Both my kids have started school - the youngest started prep just after the holidays, the older girl went into 8th grade on Monday. Yesterday I collected DD1, she got into the car, burst out crying and was very adamant that she was never going back there. She said that no-one talks to her. Although she sits with some people at lunch they all talk amongst themselves and don't include her. She was a very sociable child back home and I hate to see her like this but I've told her that she needs to give it time - after all, this is only her first week and next week there will be some other new kid in the school.

DD2 who is only 5 seems to be being bullied from what I can make out. She has asked some kids to play with her, they say no. They threw leaves over her today and wood at her also. When I picked her up today she told me she had the worst day of her life She too was a very out-going sociable child.

Regarding DD2 I plan on going to talk to the teacher on Tuesday (they are off Monday). I have already addressed the problem that she plays alone and the teacher said she would make sure she didn't, but every day I ask her who she played with and she tells me no-one.

Any advice that would help me help my kids settle would be greatly appreciated

Lynn xx

I'd arrange a meeting with the three of you - your child and the teacher so that you can clarify who is telling the truth. I'd also ask what kind of supervision is occurring at recess and lunch. Make sure you get some kind of monitoring agreement and agree to have a 'progress meeting' in one week's time - in the meantime I'd see the teacher everyday to ask how your daughter's day was.

After meeting with the teacher I'd formalise both your concerns and what was achieved at the meeting in a letter - and note that the school had agreed to monitor the situation and that you'd meet up again in one week. Schools- in WA at least - seem to be very sensitive to letters.

In the time in-between I'd note which days your daughter was upset and which days were good.

Good advice from NKSK.

Whenever I've spoken to teachers here, I send them a 'thank you' email, and list the things we talked about and how we had decided to resolve them.

Does your school not have a 'buddy' system in place for new children? At our school the 'new' children get a slightly older child as a 'buddy' to help them make friends during breaks, and once they have settled in the 'buddy' checks back with them every couple of days to make sure that everything is okay.

The throwing leaves and newly cut grass is something I have even caught mine doing. Big group of them throwing the stuff all over each other and laughing their heads off. But, one day this week I saw kids picking up handfuls of very small stones, used as mulch, and throwing that at each other! The teacher on duty stopped that as soon as she saw what was going on.

I hope that it's sorted soon. It must be very hard for you to leave them at school if you're thinking that they are going to be upset.

M

It's very early days yet and I think that it takes at least a term for kids to feel more settled. I know it can be difficult especially when you feel the kids are being unfairly treated, but I think it is equally important that not too much of a fuss is made. If the school force kids to play with your youngest that could create even more of a problem. The school should have an inclusion policy and the children should be reminded of this.

Your kids need to find their own way of working through this even though it is tough (assuming of course that there is no real bullying involved). New kids in school will always have a bit of hassle but perhaps to help get them involved encourage them to take toys or things of interest that might spark up a conversation. Footy cards, Bakugan, Pokemon cards etc all go down well although I'm not too sure what the girls are into at the moment.

Hi Lynn, What school does your eldest go to? our daughter started in year 8 at Mountain Creek last week and had the very same experience, kids in the class were awful after the second day we went in and spoke to the deputy principle and she was great spotted the problem and moved her to a different class. She has been fine ever since ,making new friends each day.Maybe if you want to get in touch they can get together. We live in Buderim and have been here for 8 weeks.

Regards Dena

Hi ,
You have already been given good advice, I can't add to that. I just wanted to say I hope things get better. I know how hard it is for the kids to settle in and my eldest has been on the receiving end.
I hope it all works out for your children.
Kate x

Another thing that could help is inviting one or two of the kids from her class around for a play date one weekend. Gets them away from peer pressure to act tough and also makes it less daunting for your daughter to make friends, as there won't be as big a group of kids. This will also give you some control over the situation because you will be able to see their behaviour towards your daughter.

Also, your daughter may be saying 'no one' in relation to who she'd played with but she may just not know the names but has actually played with a few kids during the day. For some reason kids like saying negative things even if they've had a good day.

Def speak to the teachers and ask for buddies. Trouble is you get a catch 22 situation. Child is shy and may not speak much, other kids think child is not friendly, may make an effort but get quiet replies so figure child is happy on their own, child becomes quieter and then looks possibily moody so other children are even more put off. Not saying that's happening but it may be.

It is very early days but this sort of thing needs nipping in the bud as soon as. Hope you get it sorted soon.

Hi Lynn.Thats's just heartbreaking.Hope you don't mind me chipping in as I haven't any experience of oz schools but my eldest did have a hard time settling in his new school here.I'm sure there are some issues that may be common to starting a new school no matter where you are.
Can I just say that I think you're doing the right thing in getting involved and speaking with your childrens teachers.This may be the 1st time you've had to cope with this,but your can bet that the teachers will be ol hands at dealing with this sort of thing.The best thing we done was encouraging my eldest to talk about it so he knew that he wasn't being left to deal with it alone.
I hope next weeks a better one..very best wishes,lisa.

Hi lynn.Just had to check before I posted..Did you know theres a youth club forum on ex pats?Your older one may find some support here.
lisa.

Thanks for all your replies. they are most helpful. As I said I plan on going to see the teacher at the primary school.

Dena, My daughter is also in 8th grade at Mountain Creek. Is your daughter called Rosie 'cos she said she was speaking to an english girl called Rosie. We too live in Buderim, I'll pm you my phone number, maybe we can get together? Do you work?

Lynn xx

I can fully appreciate your problems, we much the same with our son, first 3/4 weeks at school and no-one would play with him, they wouldn't let him join in thier games, they called him names purely because he spoke broad yorkshire and that was the difference to other children.
I was really concerned at the time because he is a really outgoing, friendly child, anyway he persisited in joining in with thier games even though he wasn't welcome and eventually it paid off, now he has numerous friends and has one best mate who never seems to leave his side, plus he has requested that he become a buddy to new starters and younger children, so no-one has to feel like he did.
I am very pround of him for being such a strong willed child and using his own experience to help others.

Speak to the teacher and raise your concerns, or email them. Speaking as a teacher (working in Sydney), it would drive me up the wall if i had a parent in my ear every day about an issue (as someone else suggested).

Don't forget that kids will be kids.

This is my biggest worry moving to Oz. My eldest who is 5 has really struggled to settle into school. Thought I had it sussed in Year F, then we had the summer holidays and when she started Year 1 we had tears and clinging - back to square 1! And this was while she had friends! I really worry how she will be, starting a new school in a new country and not knowing anybody...

Kids are all different. One of my boys had one friend at school for what seemed like two years, and this child was a year behind him. This year he has found several friends of his own age and we are about to take him away to start high school in a new country!

Confidence goes a way to surviving the new kid bit. Ask if they're being teased about their accent etc and arm them with some choice comebacks.

Definitely see if you can invite kids home to play, of invite one to go with you to the beach in the weekend.

If you don't work it may be a good idea to walk them to school or become involved in the canteen or something to get to know the other mums as this can have a spin off in helping your child become accepted.

Also, see if you can get them involved in after school activities as this allows them to relate on a different level.

It is early days and speaking as one who attended eight different schools in three different countries there is no easy way to get over those first horrible days as a new kid. It seems to be some rite you have to go through to earn respect, whatever country you're in. Hopefully, it will be of short duration.