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Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Starting a family when abroad - advice?

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Old Feb 8th 2018, 8:23 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by BadgeIsBack View Post
It is still not selfish to be self-reliant, quite the opposite, so I suspect you struggled or were made to feel guilty Quoll. In this globalised world, I think it is increasingly the norm to live and work away from where we were brought up.
Nope, nobody ever made me feel guilty, certainly didn’t struggle raising the kids - but we just knuckled down and did what we had to, never asked anything of anyone else. I would say I was selfish - we did what suited us. If you don’t go with that “selfish” attitude and you wallow around in how other people are thinking/feeling about your actions then you go under. It’s unfortunate that selfishness has negative connotations when, in migration, it’s a survival strategy.
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Old Feb 8th 2018, 8:41 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Stuck in Auckland View Post
When it comes to the birth and initial few weeks all girls want their mums with them.
They do? I couldn't think of anything worse than having people around when my husband and I were getting to know our newborn children. My partner has 7 grandchildren and the "girls" (they're in fact grown women) managed just fine with their partners and themselves during the births and the first few weeks.
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Old Feb 9th 2018, 3:37 am
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Stuck in Auckland View Post
When it comes to the birth and initial few weeks all girls want their mums with them.
No, not all, not by any means.
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Old Feb 9th 2018, 3:37 am
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
They do? I couldn't think of anything worse than having people around when my husband and I were getting to know our newborn children. My partner has 7 grandchildren and the "girls" (they're in fact grown women) managed just fine with their partners and themselves during the births and the first few weeks.
I should have read all the thread
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Old Feb 9th 2018, 3:46 am
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Dreamy View Post
No, not all, not by any means.
Dear say will get caught out mentioning the number i sampled.
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Old Feb 9th 2018, 4:54 am
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
They do? I couldn't think of anything worse than having people around when my husband and I were getting to know our newborn children. My partner has 7 grandchildren and the "girls" (they're in fact grown women) managed just fine with their partners and themselves during the births and the first few weeks.
I’m with you! nothing worse than having my mum around when the kids were born. But I am astonished at the number of young women (my daughters in law included) who don’t seem to be able to cope without their mums. I suppose one did have a bit of an excuse as my son was on his way back from Afghanistan when his son bundled into the world early but I honestly think I would have done it alone rather than have my mum there (she’d have been about as much help as a chocolate tea pot).
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 7:22 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
What about your husband's parents?
Yes they would be nearby in Melbourne and his mum would be a lot of help I'm sure. I'm just obviously not as close with her as with my parents, and my family is tighter knit in general. It would bring me a lot of joy to have them share the experience with me, but at the same time it's the only thing keeping me here at the moment, and I'm not sure it's enough.
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 7:23 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Beoz View Post
Plenty of mums groups around. In the right areas you will probably find they are full of English, Irish and other new mothers without parents on hand.
That's what I thought would probably be the case
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 7:26 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Moses2013 View Post
Well maybe a move to another part of the UK would make sense, where it's more laid back. Somewhere close to the beach etc. Also it seems that you are far closer to family than your husband, so will want to see them every year. If you look at the finances and costs for you, or let's say your parents to travel to Australia every year, you could use that money and buy a holiday pad in the sun with the whole family. That way you also have your weather point sorted and have an investment (finances). Some people can just move away and aren't bothered if they don't see their family but if you are already questioning it, it's only going to get worse.
Thanks for your comment! We've considered moving somewhere else in the UK, it does seem like a good option. But either way we want to be near family, either London or Melbourne (my husband is particularly stuck on this one - if we're not near my family he wants to be in Australia). I know that seems weird but we have a whole life in London and one in Melbourne and we don't want to start afresh somewhere new. Also I'm not sure I'd ever have enough money to buy a beach pad if we lived in the UK! We were both earning almost double in Australia and paying half the rent. Perhaps if we ever moved back to the UK we'd go somewhere smaller.
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by quoll View Post

A word of warning about bringing kids into a relationship if there is any likelihood of conflict about where you go/settle. Australia will not let kids leave if the other parent says they may not, as many have found to their cost. So be certain that you want to live in Australia and that you trust your OH to move again if you want to return (although minds can change!) otherwise you could find yourself stuck there when you don’t want to be.
Thank you. I didn't know about this rule. It sounds slightly terrifying but I can't see my husband ever stopping me from leaving. I think it can't stop us doing what we feel is best at the moment anyway.
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 7:32 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Stuck in Auckland View Post
When it comes to the birth and initial few weeks all girls want their mums with them.

Going forward you do have to be self reliant and enjoy the opportunity grandparents offer - post kids it no longer you its all about them.

I prefer small doses rather than permanent if that makes sense.

The opportunity of dual citizenship etc should be considered. Life is not for just one country, and both countries have different offerings for different stages in life.

Don't just compare UK/London, UK does offer a lot of different options it self.

For all the outdoor talk the heat and sun made us hide indoors a lot more than we would of compared to the UK.
Thanks for your helpful answer! During the 2 years living in Melbourne I spent SO much time outside but this is probably quite different to the rest of Australia, being a lot cooler. I'm also such a hot weather person.

I think your comment about 'Life is not for just one country' hit the nail on the head for us at the moment. We can't quite commit to one location, so we're just going to follow our hearts at each stage of life.
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Old Feb 13th 2018, 10:55 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by polrowrow View Post
Yes they would be nearby in Melbourne and his mum would be a lot of help I'm sure. I'm just obviously not as close with her as with my parents, and my family is tighter knit in general. It would bring me a lot of joy to have them share the experience with me, but at the same time it's the only thing keeping me here at the moment, and I'm not sure it's enough.
Children would not be "yours" alone. They would also be your husband's children. His parents would be sharing the joy with both of you. Including him.

What does your husband want to do? Doesn't he get a say in where the two (or more) of you live?
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Old Feb 14th 2018, 7:39 am
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
Children would not be "yours" alone. They would also be your husband's children. His parents would be sharing the joy with both of you. Including him.

What does your husband want to do? Doesn't he get a say in where the two (or more) of you live?

Oh I know, it's just a very different situation that's hard to explain His dad isn't really in the picture and his mum isn't very involved either whereas my family are super close, even to my husband. But yes his mum would love us to have kids.

And I'm really lucky that he doesn't mind which side of the earth we're on. He grew up in a few countries as a child so it's not such a big deal to him. He just wants us to be happy. It is me that is having trouble getting my head around where I want to be.
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Old Feb 16th 2018, 4:41 am
  #29  
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

If you’re close to your family, don’t go. Simples!
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Old Mar 6th 2018, 8:22 pm
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Default Re: Starting a family when abroad - advice?

A minimum of 5 years in Melbourne eh? You’ll find that after 5 years, with kids, mothers’ groups, outdoor lifestyle, career/work established etc you probably will not want to start all over again back in the UK.

5 years of pure hard work to do it all over again in London is a hard decision to make if you feel yourself becoming established in Melbourne and you feel satisfied with what you’ve achieved.
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