tum

Does anybody else know 'toxic people' :scared:? Like family members or friends?
You know, they just take and take and think they're the best, know the best and can never be at fault?

Just had my dad visiting and feel drained

Anybody have any creative or serious solutions?

Thanks (my balloon is empty , but just typing this makes me feel better, won't lose one night's sleep though )

DebraH

yes - i had a friend like that, we'd been friends for nearly 30 years. she was incredibly insecure for some reason or other. when ever we met up I felt exactly like you drained! We'd always talk about her and her little problems. to be honest it go to the point where I didn't really want to see her so much. anway to cut a long story short she had the cheek to phone me last year and moan that I wasn't a very good friend - we had words, she slammed the phone down on me - and that was it end of friendship. I tired to make things up, but she hasn't been bothered to get in touch - not even an xmas card or bday card. it hurt at the time, but at least I tried to make amends and it proved to me that at the end of the day she really wasnt' much of a friend.

hope you feel a bit better I've sending you some K

PS sorry I haven't got any soloutions, but it feels good to have a rant doesn't it?

tum

Thanks very much DebraH . My English isn't good enough yet too really describe my emotions and feelings. But I totally agree with what you've said, I couldn't have said it any better. But because he's my dad I always sat back and thought well, any contact is better than none at all. Especially because of our 4 1/2 year old. But, I told him what my boundaries (limits) are and because I'm contradicting him I'm a 'bad daughter' I guess. But ranting about it always helps , thanks for that and for your K

geordie mandy

My sister is like that has everyone running after her, she has our parents run ragged. ive been helping to look after her kids recently as she is hospital waiting to have her 4th child (the oldest is 4 1/2) . She constantly expects people to be at her beck and call. Her kids are becoming right brats but i try and remain a good aunty to them.
My OH totally blanks her now and i refuse to listen to her whinge and told her she needs to get a life and start doing things for herself.
I try to be a positive person but when im around her it feels like im completely drained. My parents are the same drained, so much so that i never get help when i need it. At least when im in oz i can recharge my batteries and avoid direct contact.
Mandy

tum

Crazy people, I sometimes wonder if they're just missing something in their brains which makes them feel so self centered. What you said about oz, avoiding direct contact is probably a good idea, so you can decide what about and when you want to talk to her. And maybe, if your parents want to come over, you can really have some quality time with them .

I always keep in mind that I have to be good to myself in the first place, because that makes me a nicer mother, wife and daughter. By the way, I have a GREAT mum and I love her to death (they divorced when I was 18, am 37 now).

Take care.

geordie mandy

Thanks for the Karma
Well my OH does reckon she has a screw loose LOL.
My mum is a strange one who always gives me a hard time if i say anything out of turn, my dad rarely voices anything. It took a long time to have an adult relationship with my parents as due to my sister i left home at 18 and married a wonderful man a few years later. Much to their disaproval. (the eldest and all that).
You are right you have to be good to yourself. When ever i feel drained i put angel music on and a candle light bath and i feel so chilled after that im back to being a person i like.
Having relationships that drain you is better when you decide when to contact. Good luck with your dad.
Mandy

ub40fan

I think we all know someone like this.

My "friend" moved in 3 doors down, discovered we had a common interest and was constantly at my house. She expected me to drop everything to sit and listen to her marital problems, support her through her breakup with her husband, support her through her problems with her new man (who she was seeing before she left hubby), understand her reasons for leaving her kids behind and be there for her. I agreed to have her son after school when he first started cos she had just started work full time - 4 years later I am still at it!!!

I haven't seen her for a few months now, cos she hasn't wanted anything doing, or needed anyone to listen to. So if I need a good moan I can't call her cos she always says she is busy, or off here or there.

I have the ultimate solution to this problem - although it does seem a bit drastic - I am moving to the other side of the world. I shall not be giving her my address, and will not be issuing invites for her to visit. She has already invited herself and her partner. They are getting married soon, but I am not invited to the wedding! Good eh

Hutch

This definitely describes my sister-in-law. She's always on the phone to my missus whenever her love-life's not running according to plan (which, given she's on her third marriage is pretty often), but if Catherine tries to say something about herself then she talks over the top of her. She brings her horrible sprog Carla up at half-terms and for several weeks on end during longer school holidays and just dumps them on her parents or on us. This half-term was no different, my missus took our son Josh to London with the parents-in-law and sure enough, the SIL invited herself along and then backed out leaving others to look after her child. When she came to pick her up she said she was planning on taking her to see the Lion King musical but that she was probably too tired (everyone nodded), so instead she was taking her shopping with her instead!! Three hours of shopping in Oxford Street or a trip to the theatre - which would be most tiring I wonder? Silly bitch. She even had the nerve to tell the missus that she was going to miss her when we left for Oz - yea right, miss the free baby-sitting and attentive listening - **** all else, that's for sure.

Iwannabethere

Thank goodness it's not just me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dad drives me spare. How my mum stays with him I do not know. Tum, I have had exactly the same response about being contradictory and argumentative. All I said was that I didn't want to borrow a book he suggested. He has three topics of conversation: his weight (and his next plan to lose some); his health (don't get me started!!!) and how wrong/overweight/underweight/stupid/incompetent (delete as applicable) everyone else is. If he reads this and works out that I'm talking about him (although I am probably safe - he doesn't frequent the site, to my knowledge :scared: ) then I'd better get my visa quick!!!!!

I already live the opposite side of the country to him but feel that's not quite far enough. I hope Australia is, otherwise I'm going to have to start saving for a passenger trip into space !!!!!!!!!!!!

tum

Thanks for your replies everyone , it makes me feel a
lot better to read that more people have this 'problem'.

Thank goodness it is not just me indeed

Britishaussie

Indeed it is not just you! My SIL is a right cow. She got married at 21 to a man about 6 years older who was a bit of a depressive but it wasn't really his fault. They were just totally incompatible. She'd never been on her own since she was 14. Anyway, a few years ago because their marriage was so bad, she ended up leaving him and we all breathed a sigh of relief because we thought she'd be happy, but instead the opposite has happened. Her mother (hubby's mother too) helped her out by letting her and her kids move into one of their rental properties next door, on condition she looked after the place. Well,she didn't. She'd got a new boyfriend who she was seeing before her marriage broke up, and to cut a long story short, MIL got so fed up with her she asked her to look for somewhere else to live, so SIL got all arsy (a lot of bad history between SIL and MIL which didn't help) and SIL stormed off, taking the kids with her, and they've not spoken since. Anyway, because ex-BIL still kept in contact with us, he'd bring the kids round to see us occasionally, and she went up the wall and accused us of being disloyal!!! Hubby told her a few home truths and now she doesn't speak to us either, and bad mouths us to her boyfriend who now also thinks we're horrible because of all the lies she's told. She's turned her kids against us too, especially the eldest one who refuses to come to see us even with his dad. She's a dangerous woman who indulges in too much alcohol and takes drugs too. And she's supposed to be a teacher! She can guarantee that she'll have no invite to come to Australia when we get there.
I think everybody has somebody in their family who's a right pain so no, you are not on your own!!!

Austin Showers

i thought this thread was about the nuclear debate in australia, lol!!

tum

good one !!! fooled you!!!

Lucy

My SIL Claire, who we actually call Waffa (as in Waffa Bin Laden), is an evil b*tch. 3 years ago she causd a huge family row, which ended in a very expensive skiing holiday that my FIL had booked for all of the family being cancelled as she was not willing to apologise. Further events took place, and the shortened version is my marriage nearly broke up because of her, and I ended up on anti depressants. She is a replusive cow, and I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that I no longer inhabit the same continent as her and her giant arse. Its very sad that my husband no longer has a relationship with his brother, but we hope one day he will come to his senses and leave her.

katsmajic

I have 2 brothers who come under this heading...whilst hubby and i were away on our 1st real holiday together without kids they decided to 'borrow' hubbys car..they wrote it off.(and blew it up).refused to pay for it, the police couldnt persue it & insurance refused to pay as we had given 'implied' consent to one brother that if his car broke down he could use hubbys to pick us up from the airport.. they said that i was their sis and he was my hubby what was mine was theirs to use/abuse and therefore hubbys stuff was mine for them to use/abuse too...scary bit is that one is in 30's and other late 20's...not teenagers...they also decided to entice my 14year old (then 13) to go away with them for weekend away but they didnt tell me they had him and son didnt have his mobile on him...took 7hours and police involvement for them to admit they had my son...as i grew frantic because they said they hadnt seen him...
imagine my absolute horror last week when my mum informed me one brother is moving to OZ in October...im soooo glad Australia is so big!