TMRE

OK here goes, though must admit to having a few to many glasses of fermented grape juice though. Just had major argument with other half regarding our move to OZ when and if our visa is granted (only applied on 15th August). I am according to him being "stupid" in my way of thinking. I have been going through every possible thing that can go wrong scenario which I thought was a good idea. We have two kids aged 20 months and 12 years and I want to make sure we are doing the right thing. If it was just us I would be OK. We have never been to OZ and only know one person there so are going "blind" so to speak. I have been thinking about the girls not seeing grandparents, not getting work, house prices, lack of houses to rent, our eldest resenting moving etc and trying to get an idea of what we would do,feel. OH just thinks I am being far to negative in my thinking, Did/do others think like this or am I being silly? I know that if we moved to somewhere else in the UK I wouldn't be thinking the same way, but it is such a big step that I thought that these type of senarios should be something we discuss as a family now. Don't get me wrong I want to go, but am I being OTT in my thinking?
Sorry for rant but I have nobody else to talk to at this time of night
Tam

paul30

Can't say I'm in the same situation as you as my family is over there or are moving out as well but I still have doubts and worries can't see anything wrong it's just human nature to worry especially when it's such a big thing

flo&mags

I know where you are coming from. We are hopefully transferring with the Navy, have never been there & its really my other half's dream. But stop & think about yr kids - this is the way Im getting through it. Oz can offer so much more to them in the future. Housing is a lot cheaper & the outdoor lifestyle should be bliss - apart from the spiders/snakes/sharks etc....lol. Grab the opportunity with both hands. Yes friends & family will be missed, so much, but there are webcams & how often do you see your family. If your like me my family are spread all over UK, Scotland & Ireland so I would see more of them while in Oz as their visits would be longer & of a better quality.
I hope this helps you, I know its the right thing to do - as a family!!.
Take care,
Flo.

lolobolo

Hey Tam
I am writing from Sydney.
I have been here for three weeks. I came out with my kids ages 14 and 10 to be with my husband, who has lived out here for three years.

I first came out in January for a month to see what I thought, within about 10 mins of my plane landing I knew we were coming.

It is not easy (especially with children of teenage) but it is worth it.

My kids have school places in lovely schools, and we are just waiting for our fees to go through etc- so that could have organised better. They have been off school since june---but hey! they are nevr off ill...


I would recommend waiting until you are here and have a feel for the place before you commit any decisions for your chilodren. Although it feels like a huge amount of time to be disorganised, be prepared and enjoy it, it's probably one of the few times you will all be together.

I dont know where you are from in the UK, but I would recommend the move for the kids, as Australia has so much to offer them and us.
They will be disrupted, but as with everything else it will be a learning experience for you all.
Lifestyle is cheaper, housing is lovely, and food and other things work out cheaper, so it easy to tighten your belt.....without feeling the pinch
Worrying is natural...

le me knw how you get on

LOZ

bushboy

Seems like your only focusing on the negatives and ignoring the positives, you can always move back to the UK if it does'nt work out.

bushboy

Regarding the outdoor lifestyle spiders/ snakes / sharks are nothing to worry about, look at the statistics.

snakes- 2-3 deaths per year
sharks- 2-3 deaths per year
spiders, only one death in last 30 years.
Car accidents 1,600 deaths per year
Drownings 500 deaths per year.

The only real danger in an outdoor lifestyle in OZ is road accidents and drownings not the wildlife.

lolobolo

Unrelated- but can I just ask- what decision did you come to regarding schools?

KarmaLiber

Sounds absolutely normal to me... to not worry is great, but in worrying you are being a good mother, and ensuring that no harm can come to your children -look, the children will love it, fear of the unknown is normal, you've survived the unknown before and you will do it again.

The OH is simply reading the signals wrong - his fear is that you might change your mind, being 'male' he won't see this, rationale questioning 'is negative' and not only that he doesn't and can't have all the answers to the queries.
He's probably as frightened as you about things going wrong - but they won't - you'll adjust to whatever the scenario, as you do back home.

Be confident and be brave - many people would love the opportunity, you've got it - grab it - you can always come home if it doesn't work out.

Karma

walkermat

The problem with the 'you can always come home' thinking is that it makes it a lot more difficult to settle and start to think of Oz as 'home'. When homesickness kicks in, and it will from time to time (especially in the first couple of years) then there is a much higher risk that you will return 'home'.

We have 'pledged' to ourselves that Oz will become 'home' and if we have any problems there then we will sort it out there. We'll see if that works - tell you in 2 years time

Another risk factor for you is that you have never been there. The mind can play funny tricks with you and it is almost certain that it wont be how you imagine it will be - most likely it will disappoint and be quite hard to settle to begin with.

Personally i think you are right to consider the negatives. If you look at it with nothing but rose tinted glasses then you will almost certainly be dissapointed at end up returning to the UK. And it will have been an expensive adventure!

Now i sound like my dad Ok, you only live once so go for it. If you dont then you will spend the rest of your life wondering 'what if'!

Mat

gedge

you're not being OTT at all
this is a big decision and shouldn't be taken lightly
of course if you don't balance it out with some optimism then it'll never happen

my wife and i used to have this sort of discussion and i think i used to compensate for her worrying by being even more positive, even though i knew her worries were valid

at the end of the day you'll never know (and always wonder) unless you give it a try
my opinion is that life is there to be lived, don't be too concerned with the destination just enjoy the journey

for us, we've given it a go, the balance has changed over 4 years and now we're returning to the UK older, wiser and just a bit poorer

jad n rich

The problem with you can always go home, is many do, the cost however well if you can afford to chuck 50/60 grand down the toilette go ahead, if not visit first and at least see if you like the basics.

Discuss the negatives and positives and dont kid your self on any aspect, housing for example is not cheap, avg house price just under/over the half million mark in many places now and avg home would be more the 3 bed older reno thing than the 4 bed pool dream.

Also if your partners only on positives and your only on negatives discuss what happens if you do arrive sight unseen and one of you does not like it and the other one does.

Centurion

So you've gone through every possible go wrong scenario you can think of. And your OH has suggested that you might be a bit negative ?

He's probably right. Try to balance it up with some great things your looking forward to and the reasons for moving. If your other thinking of the worst then I'd probably be a bit fed up with that too!

NotQuiteSure

My only bit of advice is, make sure you come to an agreement before you get here, that if you decide that you don't like it or cannot settle after being here some time that your OH will return back to the UK with you without any resentment or blame. not trying to scare you but just think it is important to discuss and agree on this before you go.

TMRE

Thanks for all your replies. We both think that this will be a good move for our family and have discussed the positives. I just realised at the weekend, after my mum tried talking me out of going that we hadn't really talked about any negative points we may find. Also my hubby's grandmother passed away last week and our eldest was quite close to her. OH did say this morning that we should have a good chat when he gets home tonight. I think because we have submitted the visa, sold our car and the house is on the market, the "oh my god we are really doing this" has hit!. I must admit to the massive 4 bed, large block, big pool syndrome so I thought it was time for a reality check. I do think that perhaps I have been thinking about to many If's . Got the long wait for the visa now so got to stay positive

asher

Thats the spirit
look the ifs in the face decide how you will cope with them if they arise and then don't worry about them any more unless they do arise whereby you already have a plan

put it this way to your OH he will be happy to plan for all eventualities which is what you want , if you make it clear it will settle your mind and make you happier to go

keep positive, it is hard but any change is hard. Enjoy your adventure