Originally Posted by Pollyana

The Joys Of Admin

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is a priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this place and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Originally Posted by soapy

so have u been to a meet yet?

Originally Posted by extrameant

What, My name is extrameant and I have a problem with drink? Nah, no need, lack of money has cured me. Anyway, I spilled most of it before, so it was sort of self regulating.

Originally Posted by soapy

thats a shame mate, there a few good people doon your way that would be worth meeting

Originally Posted by extrameant

Changing the subject slightly, has anyone ever seen one of these duck billed platypus things, or is this just a big aussie wind up.

Originally Posted by extrameant

Remember i said i was unlucky. Even i'm begining to wonder what the... Hunners of probs. the latest is about 3 tons of sewage pouring into our garden. Our house is stinking and we're wondering what to do. major hassle to move, even though we are just rented. the council have cleaned up the outside, but underneath the house is about 2ft lower than outside so all the water has seeped in there. So far the plumber and the council have both said its just a damp smell. You wash your face with a damp face cloth, tell you what, I'll wash their face with the water down there. Nah, I can't face meeting peeps cos I'm just an auld b*st*d and i think i would kill someone telling me how lucky I am to be here.

Anyway, all the sewage is spread all over the lawn. I think I'm in for a bumber crop of corn this summer (is that an obvious joke? i'm losing it, i tells ya.)

Originally Posted by Pollyana

Yep, and its not pish, its true.

North Tassie - somewhere near Stanley. A pond in the back of beyond, and there were actually 5 platypussies (platypi??) swimming around. The guy who took me there went several times a week to watch them, and he said they were all different in character - some stuck to the edge of the pond, one was hardly ever seen, one was always swimming around in the middle. Beautiful creatures, very like otters in the way they move.

Originally Posted by Pollyana

Yep, and its not pish, its true.

North Tassie - somewhere near Stanley. A pond in the back of beyond, and there were actually 5 platypussies (platypi??) swimming around. The guy who took me there went several times a week to watch them, and he said they were all different in character - some stuck to the edge of the pond, one was hardly ever seen, one was always swimming around in the middle. Beautiful creatures, very like otters in the way they move.

Originally Posted by soapy

ffs keep your lotto numbers to yirsell

Originally Posted by extrameant

Och that's nice. I secretly wanted to beleive in them. Only, the aussies have to go and spoil it and make them poisonous too. Someone said they had grouped all the animals in australia into poisonous ones and non poisonous ones, and the only ones put into the non poisonous group were some of the sheep. Well, we were out at the weekend, and didn't like the way those sheep were looking at us at all!

Originally Posted by extrameant

I started doin the lottery in glesca right when it started. About the third one ever, we got four numbers. up to that point, peoples were getting a couple of grand for that. We strolled up tae the counter saying we didnae want any publicity or nuthin. Turns out we's got 14 squid...

Originally Posted by soapy

i still check to see what we would have won if we had still been in the uk
after 2 year..........we would have won...wait for it..................

a tenner

Originally Posted by Pollyana

It was a brilliant experience, the guy told us beforehand that we might not see any at all, and he was surprised at the amount of activity. You have to be very very still, or they just hide, and the best time to see them is sunset - longer twilight down there than up here, so you have plenty of time. Can't photograph them as they move so fast and flashes scare them. Bet like penguins in that they are stunning creatures, and they make you feel really humble, and privileged to have seen them.

Originally Posted by extrameant

Are they nice to eat?

Originally Posted by Pollyana

Dunno, probably taste like chicken!