British Expats - Sadness, helplessness and guilt...

Quote:

Originally Posted by emelems (Post 8272219)

My friend that I love so dearly (she's my sis in law and my best friend) has got a solid lump on her kidney... she's back in England... she is going for a CT scan in a couple of days.. the specialist has told her that he can't reassure her until he has the results.. :(

I don't know what to say to her or how to help her.. she already has herself dead and buried and the funeral done (think that is a shock reaction thing)..

The only thing I have said to her is to try and curtail the dire thoughts to a limited time and then focus on the future.. and for her to think of herself as an old lady.. but even as I say it to her, I feel so bloody sad and unsure...

She is only 36... she has a 2 year old girl , a 10 year old girl and a 15 year old teenager girl... she is married to my ex's brother and he is being great and very positive..

Anyone had a happy outcome from something like his?

Em x

I know how she feels. Until last year my only encounters with hospitals were broken bones, torn ligaments and other minor stuff. Then I went to the docs coz I was urinating blood. I thought not much of it. He sent me to a kidney specialist after running some simple tests, had a biopsy then was told quite flippantly that I had a rare kidney disease that would mean that I will go onto dialysis in the next 10 years and will require a kidney transplant.
Although it is not a death sentence, it is a potential one or even a major obstacle that I will have to somehow manage with in the ner future and it is an absolute shock to the system to know that IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN and there is nothing I can do about it and more importantly nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening. It is just the hand I was dealt with.
My first reaction is obviously the kids and if anything it has taught me to enjoy each day with them as if it were the last (even though I am not terminal or anything), it just changes your whole perspective on life and makes you realise what is important in life.
I suppose it is a little hard for me to completely empathise with her as we don't yet know what the prognosis is, but all I can say is that if she has been handed a time limit, then she needs to just accept that time and make the most of it. It sounds easy, but if you don't then that time will only be remembered by those left behind as an extended period of mourning before the actual event even occurs.

I'm not sure if any of these words will help you or even your SIL but it is the philosophy that I have taken and certainly eases the pain of my future on this planet