Typical Glasweigan Humour
#1
Typical Glasweigan Humour
Got this in an email this morning....
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
#2
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Fiona&malc
Got this in an email this morning....
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: Hills District
Posts: 1,399
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Luv it! Can't stop laughing now.
#4
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Fiona&malc
Got this in an email this morning....
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
Bono is at a U2 concert in Glasgow when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierces the silence....
"Well, stop f#cking doing it then.......!"
#5
Australia's Doorman
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: The Shoalhaven, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 11,056
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
PMSL - that's total quality.
#7
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,374
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Pure class.
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
#8
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Both of those are fantastic, cheers
#9
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Margaret3
Pure class.
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
#10
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Margaret3
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Thats brilliant Mags !!
That line just kills me !!!
#11
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Margaret3
Pure class.
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
#12
#13
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by Margaret3
Pure class.
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
I know i've posted this before, but it still makes me laugh , thought some of you may like it
Glaswegian version of the wonderfull Queen hit.
Bowegian Rhapsody :
Is this the real life?
Or is it the methodone?
Stuck in the Gorbals, two bob fur the telephone?
Open yer wine, an' talk wi' a whine........like
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Um just a weeji,
Gie us yer Sunny D
Cos I'll chib yer pal,
Rip yer da,
Slash yer dug,
Ride yer ma!
Any way the Clyde flows, disnae really matter tae
me.....tae me.
Haw maw, just chibbed some bam
Buckie bottle tae the heid
Noo the f*kin' bustards deid!
Haw maw, um just oan parole
An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee......
Haw Maw.......oohooh ooh
Never meant tae steal yer purse But if I'm no fu' o' smack this time the morra'
Carry oot, carry oot! An we'll go oot on the batter!
Too late...the bailiff's here Sends shivers doon ma spine
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go
Got to go and rip some w*nk fae up the scheme
Haw Maw.......oohooh oooh
I'm a jakey bam,
I sometimes think I've never been washed at all
I see a little silhouetto of a bam
Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us some Kappa?
Thunderbird, White Lightning,
Very very Frightening, me!
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair!)
Twenty Mayfair? (Twenty Mayfair and some skins!)
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
I'm just a fat boy, nae body loves me
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound for a wee cup o' tea?
Get tae *****, skanky slob, will ye get a job?
For *****sake.........NO I will not get a job
Get a job!
For *****sake........ NO I will not get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
Get a job........willnae get a job
no no no no no....
Oh gonorrheoea!
Gonnorrhoea! Gonnorhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside
For me? For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
So you hink ye can slash me an pish in ma eye?
So ye hink ye can chib me an leave me tae die?
Haw bawbagCan't dae this tae me bawbag!
Just wait till I'm oot
Just wait till I'm right oot ma nut!!
***** all really matters, anyone can see ***** all really matters..... ***** all really matters.....
Tae meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee............eeeeeeeeee... .........eee eeeeeee!!!
Could somebody please translate
Tracey
#14
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: Typical Glasweigan Humour
Originally Posted by nightnurse2
Could somebody please translate
Tracey
Tracey