Getting the balance between access to technology and traditional ways is a constant battle

I want my son to be tech savvy but not at the expense of social skills and non-tech abilities

It's hard sometimes

I agree, and I think Garry is right to raise the ubiquity of tech in the world from now on. Soon, tablets are going to look very clunky and dated as we move to augmented reality via contact lenses, and how you monitor a teenager's use of that, I have no idea.

It's one of my pet peeves - households, families, schools, etc. They all tend to look backward in terms of method of operation, but need to be forward looking in anticipating and preparing for the future.

So parents tend to look at how they were bought up (3 Rs, etc) and replay it onto their children. Yet we wouldn't think that a Victorian family was an ideal model for today (have the nanny bring down the respectful child for half an hour of family time, before being sent back to bed). Things change; and where we currently are the models of only ten years ago are out of date.

Do kids need to be able to socialise? Sure do, and there is nothing more antisocial than a teenager. But they also need to be able to socialise, form and navigate interactions, online, and with wildly different cultures (any job in future is going to have a globalisation aspect). That wasn't something parents were bought up with, and a focus on socialisation meaning 'playgroups' isn't really going going to cut it.

At the same time we are very much in a 'two wage earner' situation - if you can at all manage it. That changes the structure and nature of the household, and the mechanisms need to change with it.

All that is before we get to the other changes coming round the corner - the ones that haven't hit yet, but we know are on the cards.

I'm reminded of the Vernor Vinge novel "Rainbows End" that is basically a thought experiment on kids, schooling and families in a technologically accelerated world. Worth a read if you need to break out of old fashioned thinking : http://web.archive.org/web/200711240...inbowsend.html

I agree about technology etc but good manners, being aware of other peoples feeling and politeness are nothing to do with looking backwards - just common courtesy and something that should be instilled in all of us.

Indeed, but which manners?

Who here knows how to pass the port (except me)?

Similarly, who here knows the way to point out something in an asian culture?

Yes, every weekend and right now the kids have us playing cards with them every night.

No but they don't email them either.....

Yes. Every night.

Yes.

Yes although they have one in their playroom

Yes my kids have always got their nose in a book and normally 1 or 2 others on the go too.

BB

Please, thank you etc - just general good manners - I know how to pass the port but that is not what I meant, as you know.

Are you acquainted with the Bishop of Norwich?

He can buy his own port, bloody dipso ....

Yes and card games too. I think we have 6 different versions of Monopoly.

No, sadly not.

Every day.

In some cases thank you emails, but their grandparents prefer thank you calls either by telephone or skype. My oldest sometimes sends thank you "letters" by text.

They don't have televisions, but they have computers so effectively have access to television via the internet. Two are now away at uni, so it would be pointless to try to enforce restrictions when they are at home in the holidays. However, the youngest does have a computer in his room as our rule has been to allow computers in their bedrooms from the time they start secondary school. The school has a laptop programme so a lot of homework is completed on the computer.

The house is full of books, but we have a distinct divide between those of us who are avid readers and those of us who are not!

'Manners maketh the man' is wot my wife is always drumming into our son

Epic FAIL in the port etiquette department

Ahh, but to give that reply I must understand the phrase, no?

And although there are many more people who know the etiquette that I expected, that's kinda my point. Even manners change over time, and the things you need to know will shift. Is it more important to understand about deploying a 'IMHO' or the Bishop of Norwich?

A 'thanks' at the right time might not have gone out of style in a hundred years, but you try holding a door open for a colleague of the female persuasion today, and in a reasonable percentage of cases you'll get an earful.

Not a mum, but a very involved Aunty to three who are growing up fast - middle one just reached 18 She's the most technology addicted, but still loves board games and books; her sister is a more voracious reader at 13, I got her a kindle 2 years ago but she still buys books as well, and she adores family board games -especially scrabble at which she shines!
The whole politeness and thank you thing is well drilled into all of them, even my student nephew, though its a text or facebook with him rather than a letter!

We also are a real family of card senders, always have been, and even though we now send facebook pics the cards still fly back and forth, seems a bit more personal somehow.

Theoretically I know how to pass the port, but since the ladies have to leave the room before the gentlemen drink it and smoke their cigars, it is not something I have had to put into practice myself.

Small drop of madeira anyone??