Re: pissed off with this site
 

i guess some people are just really helpful regardless,

Re: pissed off with this site
 

It is an issue that is all too common these days unfortunately, but I don't think it was so bad even when I first joined BE. I guess that those of us that continue to read and post there do so because not everybody is horrid and because it can be rewarding to feel like you have helped somebody and this counters the ugly aspects.

I don't agree that it is not possible to be upset by comments made by strangers, but I do agree that it doesn't make sense to continue to put oneself in a position of being a target over and over again. I guess it is about tolerance levels and last straws.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Guess so. Altho the phrase "glutton for punishment" springs to mind imo and I still don't get why anyone would apparently repeatedly take abuse, then have a cry and a moan about it and yet still want to continue being involved in the very thing that is upsetting them - especially when at the end of the day it all revolves around something as trivial as an internet forum.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Most people who attempt to help and advise on the Immi Forum do so because they are more than grateful for the help and support they received when they were going through the same process and want to give something back. In the main and always in the past, all help was gratefully received and yes it makes you feel good to know you've assisted someone. It's only in the past year or so that a certain breed have started posting there and again the majority are polite and pleasant to assist.

You don't know when you offer help if the person is going to be pleasant and pleased to receive the help or decide to abuse you because you've given them the truth and they don't appreciate the truth, or being advised that they've been given duff info.

If everyone who has received abuse (which should always be reported to mods and/or admin) stopped helping in Immi, it would die and no one would get any support at all which is totally unfair on the 'good guys'. I, for one, would hate for that to happen and refuse to let the bastards get the better of me but it doesn't mean that I have to suck it up and never complain. If we all stopped doing that, the rest of the boards would die as well ;).

Re: pissed off with this site
 

It is not just one or two guys that dish out abusive comments, most of them are quite mellow, albeit refuse to grasp some basic concepts of searching before you post. Shouters guys come and go, it is not possible to build any kind of reputation on the questions when their visa will be granted and abrasive comments. The real problems begin when they reach a certain concentration and then the board goes down the drain. We used to have so much fun, now it is all ASCO codes, the "when" questions of all sorts and such a s@#tload of innuendo that I can kind of appreciate that some agents stopped posting there. Their voice would get lost and their words twisted beyond recognition - why stake your reputation on a bunch of people who keep ruining one forum after another.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Because some of us feel good about helping people. And because it's not all abuse; more often than not people are grateful for heelp and in turn help others.
Yup. Much like yourself helping all the sparkies who post. I've seen some of the abuse you've had thrown at you as well.
Sums it up there MP. Without this and another forum (which also got taken over by the subcontinental contingent and eventually closed down) we would probably have not got our visas so quickly and with so little fuss. I met some really helpful posters in there and it used to be a really great feeling knowing that I could help others.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Pam

It takes a special type of person to assist those though the various immigration processes set up by foreign countries. They are usually caring people who have successfully made this journey and, whether or not they were offered assistance in their journey or did the research and learnt solely on their own the various pitfalls, they hope to allow others to learn from their experiences.

Yes, these people, myself included, do gain gratification from assisting others and that in itself, without public recognition of their efforts, is all that is needed to have them continue on with their helpful posting.

There are people, such as yourself, who question those of us who do this day in and day out and wonder why we are hurt when we encounter rude and obnoxious posters, the likes of which caused Bermuda to want to throw in the towel. We don't expect you to fully understand why she or any of us get emotional when confronted by ignorant posters who are rude and snarly.

It is not just being snapped at or demeaned. It is also that some of those mean spirited posters are giving out erroneous information and unfortunately, erroneous information will linger, especially on the internet, and sometimes be picked up by unsuspecting newbies who won't know that the information they found is incorrect and detrimental to their cause.

It's like building a fortress with bricks only to have someone top it off with 10 tonnes of steel and you watch the entire fortress collapse under the weight of the steel. Everything you have strived for is gone. That hurts. It is telling you that your efforts were meaningless and unvalued.

I urge you to be more sympathic to posters such as BermudaShorts and rather than just think of how you would feel in the same the situation, attempt to envision and understand how and why she does feel the way she does.

Rete

Re: pissed off with this site
 

When I was involved in and closer to the immigration process myself I was happy to be in involved in Immi, both giving and receiving. At this point in time, however, I no longer consider myself as having an appropriate level of current knowledge about the immi process, so I don't get involved with that board. If others want to sit "day in and day out" reseaching topics on behalf of others, well hey, it takes all sorts and I do understand that it's a nice feeling to help others thru a process that is very arduous for most of us. I myself periodically search the Australia forum for Coffs threads because I can probably help out there and I am more than happy to do so. But I'm afraid, Rete, that I simply can't be sympathetic to people who get so personally wound up by an internet forum. I guess some folks end up feeling this way (seeing as you have asked me to "envision"!) because forums can get addictive and all-consuming. Anyhoo like I said, it takes all sorts. I questioned the previous postings about upset caused by people voluntarily subjecting themselves to repetitive forum abuse because I'm curious about the psychology behind it.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Hey Pam, maybe I should send you copies of some of the personal abuse that I've received in my capacity as a moderator. When you try your hardest to help someone, albeit someone you have never met, and they turn round and send you pages of vile four-letter words, and tell you graphically what you can do with them, you would have to be a very tough person for it NOT to get to you.
Many people genuinely want to help others, and for some of us the best way we can do this is by helping on the internet - certainly for me, I'm lousy at practical stuff, I'm not the kind of person who can look after people's kids, and take dogs for walks and help people in real life. I'm too withdrawn and I don't have the confidence to mix with people like that. So I prefer to help in this sort of anonymous way, offering help to people who will never have to meet me. And when it gets thrown back it me I usually accept that in silence. But I'm only human and because of that there are times when it really becomes hurtful, just the same as if I was doing practical stuff for people, and they threw it back at me.
I've had abuse by email, private message, and by text. There are some extremely personal hurtful comments which are still visible on the site in various threads. It annoys me even more when the abuse is being thrown at someone like Bermudashorts - becoming a Mod you expect a certain degree of abuse, but when you are A N Ordinary poster who is going out of their way to provide really good information, it is just totally unnecessary, and more than a little hurtful.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

Hey Pollyana, I've often found the level of posting by some folks on BE quite bizarre and when it comes to the "helping" stuff I've also wondered why people don't just get out of the virtual world e.g. volunteer on the phones for Lifeline or become an active Amnesty member or something if they are so keen on helping others. Yours is such an honest and interesting perspective, thanks for sharing.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

But what is wrong with the internet as a medium? It is part of life these days isn't it and we are all real people on the other end of the keyboard. We are not playing a virtual game here, answering hypothetical questions in some kind of weird reality gaming situation. It is real people, real lives and immigration is a pretty major event in anyone's life.

Clearly you think that there are more worthwhile subjects and probably there are. For example, I think most people would agree that the medical profession is a more noble profession than the accounting one, but if I decided to spend a few hours a week offering advice to people that cannot afford to pay for it, it would surely be better that I stick to accounting and finance topics, you know ones I know something about, than medical ones.


As somebody that has admitted you have obtained advice from BE in the past, I find it a bit odd that you then turn around once your visa is safely in your possession and tell those of us that provide the advice that we should be doing something more worthwhile with our time.

Re: pissed off with this site
 

@Bermudashorts - I'm sorry, I think I must have explained myself very badly. Just reread what I wrote and I guess could have put if much better. I thought what Pollyana said was very interesting and I wasn't at all saying that virtual helping stuff isn't worthwhile. I was saying that I'd been stuggling to understand some of what goes on here but when I read Pollyana's post I understood a little better. Of course there is nothing wrong with the internet as a medium and it's not a game what people are doing on the Immi fourm. I absolutely am not telling anyone that they should be doing something more worthwhile!!! I genuinely input to this thread out of curiosity about the psychological aspects of the issue raised. I appreciated Pollyana being so honest in explaining why she does what she does even tho people are often mean, which was my question. That's why I said thanks for sharing.