Too far from the UK
Aug 8th 2011 | 10:14 am
#16
Thread Starter
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,580
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Too far from the UK
It is more like a lot of effort for what comes out eventually as a slightly rusty squeak.
Aug 8th 2011 | 10:17 am
#18
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 225
Re: Too far from the UK
Was this her in her prime?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhOAY...eature=related
PLease do not watch if you disike bad language
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhOAY...eature=related
PLease do not watch if you disike bad language
Aug 8th 2011 | 10:21 am
#19
Thread Starter
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,580
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Too far from the UK
(I don't like bad language, but that is just so funny!!!)
Aug 8th 2011 | 4:33 pm
#21
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,998
Re: Too far from the UK
Respite doesn't need to be overnight or out of his home. The nurses can come in for an hour or two so your sister can have a shower or go shopping or just have a nap! Your dad doesn't have to go into a nursing home for your family to have help. When my dad was getting to be too much for my mom to care for they were very opposed to any help. But we (my brother, the GP and I) asked her to just speak to the nurses to see what they could offer. They could always say no if they don't want it right now but at least they would know what's available when/if the time comes.
Aug 8th 2011 | 4:36 pm
#22
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Too far from the UK
Thanks again for the kind thoughts - I'm sorry that I've dragged up so many painful memories for you all.
Mum is the other side of the county to dad, and doesn't even use the phone we got her, so I only ever write to her. She has offered to look after my dad when it gets too much for Jane, but she is not really up to it either. My sister will not hear of him going into a nursing home, so I'll have to work gently on that respite thought. My brother has offered to do up mum's house so it is more suitable for him. Mum has nursed him (despite being divorced) before when he had all his heart problems- we honestly thought he'd die 20 years ago of a heart attack, so he has had extra time. Mum also cared for her partner when he became terminally ill with a brain tumour- collapsed on my wedding day would you believe, and died 3 months later at her home. However she is now not very healthy herself, is 23 years older, and has an aging incontinent cat, so her house is more like a hovel!
Dad tends to be awake late morning to mid afternoon, but due to the time difference, I'm asleep!
Mum is the other side of the county to dad, and doesn't even use the phone we got her, so I only ever write to her. She has offered to look after my dad when it gets too much for Jane, but she is not really up to it either. My sister will not hear of him going into a nursing home, so I'll have to work gently on that respite thought. My brother has offered to do up mum's house so it is more suitable for him. Mum has nursed him (despite being divorced) before when he had all his heart problems- we honestly thought he'd die 20 years ago of a heart attack, so he has had extra time. Mum also cared for her partner when he became terminally ill with a brain tumour- collapsed on my wedding day would you believe, and died 3 months later at her home. However she is now not very healthy herself, is 23 years older, and has an aging incontinent cat, so her house is more like a hovel!
Dad tends to be awake late morning to mid afternoon, but due to the time difference, I'm asleep!
As others have said, there's little you could do if you were there so honestly try not to beat yourself up about it too much especially if he's being snotty with those who are there. If he's anything like my dad was, he's probably peed off that people are rushing around on his behalf so a nice friendly, non 'helping hand' chat about general rubbish may be just what he needs.
Aug 9th 2011 | 10:44 am
#23
Thread Starter
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,580
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Too far from the UK
I go to bed at 8:30, as I find it physically impossible to stay awake- often I'm asleep on the sofa by 7pm. Not sure I can actually manage 10pm. (It's the sheer physical exhaustion of getting through the day with MS.)
Aug 9th 2011 | 11:57 am
#25
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,215
From: Limerick-Shropshire- Perth.
Re: Too far from the UK
Back to normal.Dont me too hard on yourself.Get plenty of rest when you can.
Aug 9th 2011 | 12:02 pm
#26
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,215
From: Limerick-Shropshire- Perth.
Re: Too far from the UK
As Jen said, don't be sorry. The people on here were a great help when my dad was dying. Just to be able to write out what you're feeling helps a lot.
Respite doesn't need to be overnight or out of his home. The nurses can come in for an hour or two so your sister can have a shower or go shopping or just have a nap! Your dad doesn't have to go into a nursing home for your family to have help. When my dad was getting to be too much for my mom to care for they were very opposed to any help. But we (my brother, the GP and I) asked her to just speak to the nurses to see what they could offer. They could always say no if they don't want it right now but at least they would know what's available when/if the time comes.
Respite doesn't need to be overnight or out of his home. The nurses can come in for an hour or two so your sister can have a shower or go shopping or just have a nap! Your dad doesn't have to go into a nursing home for your family to have help. When my dad was getting to be too much for my mom to care for they were very opposed to any help. But we (my brother, the GP and I) asked her to just speak to the nurses to see what they could offer. They could always say no if they don't want it right now but at least they would know what's available when/if the time comes.
Aug 9th 2011 | 1:05 pm
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,199
From: Mt Martha, Melbourne
Re: Too far from the UK
Hi there
Just wanted to say sorry to hear about your family and their health.
I would say if help is offered, whatever it maybe be by social services and the hospitals please encourage them to take some of it. They can't do it all on their own and letting go is tough but sometimes you can do more harm than good in trying to care for another when you have health problems yourself. Just having someone in for a couple of hours whilst your sister and Mum can have a break and some quiet time will help so much.
Shame your Mum has problems with the phone as just a chat can help so much but then again a letter is nice and it only takes a few days to reach the UK these days. I'm sure that they will understand that you can't help them physically but I'm sure they know you would if you could.
I hope they all get on okay, bit of a shock thinking it's a torn muscle and turns out to be that.
Good luck.
Just wanted to say sorry to hear about your family and their health.
I would say if help is offered, whatever it maybe be by social services and the hospitals please encourage them to take some of it. They can't do it all on their own and letting go is tough but sometimes you can do more harm than good in trying to care for another when you have health problems yourself. Just having someone in for a couple of hours whilst your sister and Mum can have a break and some quiet time will help so much.
Shame your Mum has problems with the phone as just a chat can help so much but then again a letter is nice and it only takes a few days to reach the UK these days. I'm sure that they will understand that you can't help them physically but I'm sure they know you would if you could.
I hope they all get on okay, bit of a shock thinking it's a torn muscle and turns out to be that.
Good luck.
Aug 9th 2011 | 10:03 pm
#28
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 195
From: The pointy end
Re: Too far from the UK
I'm sorry to hear of this. Hope things improve.
Aug 10th 2011 | 5:50 am
#29
Happy migrant
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 6,756
From: Newcastle , NSW
Re: Too far from the UK
Caroline, I just wanted to say sorry for your news. It's hard to watch a parent go through cancer and must be ten times worse if you are so far away.
(((hugs)))
(((hugs)))
Aug 10th 2011 | 9:20 am
#30
Thread Starter
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,580
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Too far from the UK
Thanks again all you lovely people.
At the moment, because the diagnosis is so new, no nurses or treatment (palliative radiotherapy or hormones) are actually in place.
Dad sees the urologist on Friday, so things may start moving then. It depends what he says about his prostate.
Mum and dad are divorced, as neither of them could stand each other when together, but since the divorce (33 years ago) get on a lot better. My mum is very hard going , and is basically like a child. No grey areas or compromise. And whatever illness you have she has always had a worse one. Not sure she can top dad's though.
I love her, but couldn't live with her again.
At the moment, because the diagnosis is so new, no nurses or treatment (palliative radiotherapy or hormones) are actually in place.
Dad sees the urologist on Friday, so things may start moving then. It depends what he says about his prostate.
Mum and dad are divorced, as neither of them could stand each other when together, but since the divorce (33 years ago) get on a lot better. My mum is very hard going , and is basically like a child. No grey areas or compromise. And whatever illness you have she has always had a worse one. Not sure she can top dad's though.
I love her, but couldn't live with her again.
