roobush

Hello

Is it selfish to leave family behind and emigrate to oz when there are children involved?

My husband thinks our children should have family around when they are growing up and living in oz wouldn't offer that.

I find this frustrating as I am thinking more about a better life and hopefully better opportunities for our children and maybe it is a bit selfish to take our kids away from their family but maybe they would be better off having family around than a better life in the sun.. we are having heated "discussions" about it at the moment and it makes me feel a bit low sometimes and I'm having a problem even convincing him that we have a chance of a better life out there right now.

Scuba Steve

I don't think you'd be doing it if it weren't in their best interests. Having family around isn't the be all and end all. Having both parents is about 95% of all they need and a local beach and an outsdoor lifestyle can go some way to make up for what they won't have. Its a bit of a balancing act really, there's no completely right or wrong thing to do.

helena39

Have to agree with Scuba Steve. You, OH have kids are your family. Although I don't think that if both you and your OH are 100% about moving then it may not work for you. We are going to give our children a better life and more opportunities for their future. There is nothing here in Ireland for them. Good luck with your decision.....

DEEDEE01

The short answer to this (in my opinion) is no !!!

Donna.

Exile

I wouldn't say don't do it...

...but I would say don't underestimate how shallow and awful it can feel when you later realise that you have effectively traded family and friends and everything that previously gave your life meaning for a bit of sunshine, a beach, and a bigger (empty) house.

Kate2112

If the only reason you want to emigrate is for a life in the sun (and I'm sure that cant be the only thing) then it is probably something that would sound selfish. Have you made a pros/cons list and discussed it rationally together. Emigration is a personal decision that you need to make as a family. You may or may not get a positive reaction from friends/family but how much weight would their reactions get on other decisions you and your family make? Just some things to think about.

bourbon-biscuit

Oh, that's so how I feel sometimes, particularly when family spend a small fortune to come out and see what we 'swapped' them for

22B

Aha! I would say the short answer is 'yes' ...... but that selfish is not always wrong.

You are being selfish because you are wanting to put your kids' needs/future before other people's needs/future. I call that being a good and responsible parent.

But I offer no opinion on where/how your kids' needs/future are best served. Deciding that is one of the hardest parts of parenting........

Fleaflyfloflum

Spot on!

Trouble is, it often takes people a very long time to work that out.

bourbon-biscuit

I think I'm in the minority here because although I know my kids are getting some 'lifestyle' benefits from the move, I try to resist the temptation to say I've done it all for them. Surely their 'need' for family far outweighs their need for the Australian lifestyle?

I moved overseas because I had (have) irrepressible wanderlust; my kids have won some in the experience and lost some, but I really don't think I could say I did it for them.

Fleaflyfloflum

Very honest and brave of you to say so in here.

Grayling

You are far from alone but saying that "we are doing it for the kids" does give people a good rationale and some even convince themselves it is true.

22B

I don't think you are in the minority, at least not a huge one, if everyone's honest.

I had 'wanderlust', applied and won PR, and planned to come out for roughly 2yrs. Then I met my aussie OH, and then we got drunk on honeymoon, so it turned out I arrived as a wife and mum here to stay rather than a single gal. It's taken me about 20 months to work out that effectively I have traded my son's grandparents for a lifestyle. But I wouldn't and couldn't go back.

annqldau

No...screw them...do it for you and your immediate family if you feel it's right...don't let them 'guilt' you into not doing it...that makes them the selfish ones.

asprilla

The simple answer is yes. It is selfish to take your kids away from their extended family.

The act of migrating to another country, kids or no kids, is inherently a selfish act, there are no two ways about it.

The reasons for the move are always selfish reasons such as "better lifestyle" or "better lifestyle for the kids". I have yet to read anyone state that "better relationships with extended family" was their reason for emigrating.

Is it wrong to be selfish? It depends on the circumstances and the individual. Only you can decide whether or not you feel justified in your actions.

I think that you need to work out for yourself, what constitutes a "better lifestyle". Is it something that you can achieve in Australia? Could you achieve it in the UK? Once you have a list of the things that make up a "better lifestyle" written down in front of you, then you can weigh them up against your current life in the UK.