Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Feb 15th 2010, 7:38 am
#16
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
My god! How did you resist the urge to punch her?? If it was me she'd said that to...
Feb 15th 2010, 8:06 am
#18
locked in the attic
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,657
Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Hello all,
I know the Barbie is usually a very 'upbeat' hang out - but didn't know which other forum to post in - and need some words of support to bolster my flagging spirit!!
Have been forging ahead with our plans but meeting resistance from my elder sister and emotional blackmail BIG style. Have been coping well with constant 'how could you do this to our family' stance but beginning to grind me down and getting p'eed off now!
She has finally resorted to reminding me that we will be 'leaving our baby son's grave behind' - Ouch!
Our first son died 12 years ago, but feel that although he will never be forgotten, leaving his 'body' behind does feel disloyal ( it is hard actually) - but short of exhuming, what does she expect me to do??
Feels like a really low life dirty stunt to pull on me - I know she is upset, I feel like after this time passing, we are entitled to consider ourselves and our living kids primarily, but this constant kicking is beginning to impact.
I am trying to see her point of view and common sense tells me she is resorting to any ploy she can BUT the irrational side of me think, am I a heartless cow of a mother ?? Paranoia settling in deep, and I could do with an independant view! Opinions, please ( but be gentle!)
I know the Barbie is usually a very 'upbeat' hang out - but didn't know which other forum to post in - and need some words of support to bolster my flagging spirit!!
Have been forging ahead with our plans but meeting resistance from my elder sister and emotional blackmail BIG style. Have been coping well with constant 'how could you do this to our family' stance but beginning to grind me down and getting p'eed off now!
She has finally resorted to reminding me that we will be 'leaving our baby son's grave behind' - Ouch!
Our first son died 12 years ago, but feel that although he will never be forgotten, leaving his 'body' behind does feel disloyal ( it is hard actually) - but short of exhuming, what does she expect me to do?? Feels like a really low life dirty stunt to pull on me - I know she is upset, I feel like after this time passing, we are entitled to consider ourselves and our living kids primarily, but this constant kicking is beginning to impact.
I am trying to see her point of view and common sense tells me she is resorting to any ploy she can BUT the irrational side of me think, am I a heartless cow of a mother ?? Paranoia settling in deep, and I could do with an independant view! Opinions, please ( but be gentle!)
Feb 15th 2010, 8:54 am
#19
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
wise words from tiddlypom.
hope all goes well 4 u
hope all goes well 4 u
Feb 15th 2010, 9:13 am
#20
Lost in BE Cyberspace
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Euthanasia.....is the solution....
Feb 15th 2010, 9:34 am
#21
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
ok, how about another angle to this. There is a chance that your sister is just useless at expressing herself, sees herself as head of the family, keeping the family together etc. Perhaps she was very close to your daughter. Perhaps she loves you and is scared of change. Doesnt want to lose you.
Few people are truly nasty, but can get on a roll and find it hard to go backwards. Or just turn any sort of upset into an argument.
My aim would be to carry on your plans, and to end up being the other side of the world from a sister who is on good terms with you. even if its just occasional interaction.
Its not always possible, but familys are good things
Few people are truly nasty, but can get on a roll and find it hard to go backwards. Or just turn any sort of upset into an argument.
My aim would be to carry on your plans, and to end up being the other side of the world from a sister who is on good terms with you. even if its just occasional interaction.
Its not always possible, but familys are good things
Feb 15th 2010, 6:00 pm
#22
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Hang on - is the problem here that your child is buried in another country to the one you now live in - want to live in. Is that all?
12 years ago...
That sort of thing happens. And a grave is just that - a grave. I think your sister is a bit inclined to be dramatic to be honest. Has she always been like this? Maybe she watches too many soaps.
12 years ago...
That sort of thing happens. And a grave is just that - a grave. I think your sister is a bit inclined to be dramatic to be honest. Has she always been like this? Maybe she watches too many soaps.
Last edited by BadgeIsBack; Feb 15th 2010 at 6:03 pm.
Feb 15th 2010, 7:26 pm
#23
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
You are not the cow, but your sister is. Don't let her stop you from doing what you feel is best for your family. She is using manipulative bullying techniques to get her own way, whatever her reasons for doing it. The only way to deal with a bully is to show them that they are not able to manipulate you, and that whatever she says it will not change your mind about going. It doesn't matter what her reasons are for doing this or whether they are heat of the moment or planned outbursts, she will have to deal with them, and ultimately it is up to her whether she wants to have a loving relationship with you or one that is distant and hurtful.
I really hope that you can sort something out before you go.
I really hope that you can sort something out before you go.
Feb 15th 2010, 8:07 pm
#24
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Feb 15th 2010, 8:10 pm
#25
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Thank you so much to all of those who replied to offer words of wisdom - I have received some good advice !
Feeling tons more positive - I am not going to react to her - her mean comments don't even deserve a response, and I know that wherever I am in the world, will make no difference to my memories of my little one!
No amount of bullying will de-rail our plans as a family - I am hoping she will see that with time!!
Cheers guys for the moral support
Feeling tons more positive - I am not going to react to her - her mean comments don't even deserve a response, and I know that wherever I am in the world, will make no difference to my memories of my little one!
No amount of bullying will de-rail our plans as a family - I am hoping she will see that with time!!
Cheers guys for the moral support
Feb 15th 2010, 9:16 pm
#26
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
Hang on - is the problem here that your child is buried in another country to the one you now live in - want to live in. Is that all?
12 years ago...
That sort of thing happens. And a grave is just that - a grave. I think your sister is a bit inclined to be dramatic to be honest. Has she always been like this? Maybe she watches too many soaps.
12 years ago...
That sort of thing happens. And a grave is just that - a grave. I think your sister is a bit inclined to be dramatic to be honest. Has she always been like this? Maybe she watches too many soaps.
Feb 15th 2010, 10:10 pm
#27
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Location: Newton-le-Willows, Merseyside
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
The thing is you only get one chance at life, and it sounds like you've already been through more than most. You sound like a very caring person (otherwise you wouldn't be questioning yourself) and I think reading between the lines, your sister knows this and has attacked at the achilles heel.
I'm not saying your sister is a bad person, but if you stay because of the pressure being put on you, then you are only going to end up resenting the people you love. Try and ignore the remark as people will say anything in desperate situations. Most importantly don't feel guilty for trying to make the best life possible for your family.
Take care
Paula
I'm not saying your sister is a bad person, but if you stay because of the pressure being put on you, then you are only going to end up resenting the people you love. Try and ignore the remark as people will say anything in desperate situations. Most importantly don't feel guilty for trying to make the best life possible for your family.
Take care
Paula
Feb 16th 2010, 7:07 am
#28
Master of verbal pish©
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
just shocked that a close family member would use this tactic against you
Feb 16th 2010, 9:27 am
#29
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Feb 16th 2010, 9:30 am
#30
Master of verbal pish©
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Re: Sorry to be gloomy but....am I a real cow??
its easy to tell people to ignore the comments,but when its this heartfelt it would be really hard. my heart does go out to the OP
