Re: Vale Dad
 

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, despite growing apart it doesn't make it any easier to bear. Take care of you and yours.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Condolences on your loss ((hugs))

Remember the good times, and ride those races for him :)

Re: Vale Dad
 

I am sorry to hear of your loss. :(

Be gentle with yourself and enjoy the memories as they come.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry to hear your news Tr1boy but take comfort in that his illness was short and he didn't go on to suffer.

In the same boat at the moment as my Dad has been diagnosed but they know where it is and have treated it. It won't be cured but keeping all fingers and toes crossed the treatment will help and he'll be okay for a while. Also came out of the blue as well.

Good luck with the race.

Re: Vale Dad
 

:fingerscrossed:For your Dad.

Re: Vale Dad
 

So sorry to hear your news TB and I'm glad he didn't suffer too much.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Just saw this,so sorry for yer loss mate,keep the happy memories alive.

Re: Vale Dad
 

That's a lovely thing to do.
Hope the race went well :thumbup:

Re: Vale Dad
 

Hi hope your race went well!

I don't want to hijack this thread but I've had messages from some of you and wanted to say thanks for your thoughts.

We had a bad day yesterday after an email arrived (damn time difference) from Mum to say doc had said weeks instead of months. Sleepless night but better news this morning. First doc (a young slip of a girl as described by Mum) had said this but more mature experienced doc said he could have months which instantly made him feel better. Thanks first doc...

He's going to be in hospital for another week or so and then they are sending him home where hopefully he will get some better rest. There are two old boys in the ward who keep having barnies and disturbing everyone else.

So currently planning trip back for slightly better reasons than I was yesterday morning!

I have to say the NHS and the care services have been amazing so far :thumbsup:

Re: Vale Dad
 

Hope you get to see your Dad soon.x

Re: Vale Dad
 

Hope you have a good trip over and can have some quality time with your dad.

Re: Vale Dad
 

That's good to hear and I hope things are a good as they can be for you and your family.

My race went ok. I was in the lead group for about 30kms (it was 120km race), there were about 8 of us in the break but the pace was a bit too high for me in my state of mind. When you race very fast on the bikes, the concentration has to be high in order to avoid touching wheels and going down.

I realised I wasn't in the right head space for the speed so i dropped of the back of the lead group and let the mid pack chase group gather me up and I finished with those guys about half way in the field.

I thought of Dad the whole way. It was a weird day;)

Re: Vale Dad
 

Sorry to hear about your Dad.

Glad your race went well, and that you were able to recognise the distraction before any injuries occurred.

I ride motorbikes, and about 7 weeks after my mum passed i woke up to a beautiful sunny february (UK) Saturday morning and had the great idea to go for a ride. Less than 5 miles from the house i laid the bike down on a roundabout primarily due to lack of concentration. Fortunately I came away with just a few bruises, the bike didnt do so well and the husband had to deal with seeing me going down the road and avoid me and my bike (we went in opposite directions to make life difficult).

It will hit at the strangest of times, and you will become distracted. Take care of yourself in the meantime and dont be hard on yourself for it.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Thankyou. I'm sorry to hear about your Mum and your crash. One of the reasons I'm very comfortable in cycle racing is because I raced motorcycles for a few years in the 600 production. This was before track days were even a 'thing' so if you wanted to race there was only one option and that was to get yourself a race bike and an ACU licence.

I've had quite a few road motos as well, nearly always sports bikes, but the emphasis was always racing. Strangely I think about motorbikes more and more lately as my Ironman triathlon days are pretty much over, so I just cycle race and time trial nowadays really.

I miss having a moto in the garage but not interested in the race scene any more. Just want something I can tinker with and was thinking of a Thruxton. Mum has said I can have Dad's tools as well so it would be nice to work on something and think of him.

I have to speak at the funeral as my Mum and Sister can't face it. I think it will hit me hardest after that.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Funeral is this coming Thurs (it's been ages due to Easter and ministers etc away on hols).

I sat in a coffee shop today and wrote a eulogy today as I have to speak for the whole family. Not easy:(

Re: Vale Dad
 

No not easy at all. All the best with that TB.

P.S. Sorry to hear the funeral has taken so long. Hope it goes as well as a funeral can.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Good luck for reading the eulogy on Thursday. It's horrible having to wait for an extended period between death and funeral.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Hope all goes well on Thursday.

I'm now in the same position as you.... :(

Again, don't want to take your thread but after the good news it was followed by bad as Dad took a turn for the worse with the infections and we lost him.

Mum's only been able to make the arrangements due to all the paperwork you now have to collect. She wanted us there for and after the service so we are heading back soon.

One weird thing is that it feels very surreal, I guess because of the distance and not being there. I keep thinking has this happened, am I in a dream? It might be a different story when I get back.

Mum's asked me to speak at the service, eeekk....... normally our family services are small but there will be lots of people there so going to have to put on a brave, jet lagged face.

Take care Tr1boy, will be thinking of you.

Re: Vale Dad
 

Hope you hold it together.

Sorry too for your loss kim. Hope this helps a bit...

I couldn't speak at my dad's funeral, so my little sister did. She wrote a beautiful eulogy, listing all the things that made dad who he was, from cloudwatching (he was a meteorologist by profession) to meat pies, cake and a "swift half" down the pub. Everyone laughed and cried.

Best thing of all was as we came out of the door on a cold wet december day, for 5 minutes, the sun burst out through the clouds. Dad was on his way....


(((hugs)))